There are days when the darkness is very evident, where the hole is very big and I can’t think of any reason why anyone would be laughing.

My son is dead.

David Glasser was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.  He’s dead.

How can anybody be laughing about anything?

My brain knew on May 19th that, somehow, I was going to have to live the rest of my life here on earth without my son.  My brain knows that God has a purpose for me and that’s why I’m still here.  My brain knows that our family and friends are gradually finding a ‘new normal’ that only includes memories of Davey.  My brain knows that we all have to figure out how to move forward – making the most of each hour because we never know when our time here on earth is done.  My brain knows that loving each other and having fun and laughing are all important parts of our lives.

But there are times when my heart wonders why anyone is laughing.  If you’ve had a tragic loss in your life, you can probably relate.

There are times when my heart can’t look past the fog of loss and emptiness of missing Davey.  My heart looks at pictures of my grandchildren from 2 years ago and says, ‘this is when they still had a father.’  When my heart gets focused on the hole in our lives, I relive the pain of May 19, 2016.  Part of my world ended that day.  And it sometimes makes me think –  how can anyone laugh?

Yes, I know laughter is good for us.  Don’t get me wrong, I like to laugh and have a good time so don’t stop laughing around me.  Davey loved to laugh and he loved making us laugh.  He always had clever and funny comments about things that happened – he had a very quick mind. He would want us to enjoy life and have a great time.  It’s important.  Life is short.

But …… there are times….. when each laugh is shooting an arrow into my broken and hurting heart.

And I wonder – why is anyone laughing?

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten

There is a cost.

There is a commitment.

Love leaves a mark.

The cost is being more concerned about another person than you are about yourself.  What I want is not the most important thing when I love someone.

Commitment means loving this person even when they are unlovable.  Sometimes it means offering help and other times it means drawing boundaries.

Loving someone well takes a lot of energy and patience, wisdom and understanding.  Loving people well is a lot of work.  And it leaves a mark.

I have discovered that this mark doesn’t go away after someone we love dies.  This mark is permanent and never leaves us.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.  The mark he left was an unusual kind of love.  It was an outspoken love – a love that broke some boundaries that we can set up as adults.  He said ‘love you’ often and you knew he meant it by how he included you and had fun with you and was loyal to you.  You knew there was a commitment being made when he said ‘love you”, it wasn’t just something he said.

The mark he has left is big.  The potential of his mark is huge.  We have already started discovering that potential by continuing his work in breaking down some boundaries we have as adults in loving each other.  More hugs.  More caring.  Saying it and showing it.

The cost is giving up some of our ‘separateness’ and actually caring for people around us.  The cost is taking our eyes off of ourselves long enough to see someone else that needs a hug or a hand.  The cost is letting others love us, knowing that this love will leave a mark.  It will change us.

The commitment is not giving up even when its tough or strange or even a little weird.  Yes, weird.  If you’ve been really trying to love others, you know what I mean.  The commitment is setting love as a priority and letting other things that we always used to think were important slide down the list.

If I were to draw a picture of the mark Davey has left on us, it would not be a heart.  It would be a magic wand.  Because love has magical qualities that cannot be explained.

Love changes things.  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love soothes pain and sadness and loneliness.

Love can change the world.

Davey’s love has left a mark on us.   What are we doing with it?

#8144loveyou

“Hate cannot drive out hate,

only love can do that.”  Martin Luther King, Jr.

He was so right.  And so much of our culture is so wrong.

It’s obvious from many people’s actions that they think hatred and meanness and small-mindedness is the way to get what they want.  Some of them even appear to think that acts of violence and creating chaos is going to change the world for the better.  We found out last year how well that works – it doesn’t.

Our world would be a better and much more safe place if we understood and lived out Dr King’s words –  that only love can drive out hate.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty in 2016.  He was killed because of hatred.

But he lived understanding how important love is.  He said ‘love you’ to everyone he cared about all the time.  He knew love is the thing that can change our world for the better.  Hatred is a useless waste of energy.  Love is worth every effort we put into it.

Love brings acceptance.

Love brings hope.

Love brings peace.

God is love and all real love comes from God.

So this year, on our Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, let’s celebrate love.  Let’s give out a lot of hugs.  Let’s share smiles with people we don’t know.  Let’s be extra kind on the freeways and parking lots, at work and in stores and restaurants.

Let’s recommit to saying ‘love you’ to the people we care about in our lives.  And lets find a special way to celebrate love with those closest to us.

Because love is the only way we’re going to drive hate out of our world.  And we can do it.  Together, we can each have a positive affect on our small part of the world.

#8144loveyou

What am I thinking about?

What am I focused on?

I ask these questions when I find myself in a dark place.

When I’m sad.

When I’m stuck in yesterday.

When the list of what I have lost seems way too long.

When my shattered dreams fill my head as the tears drip down my face.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty last year.  Those of you who knew him realized that he was unique – he had a high level of integrity and knowledge of what was right and wrong and he also loved people and loved to have fun.  His dad was one of his best friends – we were very close.

And suddenly – without warning – Davey was gone.

Every day, new pains appear as we are reminded of just how much of the light and joy in our lives went with him.

On Davey’s birthday in November, a group of his family and friends visited his spot in the cemetery and released balloons into the sky.  Police Chaplain Bob Fesmire explained that this is a very old tradition reaching back to biblical times when incense was burned so it could combine with the prayers of God’s people as they floated up to heaven.

This is what I need to focus on.  And I invite those of who have experienced a huge loss in your life to join me.

I’m going to Look Up –

Look up to see the sun shining on all of my blessings that are still here.

Look up to remember that my prayers – our prayers – go to a God who loves us and who wants the best for us and who can do the impossible.

As 2018 begins, lets Look Up together to see all the possibilities a brand new year can bring.

#8144loveyou