The struggle is very real.  It’s not the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ for many of us.

I never gave much thought about how difficult Christmas can be for some people…..until 2 years ago.

David Glasser, my son who was a Phoenix police officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  And nothing will ever be the same.

Christmas is now a bitter-sweet time for me and my family.  The hole that Davey left in our lives is big and it is growing bigger as the years and the things he has missed add up.  He had such a huge and fun personality that his loss has created craters of pain in my heart.  This causes my emotions to go up and down without any notice of impending tears.  I was not normally an emotional person before Davey’s death but now I am resigned to the fact that, especially during this Christmas season, I rarely get through a day without at least a sheen of tears in my eyes from something that reminds me of what we have lost.  Other situations bring much more tears as different aspects of Christmas prick the broken pieces of my heart.

Then there are days when the joy of memories of Davey during Christmas flood my life and I am so grateful for the 34 1/2 years we had him here.  I am reminded of the young boy who loved Christmas who grew up to be a young man who still loved all the fun of Christmas.  His last couple of Christmases were filled with parties and special times with his young children.  Of course he was asked to host his squad’s Christmas party – he was the party person with a party house.

It makes me smile to remember the many, many great Christmases we had with Davey.

And then tears roll down my face with the knowledge that there will be no more.

I think Christmas is an especially hard time because we are all expected to be happy.  We’re supposed to be looking forward to the jolly times we will have during the Christmas season.  I am.  But I am also very aware that a very special person who filled my life with love and smiles will not be here this Christmas….or ever again.

And I now understand that it is not all fun for a lot of us during Christmas.  I have become more sensitive to the pain in my family, friends and neighbors eyes who are experiencing grief and loss this Christmas.  Our smiles are a little more forced and tempered by a cloud of remembering better times.  Before.

All of this can add up to Christmas being one of the most difficult times of the year.for many of us.

That’s sad, isn’t it.  What can we do about it?

We can live up to Davey’s legacy and love each other well – especially during this time of year.

Miss you, Davey

#8144loveyou