The Moment

I remember the moment I realized that everything in my world had changed. All of the horrible things that had happened to me in the last 15 hours connected in my brain for the first time and I knew that my life as I knew it was gone – blown up – smashed.

Nothing would ever be the same.

It was the moment when I was holding my son, David Glasser’s hand in his hospital room early in the morning after he had been shot the day before in the line of duty as a Phoenix Police Officer. The doctors had just announced their final report.

Davey was officially gone. A machine was still making his lungs breath and drugs were making his heart beat so that he could fulfill his wish of being an organ donor.

But the Davey I had loved and cherished from before he was ever born was not in this ravaged body laying in this hospital bed any longer.

I wanted to crawl in a corner and never leave. I didn’t want to know what a world without without Davey felt like. I didn’t want to face the avalanche of pain and loss that had already started to come crashing down on me and my family.

I didn’t want to.

I told God I didn’t want to.

I remember feeling a torrent of tears dripping down off of my face, soaking the front of my shirt. And I didn’t care. It was all too devastating.

Then, as Police Chaplain Bob Fesmire prayed over all of us standing around Davey’s hospital bed that morning, I felt God’s strong arms of love wrap around me. My Abba Father reminded me that, even though Davey was gone, God is always with me and he was going to walk down this very dark road right beside me, all the way to the end. He reminded me that he had always been beside me during all the tough times in my life – loving me and comforting me. He promised me that he was going to do that again.

And I knew he would. He had done it before, he would do it again.

And he has. God has been my Rock and my shelter as this hurricane of pain and loss decimated my life. He has given me strength and confidence as I have watched him put my life back together – piece by piece – making a much different picture than before Davey died. God has given me hope as he reminds me I have been left behind because he has a purpose for me here.

As I remember that moment in the hospital, I am thankful for how faithful God has been in my life these last almost 9 years.

And I know he’ll be walking closely next to me the rest of this journey, until I see Davey again in our forever home.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

___________________

If you would like to know more of this story, I have published a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love”

On July 9, 2023January 26, 2025 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

It’s A Struggle

On June 11, 2023 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens3 Comments

I have been struggling with the grief of losing my son for over 7 years. Recently, I have gotten a new understanding of just how many of you are also struggling with grief and loss. You are travelling with me on this very tough journey of surviving the death of someone we were very close to.

In February I published a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love.” This is the story of my son, David Glasser’s, death in the line of duty, his life and my search for hope as I figured out how to move forward after my life exploded.

Since publishing the book, I have received many messages from people who have read my story and they tell me how it helped them with their own struggle. These messages have come from all kinds of people, not just those who lost a child. I have heard from sisters, wives, brothers, husbands, children and everyone else out there who has been grieving the death of someone who left a big hole in their lives. I have heard from people who are experiencing grief over divorces. I have heard from people who are not struggling themselves with grief right now but reading the book has helped them understand family and friends who are.

It has opened my eyes to how many grieving people there are in my world who are dealing with these tough, painful emotions.

“Your book changed my life.” one of my neighbors told me when I saw her at our shared mailbox. “I was stuck in a deep, dark pit after losing my best friend and now I have started to move forward and enjoy my life again. I’m sending the book to a friend who really needs it.”

“God spoke to me through your story and it changed everything” another friend told me as she sat down next to me at Bingo. Her husband died last year and she couldn’t get past some of the ‘What if’s’ of the situation until she spent some time studying Job 14:5. “A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.”

” The truth in your book helped me answer some questions I had that made me get stuck in anger and bitterness, ” a sister of a fallen officer wrote. “Now I feel motivated to move forward and honor my brother’s life.”

” Your book helped me process my daughter’s death from over 20 years ago in a new way” said another friend. “I have a much more positive perspective now.”

And the comments, texts and emails continue to flow in.

What a blessing! I am extremely happy that sharing my story is helping other’s deal with their own broken hearts in a positive way. It gives purpose to my pain.

This is what I believe is happening – in the book I shared the truth that God has taught me about life and death and how different his perspective is from your’s and mine. I also told you my story which gave you ideas of how you can apply this truth to your situation.

When our lives are anchored on God’s truth, he can make all the difference.

One of my favorite comments is when people tell me they sent the book to a friend or family member. You are the people who know people who would benefit from reading this book. A lot of you are doing this!

Keep it up! I love it! It’s something positive we can do when we find ourselves in a “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say.” situation.

Meanwhile, we all continue the struggle – together.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

When The Answer is ‘No”

This is a tough one. It took me awhile to come to ‘a good place’ on this topic. It took me even longer to be willing to share it.

God could have saved my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. God is everywhere and he knows everything and he can do anything.

Nothing is impossible for him.

So, no matter what any doctor said, God could have saved Davey.

That night in the hospital, my husband and I walked up and down the hall outside of Davey’s room praying for a miracle and asking everyone we saw to pray for a miracle. It was our only hope.

When Davey’s brain waves disappeared early the next morning, we understood that we were not going to get that miracle. Too much, too hard. Our lives blown apart. Overwhelming grief and pain. Such a sudden, big, sad hole in our lives.

I wanted to ask why but I already understood that the answer was not to ask “why’ but to trust God. I already knew the historical account of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who role-modelled this thousands of years ago. Right before King Nebuchadnezzar was about to throw them into a blazing furnace because they would not worship him, the three men testified to the king and the watching crowd that their God was able to save them. “But even if he does not, ” they stated, they weren’t going to worship the king. They trusted God to either save them or let them die – whichever accomplished God’s purposes here on earth.

They were declaring that – even if God did not give them a miracle – they were going to trust him. In their story, they received a miracle and walked out of the blaze without a scratch on them.

That’s not my story. We did not get a miracle. I published a book last year on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love” that tells much more of this story if you’re interested.

I will never totally understand the purpose of this terrible tragedy this side of heaven. But I will trust God and move forward in obedience until the day he calls me home.

Jesus told all of us that in this world we will have many trials and sorrows….and this one is at the top of my list. I have realized that I never understood what real sorrow was until I lost my son.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you

On May 21, 2023May 17, 2024 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens6 Comments

Dream Snatcher

On May 14, 2023 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

I would love to post a feel-good blog for today since its Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, the truth is that this day does not feel all that good for Mothers who have lost children.

It’s been almost 7 years since my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer was killed in the line of duty. We have great memories of our lives with him. We laughed, we played and we travelled. We watched Davey play a lot of sports and we went to many games of all kinds in all different cities with him.

So many memories that bring big smiles to our faces.

But all of our dreams for the future with Davey have been snatched away.

Dreams of Davey coaching his son and daughter in baseball, basketball, volleyball and every other sport there is.

Dreams of Davey retiring from the police force and going on to serve his community in other ways.

Dreams of Davey and his, wife, Kristen, growing old together. They were married young so we talked about them the possibility of them celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary.

Dreams of Davey and his son, Micah, playing a mean game of one-on-one basketball as Micah grew taller and taller, eventually passing up Davey. I know that was Davey’s dream when he built a basketball court in his back yard.

Dreams of Davey walking his beautiful daughter, Eden, down the aisle.

It’s 7 years later and one of the hardest parts of surviving this tough, tough, journey is all of the dreams that have been snatched away.

All of the great times and fun with Davey that will never be.

We are so grateful for all of the awesome memories we have.

But will be no more new memories with him.

That’s a very painful reality to deal with.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

_________________________________________________

If you are interested in reading more about my story, I recently published a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love”. This book is about Davey’s death, life and my journey of finding hope after losing a child.

It’s Growing Again

I feel the sadness gradually growing in my heart. I try to ignore the mound of dread that is starting to form deep in my soul.

It’s May.

The empty place in my life begins to blot out the sunshine. This emptiness has a name – Davey. My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

Today is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. How appropriate. Unfortunately, those of us who have lost a child have a lot in common as we learn how to live with a broken heart. If you are feeling alone in your grief, please read my book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love.” It’s the story of Davey’s death and life and my journey of finding hope after losing a child. You are not alone.

My May used to be all about having fun on Mother’s Day but now my Mother’s Day is bittersweet. My May also used to be focused on celebrating another successful year of marriage with my husband on May 23 but now that date is a reminder to be thankful that our marriage survived all the trials and heartache we have gone through together these last 7 years.

Since 2016, May has had dark cloud hanging over it – Davey’s End of Watch Anniversary.

It’s been 7 very long years.

Seven years of a level of grief I didn’t know was possible.

Seven years of a growing hole in my life that is impossible to fill.

Seven years of remembering and missing Davey – an awesome man, son, husband, father, friend and Police Officer.

Seven years of dealing with the painful reality of all that has been lost.

Seven years of figuring out how to move forward, honoring Davey’s sacrifice and his legacy.

Seven years of rebuilding dreams in the void where Davey was supposed to be.

Seven years without his smile.

Seven years of counting on God to get me through another day without Davey.

Seven years of visiting Davey’s spot in the cemetery where he is surrounded by other thin blue line heroes. We used to visit Davey’s spot every May 19th but we have moved to Denver so we now stop in every time we’re in town.

If you have been following my blog, you know we planted a tree next to Davey’s spot right after his funeral. The first tree died. It was just another disappointment in a long list of disappointments. The good news is that the second tree is healthy and growing. Its strong and starting to provide much needed shade.

The closer we get to May 18, the more I wish we could just skip the whole month. Since that’s not possible, we will spend May 18th doing something that Davey liked to do – like playing cornhole. We have found in the past that this helps us get through a tough anniversary. It brings back some of our great memories of good times with Davey.

I know many of you will be visiting Davey’s spot on May 18th or 19th to honor and remember him – thank you.

I’m so grateful we have 34 1/2 years of great memories with Davey.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you

On May 7, 2023 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

It’s not all Flowers and Smiles

Tomorrow is the 1st day of May and May is a tough month for me. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty in May 2016. His official End of Watch is May 19 but, if you’ve read my blogs you know I often use May 18th as the day he was killed because he was gone by the time I saw him in the hospital. Machines kept his body functioning until the next day so we could say goodbye and he could fulfill his wish of being an organ donor. But the awesome son, husband, father, brother and friend that we all knew was not in that hospital bed.

May starts out with Mother’s Day. Bitter sweet. I am so grateful for having 34 years with Davey, I am so thankful for our daughter and her family here in Denver and I am hugely blessed to have 4 adorable grand darlings. But Mother’s Day is not all flowers and smiles for any mother who has lost a child. The hole in our lives is bigger on Mother’s Day.

And, of course, May 15th is National Peace Officers Memorial Day. So 4 days before Davey’s official E.O.W our whole Blue Family is remembering and honoring all of our fallen heroes. Too many men and women have died serving their communities. Too many families are going through the nightmare we are going through. Too many lives blown apart.

May 15th is part of Police Week in Washington, DC. The main events of Police Week are the Candlelight Vigil and the Memorial Service. I have good, but bittersweet memories from 2017 when my family attended the entire week’s conference. Davey’s name is engraved on the Law Enforcement Memorial in Washington, DC. at 38 – W:30. If you haven’t been there, you’ll need to go the next time you are in town.

May 18th will forever be the worst day of my life. We always get together with family on either the 18th or 19th to remember Davey together. There is usually some cornhole involved since Davey loved to play games and have fun.

I’m sure you can start to understand why May is an especially hard month for me.

This year will be a little different because we are planning a book signing in my community on May 15th, for my book , “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love”. It’s the story of Davey’s death, his life and my journey of finding hope after losing a child. We plan to honor Davey as well as all of our fallen heroes on this day.

Big News! Copies of my book are going to be in the store of the National Law Enforcement Museum in Washington, DC! What an honor for Davey and I! For those of you going to Police Week, please look for it and ask for it if you don’t see it.

This May is also going to be very precious to me because my daughter and I are taking off to Rome on May 23 and then getting on a cruise ship to Greece. I’ve been to Italy a couple of times but Greece is still on my bucket list. I have realized that making new special memories is an important part of moving forward after a tragedy.

My tough month of May always ends on a high note with my wedding anniversary with Dave, my husband. Forty-two years this year. It is a light at the end of a dark tunnel of remembering and it gives us something positive to celebrate. It is an accomplishment to be proud of, especially because together we have survived the worst thing that can happen to a parent. Our anniversary reminds us that our marriage has been one of our anchors in the continuing storm of missing Davey.

The main thing that has helped me keep moving forward through the roller coaster of pain and grief that has defined my life these last almost 7 years is getting as close to God as I possibly can. God remains my Rock as he shows me how to survive with a heart that was smashed on May 18, 2016. I spend many hours each week with my Bible open on my lap, listening and talking to God.

The amount of hours I spend with my Father will be going way up in May.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On April 30, 2023 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens8 Comments

It’s Difficult

On April 23, 2023April 23, 2023 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

Being left behind is hard…..

it’s tough.

When someone you love dies, the emotions are strong, the grief is heavy and the loss is extremely painful. After losing my son, my mom and dad, two of my older brothers along with all of my grandparents and all of my aunts and uncles as well as some friends, I feel like I’ve experienced a lot of death.

Each one is different. Each relationship is different.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty almost 7 years ago. His death has been the most difficult for me – by far. I think one of the things that makes this loss so huge is how young he was – he was only 34 years-old. We lost so much of his life. I can’t imagine any death being more difficult that his.

Davey loved God, he loved his family and friends and he loved the city he served and protected. He lived life to its fullest, sharing his faith regularly and he left a legacy of love to those of us who have been left behind.

So I’m very interested when God starts talking about why the righteous die in Isaiah 57:

“No one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.” verse 1.

I believe that everything God says is true. He knows the future and sometimes he chooses to spare his children from bad and evil things that would happen to them if they stayed on earth. I believe that Davey completed his purpose on earth so God took him home. No more evil will be done to him.

God sees our death on earth as a reward because, as believers, we get to go home to be with him. “Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.” vs 2.

Their bodies remain here on earth but their souls are free and filled with joy as they walk hand-in-hand with Jesus into heaven.

Those of us here on earth who have put our faith in Jesus will experience this joy as well someday. Today we may be travelling down a very difficult road but we have hope because we know how our journey on earth ends.

Thank you for the truth in your word, Abba Father. Please comfort those of us who are left behind.

The Heart of a Hero

On April 16, 2023 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

Heroes recognize each other.

They sense it when they have read about or met another person who has the same level of commitment to the greater good as they do. These heroes are willing to put themselves at risk in order to help or protect others.

Of course, none of them would call themselves heroes.

But we do.

Because looking at their lives, we see something special. We see a level of love and courage and sacrifice in their lives that we just don’t see in our own lives.

My son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016, loved Pat Tillman’s Honor Run. Each year he signed up for next year’s run as soon as this year’s run was over. He recruited groups of friends and family every year to run beside him. And as soon as Micah, his son, was old enough Micah was running in the kid’s run – with Davey right beside him.

Now I realize Davey loved to honor the memory of Pat Tillman because Davey also had the heart of hero beating inside of him.

He shared Pat’s burning need to be more, and give more

and protect more.

Davey recognized these things in Pat’s life because he had the same passions inside of him.

Crowds of people with #42 on their shirts were running on the streets of Tempe, Arizona yesterday, remembering and honoring a fallen hero. These crowds remind me of my own fallen blue line hero.

As a soldier, Pat Tillman put himself at risk to serve his country. As a Police Officer, just like all Police Officers, Davey put himself at risk every day to serve the people in his city.

Pat and Davey both lost their lives because of the heart of a hero that beat inside of them.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

_______________

Note: I recently published a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love.” that tells more about Davey’s life, death and my journey of loss.

His Best Life

Disappointments. Pain. Grief. Loss. Heartbreak.

These words describe many of my days since May 18, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, who was Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.

This doesn’t just describe the first year after Davey was killed, or the second year. It’s been every year. The grief changes but its still there. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday I received the phone call telling me Davey had been shot and I needed to go to the hospital. There are still moments where my brain plays tricks on me and I feel like I’m waiting for him to walk in the door with his huge smile on his face, telling me about his next plan to have some fun.

But Davey’s not going to walk in the door.

I know that.

I also know that God, in his infinite wisdom decided that May 18th, 2016 would be Davey’s last day on earth. God’s Word tells me that each of our final days are decided before we are born and nothing is going to change that. This fact has helped me put aside any ‘what ifs’ about May 18th. It was already decided. Everyone did the best they could do. Now, with our love for Davey secure in our hearts and our minds full of great memories, we move forward.

The reality is that Davey is living his best life right now. God took him out of this world full of disappointments and pain. Davey is where each of us who have put our faith in Jesus desire to be.

You know all about the struggles down here on earth – and they are growing for the Law Enforcement community. The Thin Blue Line is under attack from the people who should be supporting them. I remember how bad I thought it was in 2016 but the attacks and disrespect and disregard have gotten infinitely worse.

There are no more struggles for Davey. He got his reward early. This picture is Davey on a cruise with all of his best buddies from his squad just a couple of months before he was killed. See that smile? He was having a great time and I know he’s smiling like that where he is right now.

Jesus died on the cross for Davey so Davey would not die, but live in his forever home with his Father God. Because Davey put his faith in Christ, he walked hand in hand with Jesus into heaven on May 18, 2016.

Jesus is alive and that means Davey is also alive, waiting for the rest of us who have accepted the free salvation Jesus offers to join him in heaven.

We celebrate today – because he lives.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On April 9, 2023 By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

Picking Up the Pieces

In the early days of this painful journey since my son, David Glasser who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty, I realized that I needed to look up….

and focus my eyes on the future. I knew I couldn’t do this alone so I had to look up to God who could give me the strength and wisdom I needed to move forward into that future.

With tears rolling down my face, I had to pick up the pieces of my heart that were smashed and broken when Davey died on May 18, 2016 and figure out my next steps.

Because I was still living….

and there was more life happening. There was much more ‘life’ coming my way. And this was true of all of my family, friends and Davey’s squad – everyone who felt some of the light in their world go out on May 18, 2016 still had a life to live. God had a purpose for why we are still breathing.

I didn’t have to look any farther than my two little fatherless grandchildren to be reminded that their whole lives were in front of them. They had just begun. And I wanted to be a fun and positive part of their future.

I looked at my daughter and her family and I knew that we had many great times filled with precious moments ahead.

I recently published a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love”. It’s the story of Davey’s life, the night he died and my journey of survival since then. We had a book launch party in Phoenix last month and I got to see several of Davey’s squad members and other Blue family members who were in my book and have been so important to me in this journey. It’s times like these that remind me how the future is a good place it be. It gives us countless opportunities for special times which make priceless memories.

In the middle of all the pain and loss and grief of this journey of survival, I have figured out how to move positively into the future. I haven’t left Davey behind – I have taken him and all of my cherished memories of him with me. He loved people and he was all about having fun. He would want all of us to fill our days with love, making new memories.