It’s Coming

May is coming quickly and it’s a tough month for me. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty in May 2016. His official End of Watch is May 19 but, if you’ve read my blogs you know I often use May 18th because he was gone by the time I saw him in the hospital. Machines kept his body functioning until the next day so we could say goodbye and he could fulfill his wish of being an organ donor. But the awesome son, husband, father, brother and friend that we all knew was not in that hospital bed.

May 18th will forever be the worst day of my life. We always do something to commemorate May 19th which works for me because the worst day – May 18th – is behind me by then.

And, of course, my Blue Family knows that May 15th is Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Day. So 4 days before Davey’s official E.O.W we are remembering and honoring all of our fallen heroes. So many men and women have died serving their communities. Too many families are going through the nightmare we are going through. So many lives blown apart.

I’m sure you can start to understand why May is a specially hard month for me.

The good news is that this is all followed by my wedding anniversary with Dave, my husband, on May 23. Forty years. We were supposed to be celebrating this year on a cruise through the Greek Isles but you know what happened to that plan. I’m grateful that our anniversary is at the end of May. It is a light at the end of the tunnel by giving us something positive to celebrate. It is an accomplishment to be proud of, especially because together we have survived the worst thing that can happen to a parent. It reminds us that our marriage has been one of our anchors in the continuing storm of missing Davey.

This year my husband and I are going to Washington, DC and plan to spend several hours at the Law Enforcement Officers Memorial on May 15. I know Police Week has moved to October this year and I’m happy about that for the first year survivors from last year and this year. They need Police Week.

I just need to spend a couple of hours on the 15th in the afternoon by my son’s name at the memorial. 38 – W:30. That’s where I’ll be. If you are in town, please stop in, I would love to meet you. Thomas Yoxall – I’ll be looking for you.

One of the main things that has helped me keep moving forward through the roller coaster of pain and grief that has defined my life these last almost 5 years is getting as close to God as I possibly can. God remains my Rock as he shows me how to survive with a heart that was smashed on May 18, 2016. I spend many hours each week with my Bible open on my lap, listening and talking to God.

The number of those hours with my Father will be going way up in May.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

A Hero’s Heartbeat

Heroes recognize each other.

They sense it when they have read about or met another person who has the same level of commitment to the greater good as they do.  These heroes are willing to put themselves at risk in order to help or protect others.

Of course, none of them would call themselves heroes.  But we do.  Because looking at their lives, we see something special.  We see a level of love and courage and sacrifice in their lives that we just don’t see in our own lives.

My son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016, loved Pat’s Run. He signed up for next year’s run as soon as this year’s run was over.  He recruited groups of friends and family every year to run beside him.  And as soon as Micah, his son, was old enough Micah was running in the kid’s run – with Davey right beside him.

Now I realize Davey loved to honor the memory of Pat Tillman because Davey had the heart of hero beating inside of him.

He shared Pat’s burning need to be more,

and give more

and protect more. 

Davey recognized these things in Pat’s life because he had the same passions inside of him.

To us, Pat’s run has now become a remembrance of all those who served others selflessly and lost their lives.  Davey’s squad members proudly carry the Blue Line Flag as a way to dedicate their run to their brothers and sisters in the Thin Blue Line who gave their lives protecting their communities.  It’s a virtual run again this year but hopefully next year crowds of people with #42 on their shirts will be back running on the streets of our cities, remembering and honoring a hero.  Our team will be running to remember and honor all heroes.

As a soldier, Pat Tillman put himself at risk to serve his country.  As a Police Officer, Davey put himself at risk every day to serve the people in his city.

And they both lost their lives because of the heart of a hero that beat inside of them.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

It’s Invisible…

but it’s there.

It’s a cloud of grief with my son, David Glasser’s name on it.  He was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.   This cloud has hung over my life since that day.  You don’t see it or feel it.

But I do.

I have moments of silent grief when anyone I know shares that they talked to their son or went somewhere with their son.   That used to be my husband and I.  We lived 1 1/2 miles away from Davey and his family the last 5 years of his life.  We talked to him almost every day and saw him almost as much.  We were included in all of his plans for fun which were many and often.

Oh, how we miss those fun times with Davey!

I have moments of silent grief when anything about Police Officers comes onto the television.  Another officer being killed in the line of duty brings back the memories of the shock and disbelief of those first few weeks….and months. Any disrespect or dishonor exhibited for Police Officers is very personal to me.  It feels like disrespect and dishonor for Davey’s bravery and commitment in serving and protecting his community.

Davey gave his life for the people in his city.

I have moments of silent grief whenever I do something Davey used to do.  Even something as simple as cooking beer brats takes me back to Davey’s kitchen as I watched him make a big pot of brats for all of the friends and family that he was inviting over that day. 

Davey loved people so he found lots of reasons to invite people to his house to have a good time.

There are many moments of silent grief when I watch Davey’s son and daughter playing sports.  Davey would have been right in the middle of it all, coaching them and showing them how proud he was of them.

He was such a great dad!

I have moments of silent grief whenever I see someone receiving a folded flag.  We have a folded flag in our house and we know all about the pain and loss that comes with it.

I have moments silent grief whenever I’m around Davey’s friends and squad members.  All of the awesome memories are great and the love and support we have for one another makes a difference …..but the hole he left in our lives is so big.

If you have experienced a tragedy like mine, you understand.  If you haven’t, I hope you never know what this cloud of grief feels like.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

Because He Lives

Disappointments. Pain. Grief. Loss. Heartbreak.

These words describe many of my days since May 18, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, who was Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.

This doesn’t just describe the first year after Davey was killed, or the second year. It’s been every year. The grief changes but its still there. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday I received the phone call telling me Davey had been shot and I needed to go to the hospital. There are still moments where my brain plays tricks on me and I feel like I’m waiting for him to walk in the door with his huge smile on his face, telling me about his next plan to have some fun.

But Davey’s not going to walk in the door.

I know that.

I also know that God, in his infinite wisdom decided that May 18th, 2016 would be Davey’s last day on earth. God’s Word tells me that each of our final days are decided before we are born and nothing is going to change that. This fact has helped me put aside any ‘what ifs’ about May 18th. It was already decided. Everyone did the best they could do. Now, with our love for Davey secure in our hearts and our minds full of great memories, we move forward.

The reality is that Davey is living his best life right now. God took him out of this world full of disappointments and pain. Davey is where each of us who have put our faith in Jesus desire to be.

You know all about the struggles down here on earth – and they are growing for the Law Enforcement community. The Thin Blue Line is under attack from the people who should be supporting them. I remember how bad I thought it was in 2016 but the attacks and disrespect and disregard have gotten infinitely worse.

There are no more struggles for Davey. He got his reward early. This picture is Davey on a cruise with all of his best buddies from his squad just a couple of months before he was killed. See that smile? He was having a great time and I know he’s smiling like that where he is right now.

Jesus died on the cross for Davey so Davey would not die, but live in his forever home with his Father God. Because Davey put his faith in Christ, he walked hand in hand with Jesus into heaven on May 18, 2016.

Jesus is alive and that means Davey is also alive, waiting for the rest of us who have accepted the free salvation Jesus offers to join him in heaven.

We celebrate today – because he lives.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.