not tomorrow.

Looking back, before my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer was killed in the in line of duty, one of the things I’m very grateful for is the fact that we didn’t put things off until tomorrow.  We were – and still are – people who don’t wait until next year, or the next year or the next year to do fun things together.

We went.  We saw.  We did.  We had a great time.  And we have the awesome memories to prove it.

No regrets.

We discovered that there is never a perfect time – we just had to plan it and do it and it all worked out.  What sounded crazy at first – “Let’s all go to Italy next summer” – becomes possible with a good plan and the willingness to just go for it.  I have travelled a lot so I was ready but I remember asking my husband if he was ready for an adventure when I was planning the Italy trip.  He said he was so,  after an 8-day unaccompanied tour of Venice, Florence and Rome we took off across Italy totally on our own.  It was a 5 hour train ride each way, 3 different trains, way down to the heel of Italy where very few Americans go for a week on the beaches of the Adriatic Sea.

What an awesome trip that was!

When the kids were young, we traveled to the Grand Canyon (obviously), Hawaii, Florida, the Poconos, New York City,  and various other places on the east coast.  We always went to baseball games where ever we travelled so we have visited a lot of stadiums. We also camped often – all over Arizona with a lot of different people.  Good times!  Since Davey married Kristen when they were young, she was part of our family for college graduation trips to London, Spain and Italy.  My husband and I cruised to Alaska with Davey and Kristen before they had kids.

Davey continued to love to travel – to go and do – as an adult.  He and Kristen took many trips together and then with Micah.  Davey loved his ‘guy’ trips to Vegas and Cardinals games.  He continued the tradition of going to a baseball or football game where ever he went – eventually visiting most of the stadiums in the United States.

I can’t tell you how glad we are that we didn’t wait.  We didn’t put off having fun together.  We didn’t talk about what we were going to do together someday – we made a plan and did it.  It wasn’t all about the big trips, either.  We had a great time camping as well.

No regrets.

Davey saw and did a lot in his 34 short years and we shared a huge amount of those adventures with him.

My advice to you – if you’ve been putting off having some fun and making great new memories with people you love, today is the day to stop thinking about it and actually do it.  Make a plan, make reservations, put a date to it.

You’ll be glad you did.

We are.

Miss you, Davey.

Standing Here

I’m standing here …..

surrounded by the rubble of my dreams.

They were my dreams for the future of my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

There are times when the piles of my broken hopes and plans overwhelm me.  So many good times with him snatched from my life.  So much happiness and so many smiles that will never be.

He planned to retire from the Police force and get his teaching certificate.  He wanted to teach in high school and coach high school basketball.  He would have been an awesome teacher and an even greater coach.  I witnessed some of his potential when Micah, his son, got old enough to start playing in various sports leagues.  Davey was always beside him during water breaks, giving him tips and encouraging him.

So much has been lost.

Davey was always the responsible oldest child.   He cared for his father and I – making sure we were doing well and gor any healp we needed.   A couple of months before he was killed, my husband and I had rented an RV for a week and then drove it from Denver down to Phoenix.  Davey was not happy when he found out we had gotten back and we hadn’t let him know we were safely home.  He took his responsibilities seriously.

A couple of months before that I was driving my car with a donut (spare tire) because I had a flat tire and hadn’t had time to get it fixed.  He refused to let me drive my car to work on the freeway because donuts were not made to go that fast.  It’s not safe.  He insisted that we switch cars and he got my tire fixed for me while I went to work.

He was supposed to be here beside his dad and I as we move into the fall of our lives.  He was supposed to grow old with Kristen.  They were married very young so they could have easily celebrate 65 or 70  years of marriage.  He was supposed to coach Micah and Eden’s teams and proudly watch them graduate from high school.  Then he was planning to happily watch them graduate from ASU (if he got his way).  Sharing the joy of weddings and his grandchildren with him – it’s all gone.

Only the rubble of the dreams is left.

I’m standing here because I’m not sitting. I’m not staying in the rubble.

I’m still here because God has a purpose for me.  I’m not done yet.  So I’ll keep moving forward, going where God leads me until he calls me home –  where there are no tears, no grief, no rubble.

MIss you Davey.


Everything Shook

May 18, 2016.

David Glasser, my son, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on that day.

And everything in my world shook.

You cannot imagine what that feels like until it happens to you.  Because it wasn’t just my life – the tsunami of his death hit everyone who was close to Davey.

My two grandchildren’s world exploded.  My daughter-in-law’s world crashed.

My husband’s world shattered into tiny pieces.  Davey was his best friend and my husband’s father had just passed away 2 weeks before Davey was killed.  Too much.

My daughter’s world tilted sideways as all of her dreams and plans with her big brother crumbled.

Davey’s close friend’s and squad member’s worlds spiraled in various directions as each person felt the blow of Davey’s death.

The world shook.  It twisted.  It filled with unimaginable grief.  It emptied of joy and light.

I needed something solid to hold onto while everything around me smashed and rocked.  And I found the one thing that didn’t shatter, didn’t tilt, didn’t explode.  He was right beside me and he was Rock Solid – my Father God.  Always there, always loving us, always caring for us.

God has been with us every step of the way as we have each had to pick our way through the devastation Davey’s death had on our lives.  I am completely convinced that God is good and nothing that has happened to me changes that.

When my world stopped shaking, I realized it was in this new place, a new reality.  My head recognizes this place and knows I have to keep moving forward.  My heart is still regularly tugged back to a time when Davey was here, making me laugh and filling my life with his special kind of love.

Before my whole world shook.

Miss you, Davey.