Month: August 2024

He Knew It!

He knew it was important to say it.

And he knew how it important it was to show it.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty May 18, 2016.  And he knew how important the words ‘Love you’ are.

He said these words to his squad every time he walked out to take a call.  He insisted that his squad say “Love you’ back to him and to each other, too.  Davey also said these words instead of ‘good-bye’ to everyone in his life he cared about.  He knew how unsure life is and how quickly things change. He knew that these words can easily become the last thing you get to say to each other.  And he knew that our last words can either haunt you or bring a smile to your face. 

He decided to make sure that his last words always brought a smile.

Davey knew that ‘Love you’ is not just two small words. Strong emotions are attached to them which bring hope and warmth and worth when we are separated from each other.  Sometimes that separation is a couple of hours and sometimes – like my family – we are separated for the rest of our lives here on earth.

“Love you’ has brought strength and comfort to me when I needed it most.

God tells us that “Love builds up’ in 1 Corinthians and I have been a witness to how true that is these last 8 1/2 years.

Because Davey’s ‘Love you’s’ still echo in our heads, his family and friends have adopted them as our own habit.  It has become our mantra.  We don’t leave each other without hugs and ‘Love you’s”.  And this love has built us up.

It has built me up.  “Love you” rolls through my head during the dark nights when the hole in my life where Davey should be seems too much to bear.  It gives me compassion when other people share their losses and tragedies with me.

Love has made the impossible task of moving forward after Davey’s death possible. My moving forward included publishing a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love.” This book includes the rest of the story if you’re interested.

I have found that it is hard to be angry when everyone around me is saying they love me.

It is hard to be bitter when hugs and ‘Love you’s’ are coming from all directions.

And it is hard to feel like I’m all alone when I am surrounded by love.

Love builds up.

Thank you for your legacy of love, Davey.

Miss you.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Struggling with Adversity

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Have you struggled with any huge issues in your life?

I have.  I am still struggling with the most extreme adversity I have ever experienced.  On May 18, 2016 my world exploded.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on that day.

I have experienced quite a lot of death in my life but this is – by far – the hardest.

Davey was a unique young man who was dedicated to serving his community and dedicated to living life to its fullest with fun, going everywhere and anywhere, while collecting a vast number of friends. He did all of this with an obvious devotion and love for God and his family.  My husband and I lived 1 1/2 miles from Davey and his wife and 2 children the last 5 years of his life.  We talked with him daily and saw him almost every day for one reason or another.

I don’t have the words for how painful this last 8 1/2 years have been.  It defines adversity.  Living with the reality of my circumstances is a struggle.

As I read the book of Job in the Bible, I can relate to many of the trials Job went through.  Job experiences the shock of getting terrible news that all of his children have been killed.  I know what it feels like to have one of my children die, I can’t imagine being told they were all killed.  Then, after the first horrible news,  painful things just kept happening.  I can relate.  When people around him started saying strange and wrong things to him, I can relate.  Job questioned God and wondered why this was all happening to him.  I can relate.  He was overwhelmed with sorrow.  I can relate.

It’s a huge struggle.

Job was confident that his redeemer lived and he was confident that – in the end – his redeemer wins.  He knew that God was in total control and all-powerful.  I am also confident in my Redeemer, the Creator of the Universe.

Job committed his life to being faithful to God in spite of his circumstances.  He praised God in the middle of all of the pain he was experiencing.  He knew that is was wise to turn from evil and love God.  I can relate to all of this.

Job had a long conversation with God.  I can relate – I have had many long conversations with God about my son’s death.  Job confessed that he did not understand.  I can relate – I will never completely understand this.  Job’s eyes were opened in a new way to the reality that God has a plan and purpose for each of us and that God’s ways are not our ways.  I can relate.

God gave Job peace in the middle of his pain and blessed him.

I can relate.

Don’t Say It

Death.  Loss.  Serious illness.  Tragedy.

When it happens to someone we know, we often don’t know what to say.   We need to say something – it has to be acknowledged or it feels really wrong – the elephant in the room.  That first year after my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty, I would sometimes see people I hadn’t seen for awhile and they didn’t mention Davey’s death.  That was very awkward because the only thing I could think about was the smashed pieces of my heart and how much I missed him.

We should think about what we’re going to say ahead of time – because we need to say something.

I know what I’m talking about.  Many people have said weird or not-helpful things while trying to be nice to me since Davey was killed.

When tragedy blew my life apart, many of the people I spoke to afterwards would say ‘So sorry for your loss.”  I used to think that this sounded unoriginal and trite but, after experiencing some of the other things people say, I realize it’s a good option.  When you say this, you are recognizing my loss and sharing an emotion.   I say it myself now.   Actually, I often just say “I’m so sorry” to someone who has just had a loss or tragedy.  They know what I’m referring to – it’s all they can think about.

There are other things people said right after Davey was killed that actually hurt.  My life was one big bruise and I felt that some of the things people said poked my bruises.  Now I have gotten used to missing Davey but that first year after his death, here are some of the things that were said to me that made a dark day worse:

“There’s always a reason.”  Really?   Am I supposed to be glad he’s gone because there’s a reason?  I should stop crying because it’s all working out so great now?

“Time heals all wounds.” Really?  All of this pain and grief is going to go away?   It’s going to turn into a scar that doesn’t hurt anymore? I know for a fact that this statement is not true when a parent loses a child. I personally think ‘heal’ is the wrong word to use with the loss of a child.  

“He’s in a better place.”  My head knows that.  My heart has been shattered into a million pieces and it aches a little bit more when you remind me that he’s not here with us, with me.

What should we say?

I’ve gotten to the point where I think “I’m sorry” is best and let the person you are talking to say whatever else they want to say.

What should we do?

The best advice I have read is in the Bible – Romans 12:15b –

“Weep with those who weep”.

Weep with us.

Weep with me.

Let your heart break for those who are heart-broken.

Hold tightly onto anyone is who is lost in pain and grief.

Give us grace when we are not gracious.

Forgive us when the anger boils over.

Be patient with us when our frustration shows.

Understand that it’s hard to focus sometimes when the emptiness is overwhelming.

Don’t ask us to let you know if there’s anything you can do – if there’s something you want to do, just do it.

Don’t tell us about a different tragedy – your’s or someone else’s.  We are struggling to deal with our own.

Don’t give us advice unless we ask for it.

You really don’t have to say much.

Just love us unconditionally, no matter how we respond.

And weep with us.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

 

 

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

How Can This Happen to Me?

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

I had never experienced anything like this before. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

I had no frame of reference for the devastation that happened in my life when Davey died. My entire world turned up side down while my heart broke into a million….painful….pieces. My life became dark and I lost all joy. I didn’t smile very often and, when I did, it was a fake smile I would plaster on my face so people wouldn’t worry about me. It was a year and half after he was killed before I even realized I had stopped having fun and stopped laughing. There were no ‘good days’ in my world.

In the midst of the shock and the swirling going on in my head, I made the very good decision to look up to God and let him lead me on this extremely painful path of losing a child. He gave me strength. He gave me peace. He made sure that I knew he loved me with a perfect love….in spite of my circumstances.

There were 2 books other than the Bible that have given me significant help on my tough journey. One of the books is The Land Between by Jeff Manion. The subtitle is “Finding God in difficult transitions”. Jeff uses the story of the Israelites spending 40 years wandering in the desert and points out the many lessons God was teaching them. They were not lost – they were in an early version of Sunday School. God used this time to grow their faith and grow their knowledge of him.

This is the same for you and me. Most of us at one time or another will end up in the desert – a place where life is not what it was and where the future is very uncertain. If you have lost a child you have either been there or are there right now – The Land Between.

I totally related to this after Davey was killed. I was in a broken, bruised, bleak, painful desert. I felt lost. My old life was gone and all my dreams of the future with Davey in them were ripped away.

I found a purpose for my pain as I read “The Land Between”. I learned many very valuable truths from God during my time in the desert. God brought hope to my desert and comfort for my grief. Since then, I have watched God gradually putting the broken pieces of my life back together, creating a much different picture of my future than I had before.

I am through the desert now and very grateful for all God taught me there. Last year I published a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love” which includes a lot more of this story if you are interested.

There is still a growing hole in my life where Davey was supposed to be but my memories of my life with him have become more precious than painful.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you!