When tragedy strikes, we are forced to choose a path.

When my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty 10 years ago, each of us affected by it were forced to choose a path.

When the sun came up on May 19, 2016 and Davey was dead, I had a decision to make.

Was I going to choose a path of bitterness?  Would I be defined as a victim of what was done to me for the rest of my life?  Would my life get stuck on this event?

Or would I choose life?  Would I figure out how to move forward?  Would I deal with the tears and the grief and the hole in my life in light of the fact that I was still here.  I still have a purpose.

When tragedy strikes, we are forced to choose.  Each day we make a choice.  The good news is, if we make a wrong choice one day, we can change it the next.  We have this choice until that day of our final breath.

My decision was very easy when I thought of what Davey would want me to do.  He loved life.  He loved people.  He loved God.  And he lived his life full speed ahead.

There is no question about which choices honor his legacy.  There is no doubt what he would say if we got the chance to ask.

He would say live life to its fullest.  Love people.  Love God.  Never stop growing and giving and having fun.  Live a life of no regrets.  Forgive and move on so you can avoid bitterness and a victim mentality.  Value integrity and honor.  Make your life count by caring for and helping others.

These are the choices that honor Davey and honor what he died for.

So this is what I choose.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you💙💙

for the long haul.

And – believe me – I never understood how long the long haul was before my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer was killed in the line of duty 10 years ago.

The long haul is not just long.  It’s hard.  It’s really painful.  It can be confusing.  It can feel like punishment for something – not sure what.  It can feel lonely…and endless…..and just not worth it.

But feelings change with the moment.  Feelings fluctuate in a second.  If I let my feelings guide me, one moment I’m down, what’s the use of all of this and then the next moment I’m smiling because I thinking of my family and our awesome daughter and grand darlings.  Emotional roller-coasters are no fun so I’ve learned to stick to the facts.  And the facts are that God’s got this and I’m committed to this journey for the long haul.

But it’s not easy.

My husband and I visited the Jack Daniel’s Distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee not long after Davey was killed.  I was amazed at their process – they have only about 5% waste.  They have set themselves up so they can keep going just like they are for hundreds of more years.  They recycle the water they use, they sell the mash to farmers who feed it to their very happy cows and pigs, they sell the used barrels to vineyards and the public, they make their own charcoal to filter the alcohol and then they turn the used charcoal into Bbq chips we can buy for our grilling,  They are solid.  They are ‘sustainable’ which is a new buzz word for a process that is going to make it for the long haul.

They have set themselves up to be successful for a very long time.

What about me and you?  Can we say the same thing?  It’s important to ask ourselves some tough questions once in awhile to make sure we’re going to a place where we want to go.

Are the things I’m spending most of my time on worth it – for the long haul? Is the pace of my life at a rate where I can keep it up for a long time?  Are my relationships and priorities right so I will have no regrets when I take my last breath?  Am I strong enough in my beliefs and values that I’ll be able to weather the storms that are coming my way?  Or will I get tossed around, lose my way and get stuck on the rocks?

I have met quite a few people since Davey was killed that are stuck in bitterness and anger and regrets because of tragedies that have happened in their lives.  They are letting the tragedy poison the rest of their lives and they are on the road to a very lonely and sad place because they are becoming people no one else wants to be around.

My son died while serving and protecting our community.  I get to choose to honor his sacrifice by making however long I have left on this earth add to the amount of love and good in the world.  I can make a difference – over this very long haul.

Each one of us gets to choose.

What are you choosing?

Miss you, Davey.

Love you💙💙

 

 

“Survivors” used to make me think about people who have lived through shipwrecks and plane crashes.  These were people who had experienced the ravages of tragedy first hand and had lived through it.

Right after my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016, our law enforcement family started calling us ‘survivors’.  In the fog of the first year after Davey was killed, it didn’t make sense to me.  But then it did – I definitely felt and still feel like a survivor.

Sometimes, my life since the day Davey was killed seems like a train wreck that hasn’t stopped yet.  Railroad cars filled with my hopes and dreams keep coming.

But the track broke almost 10 year ago…

and the cars keep falling off the track –

one by one,

down…

into a deep,

dark

ravine.

There’s a big, growing pile of my broken dreams at the bottom of this ravine.

Other days, it feels more like we were all on a ship that was hit by a huge hurricane.  The storm was totally unexpected. It was huge and ferocious. When our ship crashed into the rocks, we were washed up on an unknown shore – missing one very special person.

We landed in a place we never wanted to be.  But we’re here together.  The old ship is gone.

We’re all trying to survive in this new place.

With a heart that is broken into a million pieces and with a huge hole in my life, I have been figuring out how to survive without Davey for almost 10 years. God had a purpose for bringing Davey home to heaven and he has a purpose for leaving me here.

If you have survived a tragedy, the same can be said for you.

There’s a reason. There’s a plan. We just need to figure it out and go about our Father’s business.

It’s why we’re still here.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.💙💙

May 18, 2016 blew up my world – thrusting me into a dark, confusing, very sad place.  A place of grief.  A place I never wanted to go.

I have had other people very close to me die – my mother, father and all three of my older brothers.

But this was not the same. It is not the same. Not even close.

My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police officer, was killed  in the line of duty.  And I can’t even explain how much worse it has been compared to other deaths in my family.

Yes, the first year after he was killed was a long and horrible year of very difficult ‘firsts’.

But then the pain of permanence set in.  The reality of life long-term without Davey didn’t seem possible.  Ten years later, tears drip down my face when I remember that I will have to live the rest of my life on this planet without him.

I now know how terribly empty his birthday feels without him.

I know how relentless the ache is every year on Christmas and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day when Davey’s not here.

I know the heartbreak behind the smiles during the birthdays of his children when a very happy and proud father is missing.

There are no words to describe how awful the permanence of this situation feels.  

In the months following May 18, 2016, I had no idea how my family and I would find our way back to our normal. It didn’t take me too long to understand that we will never go back.

That time, that place is gone.

My life – our life – back there is gone.

So we have been moving forward – a new life, a new reality, a new normal. Without Davey.

Sometimes this new place is filled with sadness as the unending reality of the situation etches itself onto my soul.  Other times I’m filled with gratitude for the 34 1/2 years we had him here with us.

In some ways each year seems a little tougher than the year before….

another year without Davey.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you💙💙