The question is not ‘if’ something bad is going to happen to us.

The right question is ‘when’.

Because something bad is going to happen sometime in our future.

Failure, separation, broken relationships.

Disease, accidents, illness, pain, death.

It’s going to happen.  And most of the time it will happen when we least expect it.  I was on my normal commute home from work on May 18, 2016 when I got the call that my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, had been shot. Davey died that night. One day he was here and everything was normal. By the next day he was gone and my entire world had crumbled into ashes.

A very close friend of mine received a huge shock the year after Davey was killed when her beautiful daughter-in-law didn’t wake up one morning.  33 years-old.  And she didn’t wake up.

She was fine the day before.

She left behind a husband, a 3 year-old son, and a large number of family and friends who never expected something like this to happen. There was no warning.

You probably have your own stories like this.

It’s not ‘if’, the question is ‘when.

So do we live our lives with a cloud of worry and fear over our heads just waiting for the next ax to fall?

Or do we ignore the inevitable and deal with it when it happens?

Neither of those sounds like good option to me.  The tragedy that blew my life apart is not going to cause me to spend the rest of my life focused on dreading the next bad thing.  But I’m also not going to pretend that there are no more hard times coming.

I have chosen to try to find a balance somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.  I am continuing to work on growing my faith – getting closer to God.  I’m growing my understanding of grief. Since I’ve been thrown into this unthinkable situation of losing a child, I am figuring out a way to successfully navigate this painful journey. Since Davey’s death, I have learned how to be resilient in the face of adversity by creating a process I use when bad things happen. Because they are going to happen.

I tend to lean more in the positive direction than the negative – life is more good than bad.  I like to focus on good things – they make the struggle all worth it. Maintaining a positive perspective really helps.

Having a close relationship with God really helps. He has been my constant Rock and my Comforter these last 10 years. I would still be living in a crumbled, bitter and angry world without him.

And I have learned a lot about love since Davey was killed. When we show love to those around us – even when we don’t know them – it really does matter.  Each expression of love, every hand that reaches out, any show of kindness and love – it all matters.

Davey knew that flying across the country to celebrate his step-grandfather’s 90th birthday and putting his arm around Merle so I could take a picture mattered – especially when 90 was the last birthday his step-grandfather celebrated.

It’s all worth the effort. When we love each other, we’re on the right track.

Because it’s not a question of ‘if’.

The right question is ‘when’.

And, as we love each other, it makes ‘when’ better. It makes it possible to smile again. Love helps us move forward into a positive future.

All of you have proven this over and over to me this last 10 years. Thank you.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.