The hole that my son, David Glasser, left is getting bigger.

David was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18th, 2016.

It was almost 10 years ago……and the hole seemed big then.  It’s only gotten bigger.

He has missed so much.  He wasn’t there for so many things he should have been.  The list of missed birthdays, the missed Christmas’, the missed Father’s days – and Mother’s Days –  is growing. 

One of the ironic feelings I have when talking about and organizing David Glasser Foundation events is  ‘Davey would love this – he should be here’.  And I don’t mean his ‘spirit’ – I mean the super-tall guy with the big grin on his face making everybody laugh.

So many people say the first year after someone dies is the hardest.  I would agree that it is very hard.  We have to figure out all the ‘firsts’.  Our hearts are pierced and bleeding so it’s an overwhelming struggle to do anything for the first time without the one we lost.

But the permanence of the situation becomes much more real each year…another birthday….another Christmas. It just can’t be true that the rest of our lives are going to be like this – without Davey.  I don’t want it to be true.

For me, this is the part that is so different from when my father, mother and older brothers died.  They were all older than me, so I expected there would be a time when I would be here on earth without them.

That isn’t true about Davey.  He was supposed to be here while his dad and I grew old, making jokes about our move into a 55+ community.  He was supposed to retire from being a cop and become a high school teacher and basketball coach.  He was supposed to coach his children’s baseball, softball, flag football and basketball teams.  He was supposed to keep tailgating and being the life of the party.  He was supposed to be here to celebrate his children’s graduations and weddings….and his grandchildren.

It still doesn’t seem possible that he won’t be doing any of that.

It still doesn’t seem possible that we will have to do all of that without him.

Thank you, God, for giving us the strength and the comfort and the hope we need to move forward while bringing Davey with us.

But our daily reality remains- the hole where Davey should be in our lives is very big ….. and it’s getting bigger.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you💙💙

It’s growing……

Your heart.

My heart.

When we take this ‘love you’ idea seriously – remembering to say ‘Love you’ and remembering to show love to other people- it makes our hearts grow bigger.

It opens up our hearts in new ways to new people.

New understandings.  New opportunities to love.

Can you feel it?

I feel it. I know my heart has a lot more blue in it now.  My Blue Family has helped my heart grow as they have shown so much love and care for my family and I these last 9 1/2 years. So many people, so many tears, so many hugs.  So many new Blue Family members who will never leave my heart.

As my heart grows, I also feel more compassion for people – especially people who have gone through a tragedy like our’s.  Every report of a fallen officer tugs at my heart as I think about their family and friends struggling through the dark days, roller coaster months, and painful years that we’ve gone through.  The grief that we still deal with.

Add our blue tragedies to all of the bad things happening to other people right around us and the pain piles very high and very deep.  Our love needs to pile on even higher and deeper.

There are so many different ways of showing love.

It’s very obvious that many people in our culture today don’t realize how much love and care Police Officers show them everyday.  Davey told me several times that he didn’t want to spend his time catching regular citizens who made a simple mistake.  He wanted to get the mean and evil people off of the streets and into jail.  The monsters who murder the innocent.  The losers who sell drugs to make themselves a lot of money while creating mayhem in our neighborhoods.  The evil ones whose only thoughts are for themselves and how to take from others.

My brothers and sisters who wear the blue uniform – you show your love every minute of every shift as you clean up the filth on our streets, helping to make our communities safer for the rest of us.  And you continue to show your love off duty with helping others and always being part of the solution.  That’s just how you are.

The Thin Blue Line has a very special love for others defined by service and honor.

We need more of that in our world.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you!