Month: December 2024

It’s Impossible

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens6 Comments

Have you ever said something was impossible?

Have you ever done something that you thought was impossible? I have.

I have a terrible memory and I’ve been like this for quite a while. Go ahead and shake your head ‘yes’ if you are with me on this. I don’t know my husband’s telephone number that he’s had for 25 years. I get confused about the address of my house where I have lived for almost 5 years. I was making cookies for Christmas the other day and stopped in the middle, looked down, and had no idea if I had already put in the baking soda or not. For you non-bakers, baking soda is VERY important. And don’t get me started on names. I forget names of people I have known for 40 years. If you know me and see me, I probably won’t use your name because…I can’t remember it. Sorry! Nothing personal, I’m like that with everyone.

So when God challenged me to memorize the entire first chapter of James many years ago, I laughed. Ha, ha! That was impossible. I had some success memorizing scripture earlier in my life but the older I get, the harder it has become. Not just hard, impossible from my point of view.

God told me he was serious and that he would help me. I’ve told you before that I have learned the hard way to obey God. Just obey. Don’t question. Don’t ‘pray about it’. Just obey.

So I told him I would try but that I thought it was impossible. He reminded me of Mark 10:27. It’s one of the few I could still remember from my early years. Look it up 🙂

I started with James 1. One verse at a time. I wrote them on index cards and added a card as soon as I could say the last one from memory. I took out my index cards every day – sometimes multiple times a day. I had told God I would do my part – get out my cards and say the verse a hundred times but he was going to have to do the rest. The actual etching of the words on my memory was his job. We were a team.

Imagine my amazement when the verses started to stick and I started moving through the chapter. I also researched and studied each verse as I memorized it which added a depth of understanding for this scripture that I had never had before. As I worked through it, I started to ‘feel’ the truth in James 1, not just say it. It buried itself deep in my soul. When I actually could say the whole chapter from memory, I was totally amazed at how awesome it was to see God work like that in my life. He did the impossible!

I realize now that God was writing the whole chapter of James 1 on my heart and mind for a couple of reasons –

  • My life shattered into small, painful pieces on May 18, 2016 which was the year after I finished memorizing the chapter. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on that day and my world went very dark. My life continued to crumble around me as I experienced the reality of life without Davey and God constantly spoke to me through the truth I had cemented into my mind. He comforted me and guided me down the long, difficult path of losing a child. He was my Rock then and he is still my Rock today. When God told me to memorize James 1, he was preparing me so I could hear him clearly and know exactly what he was talking about when I experienced the most devastating thing that can happen to a parent.
  • He was also teaching me and showing me what it means to partner with him. I do my part, he does his part and impossible things happen. This has eliminated my list of things that I think are impossible. Nothing is on that list. Since I have learned this, I have watched God do many impossible things in my life. I do my part and he does his. Partnering with him on the first chapter of James was so awesome that I have also memorized the entire 2d chapter – with God’s help – and I’m starting on Chapter 3.

I still have a bad memory when it comes to telephone numbers, addresses and names. But I can memorize scripture because I’ve got a supernatural, powerful God working with me.

I challenge you to get rid of your impossible list and start a very tangible working relationship with all-mighty God. You obey and do your part. Then watch him do his.

Nothing is Impossible with God.

What Do I Really Believe?

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

Do I really believe God loves me unconditionally?

Do I really believe God is all-powerful and that nothing is impossible for him?

Do I really believe that God wants the best for me and is working everything out for my good?

I bet some of these same thoughts and questions have gone through your mind in the past. I bet some of these same questions must have been going through Mary’s mind as the Angel Gabriel told her she was going to give birth to a son who would be a great king and whose kingdom would never end.

Mary was a virgin.  She was unmarried.

What did she really believe?  Was she willing to accept this immense, supernatural assignment for her life with the calm assurance that God would keep all of his promises to her?

Mary’s faith was strong and sure.  “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered, “May your word to me be fulfilled.”  Luke 1:38. Right answer, Mary!

Does Mary’s response to God challenge you?  It definitely challenges me.

God has given me an extremely painful road to travel following the death of my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty May 18, 2016.

It’s a very dark, grief-filled road with lots of hazards.

Do I believe that God can work even this evil and horrible event out for my good?  That’s a tough question. After many conversations with God,  my answer is yes.

But the good that will come from this will be based on God’s point of view, not mine.   You can probably imagine my perspective – I want my son, Davey, to still be here on earth, living less than 2 miles from me, dropping by later with his son to pick up my husband so they can all go to Home Depot like they used to do at least once a week.

That will never happen again.

God’s perspective is focused on eternity and he is teaching me some lessons I never wanted to learn about focusing myself on eternity as well.  I am realizing that people getting the chance to hear the messages of Davey’s legacy of love is a win for God because Davey loved God and shared his faith regularly.  The opportunities I am getting to share God’s love with others because of what happened to me is a win for God.  Any chance I get to tell my story of God’s faithfulness to me and to my family through this tragedy is a win for God.  A book I published a book on Amazon with the rest of this story, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love”, is a win for God.

As long as God is winning – I’m good.  I’ll submit.  I’ll trust.

“My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior.” Luke 1: 46 – 47.

It All Shook

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happened2 Comments

May 18, 2016.

David Glasser, my son, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on that day.

And everything in my world shook.

You cannot imagine what that feels like until it happens to you.  And it wasn’t just my life – the tsunami of his death hit everyone who was close to Davey. My two grandchildren’s world exploded.  My daughter-in-law’s world crashed. My daughter’s world flipped upside down as all of her dreams and plans with her big brother crumbled.

My husband’s world shattered into tiny pieces.  Davey was his best friend and my husband’s father had just passed away 10 days before Davey was killed.  Too much. How do we deal with this much devastating loss in such a short time?

Davey’s close friend’s and squad member’s worlds spiraled in various directions as each person felt the blow of Davey’s death.

The world shook.  It twisted.  It filled with unimaginable grief.  It emptied of joy and light.

I needed something solid to hold onto while everything around me smashed and rocked.  And I found the one thing that didn’t shatter, didn’t tilt, didn’t explode.  He was right beside me and he was Rock Solid – my Father God.  Always there, always loving me, always caring for me.

God has been with us every step of the way as we have each had to pick our way through the devastation Davey’s death had on our lives.  I am completely convinced that God is good and nothing that has happened to me changes that.

When my world gradually stopped shaking, I realized I was in this new place, a new reality.  It’s somewhere I never, ever wanted to be. My head recognizes this place and I know I have been left behind for a purpose. I have to keep moving forward. 

My heart is still regularly tugged back to a time when Davey was here, making me laugh and filling my life with his special kind of love. My husband and I just spent 10 days in the Phoenix area making new memories with Davey’s two children, having fun with old friends and making new friends. I had to stop my heart from focusing on how empty Phoenix feels without Davey. It’s hard. It hurts. People and places just kept touching the broken parts of my heart, the parts that will remain like that until I go to my forever home. So many precious memories of a different time……

my life before my whole world shook.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

The Most Difficult Time of the Year

Each day, as we get closer to Christmas, the hole in my heart grows a little bigger…and a little darker.  The pain becomes a little stronger.

It becomes increasingly harder not to focus on what I have lost.  What my family has lost.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty May 18, 2016.  My journey since then has been a uphill struggle.  And this struggle intensifies during the holidays when happy memories haunt my days.  Davey is 7 in this picture and our daughter, Katie, is 3.  They were both so excited about Christmas!  Davey had actually received the Teddy Ruxspin bear that Katie is holding from a family member for his birthday in November but his little sister loved it so much that he let her have it.  That’s who he was already at 7 years-old.

Sometimes I just wish the holidays were over.

I know many of you share my feelings.  Since I’ve had this very public and tragic loss in my life, more people have been telling me about their own heartbreaks and the losses they have experienced.  And others haven’t talked about it but I can see the private pain in your eyes when we talk about my tragedy.

We both know the struggle, we share the struggle – especially at Christmas.

So I force my attention away from my loss and focus on all the blessings God is giving me right now –  my four granddarlings are at the top of that list.  They are so precious and they distract me from thinking about who is NOT here.

One of the several life-changing lessons I have learned from this tragedy is just how short our lives can be and how quickly someone can be gone.  The painful grief I feel reminds me that I need to make the most of the time I have now with the people that are still here.  This is not the time to get stuck in yesterday.  I have new memories to make because there is no guarantee that we’ll have tomorrow together here on earth.

My heartache also reminds me that you and I shouldn’t ignore the difficult days that so many people around us are experiencing this time of year.  I read that the Christmas season has the highest rate of suicide across our nation.

That is so wrong.

So I pray for those of us who are feeling additional pain and loss during these tough weeks.  And I am trying to be extra patient and kind to people in my world this week – on the freeway, at the store, in the parking lots.  Many of them are going through hard times and I don’t want to add to the difficulties they have in their lives.

Can each of us think of a way we can reach out helping hands to others who are not enjoying ‘the most wonderful time of the year’?

And please join me in praying for a little more peace on earth during this holiday season.  We need it.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

It’s Happening Again

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens7 Comments

This will be my 9th Christmas without my son, David Glasser.  He was a Phoenix Police Officer killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

If you have experienced loss, you have probably heard this many times – “the first year without them is the worst”. Crowds of people told me this during that first Christmas season after Davey’s death.  And, yes, it was very tough.   The Christmas season lasted forever.  It was hard to be around so many smiling people who were celebrating and having a fun time.  I was not having a fun time.  My smiles were few and far between.  I felt a huge amount of relief when that first holiday season was finally over.

So I was hoping that what people told me was true and the coming years would be better.  It surprised me when the second Christmas was even more painful than the first as the permanence of the situation started to become a reality.  The permanence of the pain has become increasingly real during the 3rd,  4th , 5th 6th, 7th and 8th years of living with the growing hole where Davey should be.

This is my 9th Christmas without Davey – and it’s happening again.  It’s my Quadruple Whammy. One punch, two punches, three punches and then – the final punch.

The first punch is Davey’s son, Micah’s, birthday in the beginning of November.  I still don’t want to believe that Davey will never be at any of Micah’s birthdays, graduations, wedding, or hold his own grandchildren.  We have lost so much.

Next comes Davey’s birthday in November – a couple of weeks after Micah’s.  It was his 43rd birthday this year – full of great memories laced with the pain.  He should have had 60 more birthdays.  We have all been robbed.

The third punch is Thanksgiving.  There are times when I struggle to say, “Happy Thanksgiving” to people.  For me, it’s compounded by the fact that my father died on Thanksgiving 46 years ago.  Last year my brother, Marlow, passed away 3 days after Thanksgiving. He was the last of my 3 older brothers and I’m the only member of my immediate family left. It’s not surprising that I ride an emotional roller coaster up and down during November.

And then the final whammy – Christmas.  So many great Christmas’ with Davey!  He was a light in my life and now it’s hard to ignore the darkness.  So I focus on how grateful I am for the birth of God’s son, Jesus, my Savior.  Jesus is the light of the world and the hope he gives me lights up the dark places in my life.

I’ll just say this right out loud for me and for people like me – I’ll be glad when New Years Eve is over and another holiday season is past.  I feel pretty beat up by the time January rolls around.

In the Law Enforcement world, people like me are called Survivors.  I’ve spent over 8 years learning just how much surviving we have to do when we lose a child.  Every year, we have to ‘survive’ the holidays and birthdays and other special days.  We never know when something is going to reach out of a perfectly normal celebration and punch us in the gut.  It comes out of nowhere and spins us into the dark hole of grief we had hoped we left behind.

You have heard this from me before and you are hearing it again because it’s still true.  I have discovered that the best way for me to survive and deal with the whammies is to focus on all the good I had in my life before Davey was killed and all the good I still have.  When I focus on all I have lost, the pain intensifies.

I have also decided to get as close to God as I can and he comforts me each time my heart breaks a little more.

Because my quadruple whammy is not going away.  It’s happening again this year.

Miss you, Davey. 

Love you.