Month: January 2023

Look Up!!

What am I thinking about?

What am I focused on?

I ask these questions when I find myself in a dark place. When I’m sad. When I’m stuck in yesterday. When the list of what I have lost seems way too long.

When my shattered dreams fill my head as the tears drip down my face.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  Those of you who knew him realized that he was unique – he blended integrity and faith with loving people and having a great time in an unusual way.  My husband and I lived 1 1/2 miles away from Davey the last 5 years of his life so we got to spend a lot of time with him and his family. We were very close.

And suddenly – without warning – Davey was gone.

Every day, I am reminded of just how much of the light and joy in my life went with him.

Once a year, as a memorial to Davey, a group of our family and friends visit his spot in the cemetery and release balloons into the sky.  This is a very old tradition reaching back to biblical times when incense was burned so it could combine with the prayers of God’s people as they floated up to heaven.

Every year, as our balloons covered with messages of love rise high into the sky and finally disappear, I am reminded that this is what I need to do.  Look up.  And I invite those of who have experienced a huge loss in your life to join me.

I look up and see the sun shining on all of the blessings God has given me that are still here.

I look up and remember how important sharing messages of love and encouragement are to those of us left behind.

I look up and remember that my prayers – our prayers – go to a God who loves us and who wants the best for us and who can do the impossible.

Looking up has been vitally important to my journey since Davey was killed and I have decided to name the book I’m writing, “Then I Looked Up”. The subtitle is Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love. We are on target to publish it in March and it may be possible to pre-order it.

You will be the first to know!

As this first month of 2023 quickly comes to a close, I encourage all of us to “Look up” to God this year and let him fill our lives with joy, and hope and love.

Miss you, Davey.

Love You.

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When There’s No Tomorrow

The pain is burned into my memory.

The grief is deeply etched into my soul.

That day – the day my son, David Glasser who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.  May 18, 2016.

It’s the day when my life as I knew it exploded.  All my expectations for the future had Davey in them so it was all ripped away, leaving a huge, hurting hole in my life.  After almost seven years, I know that nothing will ever fill that hole.

I totally understand why people like me get stuck in a pit of despair.  I’ve been there.  I was violently pushed into a deep, dark place of grief by Davey’s death …. and I wanted to stay there.  Clutching his smile, his jokes, his integrity, and his love for others close to my heart, I didn’t want to move.  The dark felt good and right – my shattered heart felt right at home.

But my head knew that – somehow – I was going to need to crawl out of that pit.  I knew I could not let myself get stuck there.

With God’s help, I moved toward the light.  One step at a time.  Some days my steps went backwards but I was moving.  I made myself look up instead of back and, when I looked up, I saw my two little grand darlings – Davey’s children – who needed me.  I saw my daughter and husband who needed me.  I saw other family members and friends who needed me.  There is a reason I was still here and it was not to stay in that dark, terrible, but somehow comforting pit.

Looking back I realize that lying under the need to stay in the pit was a numbing fear that, if I moved forward, I would leave Davey behind.  That hasn’t happened.  All of my love and memories of him have moved forward with me.  He was and is and always will be a part of me.  He’s not here but he’s not gone.

For Davey, there are no more tomorrows here on earth but those of us left behind have important tomorrows where we need to be engaged and loving and – somehow – find hope again.  It’s the hope that only faith in God can give.

So the challenge for me and for you is to love others around us like there is no tomorrow because, someday, there won’t be.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy Glasser2 Comments

They Don’t Know

On By Judy Glasser4 Comments

How could they possibly know?

I just heard it again. Several different people who have lost a child have shared with me that a person in their lives has said to them something like “you’re still crying about that?”

Unbelievable.

This is a critical, mean and unhelpful thing to say to anyone who is grieving – especially someone who has lost a child.

Only those of us who have lost a child understand that the painful hole in our lives doesn’t go away. My son, David Glasser, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. Birthdays, holidays, and special family times touch the broken pieces of my heart every year. It doesn’t matter how many years ago it happened. It doesn’t heal. In some ways it gets harder because he is missing more and more. He was supposed to be here.

Losing a child is different from losing a grandparent or a parent. We always expected that there would be a time in our lives when our parents were going to be gone. But our children were supposed to go to our funeral, not the other way around.

When we lose a child we lose their whole future. All their goals and dreams are ripped away, leaving an emptiness that doesn’t stop aching in our souls.

How could anyone who has not lost a child know how it feels? It would be great if people would just not say anything if they didn’t have something compassionate and understanding to say. Unfortunately, our culture is breeding a large number of people who think they should say whatever they want to say, even when its inappropriate and they don’t know anything about the situation.

Can you tell that it upsets me to think of someone saying “are you still crying about that” to a parent who has lost a child? I have a direct personality and that may be the reason why none of the people who say things like this has had the guts to say it to me. They’re not sure they want to hear what I would say back to them.

Actually, my response would be, “I’m glad you don’t know what losing a child feels like. I’m glad you haven’t experienced a loss so great that you are reminded of it every day of every year for the rest of your life. I hope you never know what it’s like. But, if it ever happens to you, I will not say ‘Are you still crying about that’. Because then you will understand.”

And I will want to say, “It would be a good idea to keep your mean, critical thoughts about something you know nothing about to yourself.”

But I won’t say it.

How could they possibly know?

I’m Excited

On By Judy Glasser12 Comments

Are you wondering how my book is going?

Several months ago I told you I was writing a book about my journey of surviving the death of a child. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

The book is about halfway edited and on target to be published sometime in March. I’m excited to see what God is going to do with it.

The working title (it may change) is “Picking Up the Pieces – the story of one parent finding hope in their worst nightmare. Here is my picture for the back of the cover. I’m glad I got the picture taking done – it’s definitely not my favorite part of this process.

I have two main prayers for this book. First, that it will help parents who have lost a child find hope and not feel so alone. Second, that God will draw people closer to him through my story.

The fact that I have been blogging about this journey for the last 6 years has been a big help in remembering the wide spectrum of feelings I have experienced. I wasn’t prepared, however, for the overwhelming emotions that came from writing it all down. There are many parts of my story that I never included in a blog. Blogs are more of a ‘thought’, so some of my experiences never fit.

Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent. I never imagined that this would happen to me. I realized early on that God was writing this story in my life and someday I would be putting it in a book.

This book.

He gave me a purpose for the pain.