There are days when the darkness is very evident, where the hole is very big and I can’t think of any reason why anyone would be laughing.
My son is dead.
David Glasser was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016. He’s dead.
How can anybody be laughing about anything?
My brain knew on May 19th that, somehow, I was going to have to live the rest of my life here on earth without my son. My brain knows that God has a purpose for me and that’s why I’m still here. My brain knows that our family and friends are gradually finding a ‘new normal’ that only includes memories of Davey. My brain knows that we all have to figure out how to move forward – making the most of each hour because we never know when our time here on earth is done. My brain knows that loving each other and having fun and laughing are all important parts of our lives.
But there are times when my heart wonders why anyone is laughing. If you’ve had a tragic loss in your life, you can probably relate.
There are times when my heart can’t look past the fog of loss and emptiness of missing Davey. My heart looks at pictures of my grandchildren from 2 years ago and says, ‘this is when they still had a father.’ When my heart gets focused on the hole in our lives, I relive the pain of May 19, 2016. Part of my world ended that day. And it sometimes makes me think – how can anyone laugh?
Yes, I know laughter is good for us. Don’t get me wrong, I like to laugh and have a good time so don’t stop laughing around me. Davey loved to laugh and he loved making us laugh. He always had clever and funny comments about things that happened – he had a very quick mind. He would want us to enjoy life and have a great time. It’s important. Life is short.
But …… there are times….. when each laugh is shooting an arrow into my broken and hurting heart.
And I wonder – why is anyone laughing?