Author: Judy Glasser

Life is a journey. Sometimes I'm coasting downhill and, other times, its a tough road uphill. My journey has been straight uphill since May 19, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer was killed in the line of duty. When my life and dreams blew apart, I only had one option - to hold on tightly to my Rock, my Father God. I have a new understanding of just how short life is and how important it is to take loving each other seriously. God is love and all love comes from him. I have seen love do supernatural things since my son was killed. I have published a book, "Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love." about my tough and painful journey since my son was killed. You can order it from Amazon or you can get an autographed copy by contacting me on messenger. I am sharing some of my experiences as a survivor of a line of duty death in MYFAMILYBLEEDSBLUE.COM. Please feel free to share these blogs with anyone you know who might find them helpful. My other blog - JOURNEYTOWARDSTHETRUTH.COM - has been a work of love for many years as I read through the Chronological Daily Bible each year and share what I hear from God when he stops me. I am inviting you to come along on one or both of my journeys. Please share as often as you'd like. Thanks so much for reading!

What’s Happening?

“Something is going on.”

“I’m not sure where this is going to end up, but let me tell you what’s happening.”

“Things just seem to be falling into place…”

About every week for several months after my son, David Glasser who was a Phoenix Police Officer was killed on May 18, 2016, someone who knew him well would tell me that something unusual was happening in their life. You know who you are. Most of you didn’t know about the others. You just knew something unexpected and good was happening to you. But I heard the stories and I knew God was at work.

I could feel the shaking…

I could see the mountain moving…being reshaped…

There was a plan –

His plan.

Its amazing to me that now, over 9 years later, I still see the mountain moving. God continues to orchestrate good things in Davey’s name. He continues to encourage us as we honor Davey’s legacy. God has blessed the David Glasser Foundation in huge ways this last year as we work together to complete some of the work Davey would have done.

It takes team work. As we continue to do what honors Davey’s memory, God is doing his part. Where God is taking us is a big, foggy unknown but it all makes sense to him.

As we keep moving forward, God just keeps showing up – making connections, opening up opportunities, blessing our efforts. There are new team mates this year that I never expected. God is making it clear that he has more surprises up his sleeve.

Together, we are going to accomplish what God has planned.  He is bringing good out of the evil that happened on May 18, 2016.

There are a lot of pieces – none of us know how many.  Do you have a piece?

I love these pictures of Davey and his team a year before he was killed when they did the Tough Mudder.   It was long, it was hard, and there was pain. There was also the joy of team work and the awesome memories of a great accomplishment. Together.  Sounds kind of like the journey we’re on now, doesn’t it?

They persevered.  They worked together.  And they successfully finished the race.

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And that’s what we’re going to do.  Together.

There’s a purpose. There’s a plan. God is busy moving mountains.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

 

 

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Live It Large!

I am not promised tomorrow.  I might not be here. People I care about may not be here.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix police officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. One day he was here. The next he was gone. How quickly that happened has been etched permanently in my brain and in my heart.  I hope his story etches it in your brain and heart as well.

You and I have to make today count.  The best of intentions are really pretty worthless – they are just a waste of time unless we’re going to act on them.

Davey has been described several times as being ‘larger than life’.  I love that!  It means he made the most of his time – loving people, planning fun times and following through on them.  He was also serious about his work and gave his full effort to being great at doing something he loved.  

Davey did more and loved more in 34 years than some people do in a lifetime.

That’s a great statement about Davey but a sad statement about how other people fail to really live their lives. One a scale of 1 to 10, how are you doing on the ‘larger than life’ scale?

If you don’t like your rating, there is no time better than today to start changing it.

The year after Davey died, my husband and I retired. In the next year my husband and I cruised to 10 different countries in 12 months. As we travelled the globe, I couldn’t help thinking back to a couple of months before Davey was killed when Davey and Kristen went on a Caribbean cruise with his squad.  A lot of people would have decided not to go because they would be leaving their 2 small children for a week. Not Davey and Kristen.  They knew their time together and with friends was important and they also knew the kids were fine with Papa and Mimi. (that’s us).

My husband and I had an awesome week having fun with the ‘littles’.  It had been 30 years since our kids were that small so our energy level was a lot different but they went to bed early, so we made it!  

None of us could possibly know how precious that week would become.  Sooooo glad they went!  So much fun!  So many unforgettable memories!

Such a great lesson about making each week count.  Let’s not put off the fun stuff and the great memory stuff – let’s do it today.  The person we want to do it with may not be here tomorrow.

Miss you, Davey!

Love you

 

 

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My Nightmare

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It happened again this week. While talking with someone I just met, the subject came up and I said my son had been killed over 9 years ago.  Nine years.

Sometimes the pain feels like yesterday.  It’s very hard.  And saying it makes it more real. I still can’t believe I have to live the rest of my life here on earth without him. That doesn’t seem possible.

For weeks after Davey’s death, I would wake up every morning hoping that it was all just a bad dream.

Praying that it was all a nightmare that I could wake up from.

Every morning I would open my eyes and look around my bedroom – hoping I wouldn’t see the frame on my dresser which holds the last Mother’s Day card I’ll ever get from Davey.  The one he signed “I love you”.

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Every morning I would hope I wouldn’t see his memorial picture that hung in my kitchen.  He had such a great smile.

As I looked around, I was hoping that I wouldn’t see the blue line flag I painted when a bunch of us got together to try to start healing our broken hearts. Together, we are stronger.

But I saw the card and the picture and the flag everyday.

Because it wasn’t just a very bad dream.  The worst happened.

The nightmare is real.

It’s 9 years later and I know the nightmare is still very real to a whole group of us who knew Davey well and loved him.  I can see it in your eyes. Our hearts are broken.  There’s a big gaping hole in our lives.  We can’t go back to our old lives because Davey is not there.  It’s like a dimmer switch has been turned down on the light and laughter and joy in our world.

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I don’t know how people can deal with tragedy like this without faith in God. I believe that, because he had put his faith in Jesus, Davey is in heaven with his Father God.  With my Father God.  He’s there with my mother, father, stepfather,  all three of my brothers and many more of my family and friends who have gone home before me.  I believe that God is in the process of bringing good out of the evil that was done.  I believe that I’ve been left behind because God has a part for me in his plan.

One night not long after he was killed, Davey walked into my dream.  I was sitting at the table with my daughter-in-law and my little granddaughter.  It felt like a regular ‘time to color’ or ‘let’s eat’.  Then Davey walked in and sat down, crossing his long legs like he always did.  He gave us a big smile.  He didn’t say anything.  He just smiled at all of us.

I looked at my daughter-in-law and blinked.

Maybe everything else really was all just a dream!!

It felt so real.  The explosion of hope in my heart was so strong that it woke me up.

And the nightmare was back. There are times that I just want to live in that dream.

But Davey’s big smile stays with me.  He’s happy.  He is in a place with no sadness, pain or nightmares. The battle between good and evil that he committed his adult life to here on earth is over for him.  Where he is, the good guys have won.  Davey has won.

On the day that is already determined for me, I will see him again.  It will not be a dream, it will be my new, eternal reality.

What about you?

I know he would like to see you again, too.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

I Catch A Glimpse

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Davey’s squad did an awesome job of turning his locker into a beautiful memorial to their fallen team member and brother friend. I recently talked with a police officer from Davey’s old precinct and his locker is right next to Davey’s so he sees it every day.

Fallen but never Forgotten.

A couple of months after Davey was killed in the line of duty, we were invited to go see his locker. As we stood in the men’s locker room at the precinct, it took me a little while to realize I was looking around, over the heads of everyone else.

I was looking for Davey.

In the sea of the blue, it was an automatic reaction.

And then,

I remembered…..

I wasn’t going to see him here today. I wasn’t going to see him again on this earth – ever.

These types of events are bitter-sweet.  It’s great to get together to honor Davey and the sacrifice he made in order to protect and defend others. These times also shine a spotlight on the big hole that has been left in our lives.

When I saw his Cardinals hat on the top shelf of his locker, I caught a quick glimpse of him wearing that hat and smiling at me with eyes that look so much like mine.

I love catching glimpses of him.

There have been times during this last 9 years since Davey was killed that I would be sitting next to my grandson and, out of the corner of my eye, I would see a young Davey sitting next to me.

When I look over, it’s obviously not Davey.  It’s his son, Micah. So much like his father.

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Micah 6:8, “He has shown you, O man, what is good, and what does the LORD require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Justice and mercy and humbleness before God is stamped on his heart and soul.

His long legs spread out in odd directions when he’s getting comfortable. Such a bright smile! Intelligent and kind eyes.

That big head full of ideas and questions and plans. Taller than everyone else he hangs out with so his head is always easy to find in a crowd. Always gentle with his sister. He is patient with her when her when she shows her ‘strong will’ and doesn’t want to have fun.

He needs to know the rules and follow the rules.  He doesn’t want to get into trouble.  But he will question the rules.  They have to make sense to him.

He loves sports……all of them.

And he knows A LOT more about sports than most kids his age.

He loves his family. They are extremely important to him. And he loves his friends.  It’s not hard to become his friend…..his heart is always open for another one.

He loves to go…. and do… and have fun.

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He’s an obvious extrovert who loves people. And he loves God.  He knows a lot of the Bible stories – one of his favorites is David and Goliath.

Am I talking about Davey or Micah?

You guessed it – I’m talking about both of them.

Don’t get me wrong – Micah’s personality is also packed with awesome things that are uniquely Micah.  I’m very interested to see how all of these great qualities roll up into the amazing young man he is destined to be.

Meanwhile, I will treasure these  ‘glimpses’ of Davey…..

until I go ‘home’ and see the real thing again.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

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It’s Really May 18th

My son, David Glasser’s, official End of Watch is May 19, 2016. But the real date he left this earth is May 18.

You would know that as well if you had seen him. His body was hooked up to all kinds of machines that were keeping his lungs moving and his heart beating.

But Davey – the fun, smart, wonderful son, husband, dad, brother and friend  – was already gone. He was already with his Father God.

It’s been over 9 years since Davey was killed and I’m still very thankful for all of the support we received that night and ever since then.

I am thankful to modern medicine which gave us time the night he was shot to start coming to terms to our new reality.  We had several hours to figure out how to start to say good-bye.  It helped.

I am thankful that the machines were able to keep his organs alive so that he could give the gift of life to so many other people.  Our families have been blessed by other organ donors so we know what an important thing this is.  Knowing that helped.

I am thankful for the doctors and nurses who treated Davey with care and respect.  They also were very helpful and understanding to those of us who spent the darkest hours of that night in a room next to Davey in unbelief of what was happening.  It helped.

I am thankful for the rooms full of police officers and friends at the hospital who prayed for us and supported us through those awful hours.  It helped.

I am thankful for the family and friends all over the country who prayed for us through that night.   I am thankful for all of the people who didn’t even know us and they prayed for us.  It helped.

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I am thankful for Dave’s squad who, disregarding their own pain, had the worst job of making telephone calls and getting us to the hospital.   I am also  thankful for the Employee Assistance Unit led by Sgt. Dave Osborne.   Both of these teams promised support and they meant it.   It really helped.

I am thankful for the entire Phoenix Police Department who supported us that night any way they possibly could.   They parked our cars so we could run right into the hospital, they brought food, they picked up family at the airport, they took care of the press, they drove us home, they never left their watch on Dave’s room and much more.  It all helped.

I am thankful for Pastor Mark Grochoki from our church, Palm Valley, who somehow found a way through the crowds and lines of police to pray for us in a small, dark corner of the hospital lobby.  It was an oasis of peace in a very long, terrible night.  It helped.

I am thankful for the Police Chaplain, Bob Fesmire, who is so clearly called by God to walk families like ours through the most painful hours of our lives. Your words of wisdom cut through the shock and helped us move forward.  You prayed for us through the night when we had no words.  I will never forget your prayer as we said our last goodbyes before leaving the hospital.  I don’t recall the exact words of your prayer but I remember God reaching out through them to wrap his arms around me to comfort me.  You were Jesus with skin on that night, my brother.  You really helped.

I am thankful for the Concerns of Police Survivors (COPS) organization which continues to support us and care for us. I appreciate all the memorials where it is very clear that Davey’s service and sacrifice will never be forgotten. I am thankful for the large number of people who faithfully support the David Glasser Foundation and it’s efforts to continue Davey’s legacy of loving people in his city.

 May 18th, 2016 was Davey’s last day on this planet.  Now he lives in our hearts and our memories until we see him again in heaven.

I’m not saying that we need to change the date on all the plaques and forms.

I just wanted you to know……..

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

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The Dave Glasser #8144 ‘Love You’ Campaign

If Dave were here, he’d be saying it to you, right,  James Byrd?

Byrd told all of us at the funeral about Dave saying ‘Love you’ to his brothers in blue in his squad before he left for his shift.  And he expected them to say it, too.  At first, it felt a little awkward for all the guys loaded down with guns and weapons to be saying ‘Love you’ to each other but Dave insisted.  Because you never know if you’re going to get another chance to say it.

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Turns out, he was so right.  Too right.

We all know Davey loved us.  He told us all the time – its his legacy.  And he showed it with his ready smile, loyalty, how he included everyone in his love of having fun and a million other different ways.

Since Davey’s death, many of us have gotten good at telling each other ‘Love you’ when we’re leaving.  Because nobody knows better than we do just how easy it is for us not to have another chance to say it. And it has added some extra love to our relationships.  It has added a new depth to how important we are to each other.  It has added a clear understanding of how we are all sharing his loss together.

That’s how the Dave Glasser #8144 “Love You’ Campaign got started. A couple of months after Davey was killed in the line of duty, I realized that the ‘love you’ habit was spreading and was becoming Davey’s legacy. So I made it official by creating a Facebook page dedicated to spreading love and awareness on social media. The page if full of posts encouraging police officers and helping grow awareness of how awesome they are to others don’t know it. It also reminds us that life is short and we need to let people around us know that we love them.

Would the people in your life benefit from hearing you tell them you love them more often?

Could the world around you use a little more love?

Are people around you in a stressed-out rush? Are they angry? Lonely? Empty?

What are some things – big and small – that you could do to show some love to someone else?  You might know these people, you might not.  Love can take many forms – it can be a little more patience with them or some more forgiveness and understanding.  Love can look like giving people space to get on the freeway.  Or parking in a spot at the far end of the parking lot so others can take the close spots.  Sometimes just a smile can show acceptance and love to someone.  And never forget small gifts of chocolate 🙂

Is there someone you need to start saying ‘love you’ to more often?  Believe me, you never know if you’ll ever get another chance.

Maybe there are a bunch of people you need to start saying ‘love you’ to. Who are they? Why don’t you start right now? It might surprise them and it will be a nice surprise.

There are now over 1.6K people in the Dave Glasser #8144 Love you Campaign group. You are welcome to join us and keep the ‘love you’s’ going.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

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I Hate Sirens

The sound of sirens makes my stomach churn.

It means members of my Blue Family are rushing to take care of business.  They are putting themselves at risk – not knowing what they are walking into.

Sirens are a signal that all is not well in my world.

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Sirens in the middle of the night are the worst.  When its pitch black and the darkness is heaviest, people with mayhem in their souls like to crawl out to do their evil deeds.

And so I pray.

I pray for my brothers and sisters in Blue.  I ask my Father God for wisdom for them.  I ask for courage.  I ask for protection.  And I ask that justice will be served so some of the evil and danger in my community will be taken away.

Sometimes these sirens are firefighters speeding through the streets with their sirens and lights.  Often, these first responders are partnering with our Blue family in order to bring order to chaos and help people who are hurt.  I know some excellent firefighters – and I pray for them, too, as the sirens wail across the night.

All the while, my stomach churns.  And I pray.

You, my dear brothers and sisters in Blue, are a very unusual breed of people.   You race through the night, in a hurry to take care of the crimes being committed by hateful people.

You run toward the gunfire.

You step into the middle of messes.  You move forward into the danger and are a human shield for others – even when they don’t like you or respect you.  You deal with the drugged lyers and cheaters of our world every day, all day.

Meanwhile, the sirens scream through the night and my stomach churns.  And I pray, trying to push away the fear.

The fear of what could be happening.

Fear for your wives and husbands.

Fear for your children and your babies.

Fear for your fathers and your mothers.

Fear for your families and friends.

Because I know the danger that accompanies those sirens.

I know what can happen.

The phone call.

The trip to the hospital.

The doctor’s unbelievable words.

And the nightmare.

So I pray.

 

 

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We Struggle…Together

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I have been struggling with the grief of losing my son for over 9 years. These last couple of years I have gotten a new understanding of just how many of you are also struggling with grief and loss. You are travelling with me on this very tough journey of surviving the death of a child or someone we were very close to.

Two years ago, I published a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love.” This is the story of my son, David Glasser’s, death in the line of duty, his life and my search for hope as I figured out how to move forward after my life exploded.

Since publishing the book, I have received many messages from people who have read my story and they tell me how it helped them with their own struggle. These messages have come from all kinds of people, not just those who lost a child. I have heard from sisters, wives, brothers, husbands, children and everyone else out there who has been grieving the death of someone who left a big hole in their lives. I have heard from people who are experiencing grief over divorces. I have heard from people who are not struggling themselves with grief right now but reading the book has helped them understand family and friends who are.

It has opened my eyes to how many grieving people there are in my world who are dealing with these tough, painful emotions.

“Your book changed my life.” one of my neighbors told me when I saw her at our shared mailbox. “I was stuck in a deep, dark pit after losing my best friend and now I have started to move forward and enjoy my life again. I’m sending the book to a friend who really needs it.”

“God spoke to me through your story and it changed everything” another friend told me as she sat down next to me at Bingo. Her husband died the year before and she couldn’t get past some of the ‘What if’s’ of the situation until she spent some time studying Job 14:5. “A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.”

“The truth in your book helped me answer some questions I had that made me get stuck in anger and bitterness, ” a sister of a fallen officer wrote. “Now I feel motivated to move forward and honor my brother’s life.”

“Your book helped me process my daughter’s death from over 20 years ago in a new way” said another friend. “I have a much more positive perspective now.”

It’s two years later and I still hear these comments.

What a blessing! I am extremely happy that sharing my story is helping other’s deal with their own broken hearts in a positive way. It gives purpose to my pain.

This is what I believe is happening – in the book I shared the truth that God has taught me about life and death and how different his perspective is from your’s and mine. I also shared some ideas of how you can apply some of the things I learned to your situation.

When our lives are anchored on God’s truth, he can make all the difference.

One of my favorite comments is when people tell me they sent the book to a friend or family member. That is perfect! You are the people who know people who would benefit from reading this book. A lot of you are doing this!

Keep it up! I love it! It’s something positive we can do when we find ourselves in a “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say.” situation.

Meanwhile, we continue the struggle – together.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

Still Crumbling

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I am still losing Davey.

More pieces of my heart keep breaking.

This is the part of losing a child that only those who have experienced it understand. Parents who have lost a child don’t ‘get through’ the funeral and then start to ‘heal’. None of those words apply to this situation. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police officer who was killed in the line of duty 9 years ago so I know what I’m talking about.

Our dreams of our life with our child keep being ripped away. I have discovered that this doesn’t happen all at one time when we find out they have died. We experience this ‘losing’ again and again, over and over, no matter how long ago they left us. They should be here with us right now.

Our Christmas celebrations have painful holes in them. Mine is a 6’5″ hole. Every new Christmas memory feels a little empty. Mother’s Day is bittersweet. Davey’s birthday is a mixture of great memories and an aching heart that’s missing him. Davey’s children’s birthdays are another fun but sad event. There is a proud dad who is not there.

Every family picture is missing someone. I think about this when I see other people’s family pictures and a comment like this is made – “We’re missing Jack and Susan in this picture because they were unable to come to the wedding.” For the last 9 years, I have thought about putting a comment like that on our family pictures because Davey is always missing.

As parents who have lost a child, all of our plans for growing older included hugs, smiles and new memories with our child who is no longer here. Our dreams for the future keep crumbling around us as, each year, we lose more and more pieces of what we expected our lives to look like.

There are times when I just can’t believe I have to live the rest of my life on this planet without Davey. Some days there are moments when his loss feels painfully fresh. I try not to think about living 15-20 more years with this growing hole in my life where Davey should be. That’s a long time to be here without him.

I try to focus on all the blessings in my life now and all the great memories I have with Davey. But there are days that the losses pile up and it’s too much to ignore.

Days like today.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

We Lost a Hero

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We lost a hero 9 years ago.

My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer was shot and killed in Laveen, Arizona on May 18, 2016 during a burglary attempt. This might confuse you because his official End of Watch is May 19th. But, if you had seen him in his hospital bed on May 18th, you would know like I do that the people-loving, respectful, funny, loyal-to-a-fault man that was Davey was already gone.

Davey had been a Phoenix Police Officer for 12 years and helping people was an integral part of who he was. He told me he liked the fact that he could take dangerous people off the streets of Phoenix, making it a safer and better place to live and raise our families.

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Davey loved his family and friends and was well-known for talking about his faith in God. He was also a sports fanatic. The Arizona Cardinals, Diamondbacks and all ASU sports were his favorites.

Davey’s love for people attracted people to him. Because of who he was, he had a lot of friends from all over the metropolitan Phoenix area.

When we lost Davey, the whole city grieved.

As his family and friends, we knew he didn’t say good-bye, he said, ‘love you’. At his funeral, his best friend on his squad, Byrd, shared that Davey had his squad of tough cops all saying ‘love you’ to each other before they left the precinct. His squad said that it felt odd at first but became very important to them after Davey was killed

As a result of Davey’s habit, the last words anybody he cared about heard him say were ‘love you’. This created a legacy of love after he was gone – changing many people’s relationships and lives. If you would like to know more about this story, check out my book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love”

Davey’s love for people and his city fueled the need for his family and friends to continue the work he started. The David Glasser Foundation was created to provide opportunities for law enforcement officers to have positive interactions with the kids and families they serve through youth sports. The foundation also sponsors a yearly Shop with a Cop event which helps kids and families in need from Laveen.

The David Glasser Foundation has been successfully completing its mission in Phoenix for over 8 years, continuing to make a difference with the people David protected and served.

Davey’s legacy of love is continuing to grow and positively affect people’s lives as more and more people hear his story. Today and everyday, please take the time to say ‘love you’ to everyone you care about instead of good-bye. None of us know when that will be the last thing we get to say it to that person.

I didn’t know when it was the last time I would be able to say it to Davey – now I’m so glad I said it. His ‘love you’ echoes back to me in my memory and makes me smile.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you!