I’ll just lay it out there – May is a really tough month.

If you’ve lost a police officer whom you loved in the the line of duty, you know what I mean.  For me, May used to be a good time of celebrating Mother’s Day and the anniversary of the day my husband and I got married.  That all changed in 2016.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.   Mother’s Day 2016 is the last time I spent significant time with Davey because the next day I got on a plane to Pennsylvania.  My father-in-law had just passed away and I flew out to join my husband for the funeral.  We got back to Phoenix 5 days before Davey was killed.  This picture is the inside of my last Mother’s card from Davey and is now framed on my dresser.

My husband and I had been married for 35 years on May 23, 2016.  Obviously, it was barely mentioned four days after Davey died.

Now May is a month of remembering the son we loved so much and all of the others that have fallen.  It’s a month of commemorating their courage and sacrifice.  It’s a painful month of inevitable tears as we grieve for all that is lost.

This all adds up to a May that is filled with a difficult ride on a rollercoaster of emotions.

I never even heard of Police Week until Davey was killed.  Now its one of the most important weeks of May with many activities surrounding the Peace Officers Memorial Service on the lawn of the capitol building on May 15.  Two years ago my husband and I along with my daughter-in-law, Davey’s two little children and Davey’s squad attended Police Week in Washington as first year survivors.  Some of that week is blur to me.  It was painful and it highlighted all we have lost but it also good and right to honor and remember Davey together.

There it is – the bittersweet of all the memorials we attend.  It hurts but it’s good.  It’s right.

My husband and I are planning to go back to Washington, DC next year to see the museum that has opened up and participate as past year survivors.  I’m expecting that it will be a little easier next time.  I’ve gotten more used to the hole.  It’s interesting to me that the topic of whether or not we are going to the next Police Week is a regular source of discussion among those of us who have lost an officer.  It’s another thing we all share.

May is also the month of local peace officer memorials here in Phoenix.  We attended the Arizona State Peace Officers Memorial this past week – the third one since Davey died.  And I was painfully aware of the new faces.  Three new families joined our group in 2018 because we lost an officer who was their husband, their son, their dad, their brother.

A piece of my broken heart breaks again for them.  I wish that nobody else had to have their worlds blown apart like we did.  I wish they did not have to go through the struggle and grief that we have gone through….that we are still going through.  Tears roll down my face as I think about the fact that they have just started down this very difficult road that has no end here on earth.

Like us, they will drag their broken dreams to these memorials every year – experiencing the good and the bad of remembering.

Please bless these new faces, Father God.  Give them peace.  Give them strength for this long, hard journey.

Miss you, Davey.

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