His Darkest Hour

It was going to be a fantastic day!

Davey and Kristen were expecting their first child – a son.  I will never forget Davey’s text early in the morning saying they were going to the hospital.  It was two weeks early but it was going to happen today!  I had wanted to be a grandmother for a long time and now it was happening!

I checked in with him several times that morning to hear the progress.  I was kidding myself that I could actually get any work done so, when Davey texted me asking me to pick up a newborn ASU outfit, I was ready to leave.  I  weaved my way through the city, stopping at a couple of stores until I found what I was looking for.  I received a call from Davey while I was in line to pay for the ASU onesie.

“Mom, I can’t talk.  The doctor is going to do an emergency C-section in just a minute.  Things aren’t going well.  Start praying.”

And he hung up.

My heart flipped over and I prayed all the way to hospital.  I ran into the hospital and found Davey already in the nursery with Micah.

His tiny, new son was holding onto one of Davey’s trembling fingers.  He told me they were still working with Kristen in recovery but everything was going to be alright.  I was shocked when I looked into Davey’s eyes and saw them filled with raw, unfiltered fear.

It was very evident that he had just been through hell and back.  Everyone was fine.  But Davey would never be the same.

Later, he journalled some of his thoughts and emotions during that terrifying time in the delivery room and he shared them with some of us.  The very real possibility of losing both his wife and his son at the same time shook him to the core of who he was.baptisms-014

As a Police Officer, he regularly faced the possibility of something happening to him personnally.  He recognized and accepted the danger.  But he had never come face to face with the imminent possibility of losing the two most important people in his life.

Whenever something earth-shaking like this happens in our lives, we are changed.  And we have a choice in that change.  We decide how we’re going to respond.

Davey responded by opening up his heart even more to the people around him.  His understanding of how short our time is here on earth was in sharp focus.  He experienced the reality that the people he loved the most could be gone in an instant.

So he chose to love.  He chose to speak his love and show his love more often to people.  This included people he didn’t know – yet.

You might be one of those people who he reached out to in love and drew you into his circle of fun and friendship.  I’d really love to hear your stories.

A tragedy took Davey away from us last year.

And the question remains for each one of us – how am I choosing to respond?

Am I becoming more loving?  More accepting?

How would the people in my life describe my response?

It’s extremely important for all of us to figure this out.  Because it’s not a matter of ‘if’ something bad is going to happen to us again.  It’s only a matter of ‘when’.

That’s reality.

We all have more than just one dark hour and – each time- we get a chance to choose our response.

Davey chose to love.

#8144loveyou

 

 

My Nightmare

It happened again last week.

While talking with someone I just met, the subject came up and I said my son had been killed last year.

Last year.

Sometimes the pain feels like yesterday.

It’s very hard.

And saying it makes it more real.

For weeks after Davey’s death, I would wake up every morning hoping that it was all just a bad dream.

Praying that it was all a nightmare that I could wake up from.fullsizerender-2

Every morning I would open my eyes and look around my bedroom – hoping I wouldn’t see the frame on my dresser which holds the last Mother’s Day card I’ll ever get from Davey.  The one he signed “I love you”.

Every morning I would hope I wouldn’t see his memorial picture that hangs in my kitchen.  He had such a great smile.

As I looked around, I was hoping that I wouldn’t see the blue line flag I painted when a bunch of us got together to try to start healing our broken hearts.  Together, we are stronger.

But I saw the card and the picture and the flag everyday.

Because it wasn’t just a very bad dream.

The worst happened.

The nightmare is real.

And I know the nightmare is still very real to a whole group of us who knew Davey well and loved him.  I can see it in your eyes.

Our hearts are broken.  There’s a big gaping hole in our lives.  We can’t go back to our old lives because Davey is not there.

It’s like a dimmer switch has been turned down on the light and laughter and joy in our world.

You feel it, too.

I don’t know how people can deal with tragedy like this without faith in God. I believe that Davey is in heaven with his Father God.  With my Father God.  He’s there with my mother, father, stepfather, brother and many more of my family and friends who have gone home before him.  I believe that God is in the process of bringing good out of the evil that was done.  I believe that I’ve been left behind because God has a part for me in this plan.img_2481

Davey walked into my dream a couple of weeks ago.  I was sitting at the table with Kristen and my little granddaughter.  It felt like a regular ‘time to color’ or ‘let’s eat’.  Then Davey walked in and sat down.  He gave us a big smile.  He didn’t say anything.  He just smiled at all of us.

I looked at Kristen and blinked.

Maybe everything else really was all just a dream!!

It felt so real.  The explosion of hope in my heart was so strong that it woke me up.

And the nightmare was back.  Sometimes I just want to live in that dream.

But Davey’s  big smile stays with me.  He’s happy.  He is in a place with no sadness, pain or nightmares.  The battle between good and evil that he committed his adult life to here on earth is over for him.  Where he is, the good guys have won.  Davey has won.

On the day that is already determined for me, I will see him again.  It will not be a dream, it will be my new, eternal reality.

What about you?

I know he would like to see you again, too.

#8144loveyou

 

Not Just One Day

Davey made a habit of telling people he loved them and showing love to them.  He thought this was so important that he tried to influence those around him to also catch the ‘love you’ habit.

So, does it surprise you that he didn’t like Valentine’s Day?

He thought is was a holiday made up by the card and candy manufacturers in order to make money.  He knew that telling someone you love them and showing it was not a one day each year holiday.  It should be an every day event  So, setting aside a day didn’t make sense to him.  I received Valentine cards from him during his ‘make your mom a valentine card’ years at school and church but not very many after that.daveydave-tony-and-carter

What I received from him was so much more valuable than a card.  He gave me consistent, genuine love and attention.  Those of you who are his friends, ‘family’ and family know what I’m talking about.

He cared about us and he showed it regularly in a thousand different ways.

Every day.

Isn’t that so much more important than remembering to show our love one day a year?

Don’t get me wrong – I like Valentine’s Day.  I’ve already bought valentines and candy to give to my friends and family.  And I’ve already received a gorgeous bouquet from my husband – he knows I love flowers.  And he knows I like to get them early so I have them all day on whatever special day we’re celebrating.

But the challenge for us is to figure out how to make every day Valentine’s Day for those we love.  I’m not talking about buying stuff.  I’m talking about expressing our love in words and actions every day.img_2438

This is what the Love You Campaign is all about – remembering to tell people we love them and remembering to show people we love them with our actions.  I have been very encouraged by all of the ideas and love you have been sharing on the Dave Glasser Love You Campaign Facebook page.  You are great!  If you’re not a member of the group, just ask to join and you can share ideas with the rest of us.  We’ve all been putting stickers on things (mine is on the back of my phone) and decals on our cars to remember and honor Davey.  These decals also remind us to ‘Love You’ and encourage others around us to “Love You’.

daves-squadI have more stickers and decals – just let me know if you want some.  The sales of the stickers and decals are helping to fund the trip to Washington, DC for Police Week for Davey’s squad so they can be there to help honor him.  There is also a big March 11 fundraiser planned – we’ll see you there!

These are a couple of awesome ways for all of us to show our love to Davey’s squad!!

#Davewouldloveit #8144loveyou #fallenbutnotforgotten

 

 

He Loved the Cardinals

And he loved the Diamondbacks.

And he loved ASU football, baseball and basketball.

He loved sports – all of them.

On our family trip to Spain to celebrate his college graduation, Davey and his dad got up in the middle of the night to watch a baseball game on TV from back in the States.  There’s no doubt in my mind where Davey picked up his love for all sports.  They even watched soccer in Spain (since it was about the only sport on TV there) even though Davey and his dad never had too many good things to say about soccer.

Davey’s main sport in High School was basketball but he also played a lot of baseball in his younger years.  He loved football but I didn’t let daveys-25thhim play – too dangerous, too many injuries.  He reminded me often that I threw a ‘mom flag’ on that one and I always smiled.  I still think it was a good call.

He loved to watch football and became a huge Cardinal’s fan when they moved to town.  We had season tickets in the end zone for the first

several years after the Cardinals moved to Arizona when they played in the ASU stadium.  It wasn’t until the Cardinals moved to their Glendale Stadium that Davey became super-serious about tailgating.  One of his birthdays fell on a game day during those first years at the Glendale Stadium so we tailgated for his birthday.   He liked ASU Football as well and tailgated there sometimes but his dedication to the Cardinals was at an almost-obsessed level.

His tailgating crowd kept growing and moving and changing through the years.  More and more tailgating gear got added to his collection in the garage.  The number of season tickets in the group continued to grow along with the various people who owned and shared those tickets. He always

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAhad the newest and best jerseys even though I think they busted one of the guys who tried to sell them knock-offs?  Does anybody know the real story on that one?

The away-game trip became a tradition and was meticulously planned months ahead of time.

Davey was much more concerned about what kind of whiskey to bring to the game than what kind of food.  They only had 4 hours to tailgate so it was important to get started on time.

It was about the game but – even more – it was about the people.

He loved to bring his family with him – his dad was often in the car with him as they rolled into the stadium 4 hours early.  Davey regularly asked the rest of us to go and his sister always had a ticket when she was in town.

He loved to have fun with his friends – old, new and those he hadn’t met yet.  As soon as he became a Policeman, he had a whole new group of people to invite and many of his brothers and sisters in blue also started coming.  His goal was to get everyone mingling and having a great time together.at-the-game2

He loved to play games with friends and family, joke and laugh and make great memories.

Add in a Cardinals football game and life was perfect!

He wouldn’t be too excited about the Super Bowl Game today because the Cardinals aren’t in it.

But he would be excited about spending time with his family and friends.

Let’s raise a Coors Light or a shot of whiskey together today while we share some great memories!

Dave would love it!

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten