Tag: death of a child

It Leaves a Mark

There is a cost.

There is a commitment.

Love leaves a mark.

The cost is being more concerned about another person than you are about yourself.  What I want is not the most important thing when I love someone.

Commitment means loving this person even when they are unlovable.  Sometimes it means offering help and other times it means drawing boundaries.

Loving someone well takes a lot of energy and patience, wisdom and understanding.  Loving people well is a lot of work.  And it leaves a mark.

I have discovered that this mark doesn’t go away after someone we love dies.  This mark is permanent and never leaves us.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  The mark he left was an unusual kind of love.  It was an outspoken love – a love that broke down some of the walls we can set up as adults.  He said ‘love you’ often and you knew he meant it by how he included you and had fun with you and was loyal to you.  You knew there was a commitment being made when he said ‘love you”, it wasn’t just something he said.

The mark he has left is big.  It changed us. Loving each other means more hugs.  More caring.  Saying it and showing it.

The cost is giving up some of our ‘separateness’ and reaching out to people around us. The cost is taking our eyes off of ourselves long enough to see someone else that needs a hug or a hand. The cost is letting other people love us, knowing that this love will leave a mark. It’s permanent.

The commitment is not giving up even when its tough or strange or even a little weird.  Yes, weird.  If you’ve been really trying to love others, you know what I mean.  The commitment is setting love as a priority and letting other things that we always used to think were important slide down the list.

If I were to draw a picture of the mark Davey has left on us, it would not be a heart.  It would be a magic wand.  Because love has magical qualities that cannot be explained.

Love transforms us.  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love soothes pain and sadness and loneliness.

Love like this has changed my world. It can change your’s, too.

Thank you for leaving your mark of love on us, Davey.

Miss you.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Let’s Raise a Toast

Davey was always figuring out how to get a bunch of his friends together and have a good time.  He loved people – all kinds of people.  Unlike a lot of guys, he had a lot of friends and he kept in touch with them. He was the type of guy that would start talking to people while he’s waiting in the concession line behind them, and, by the time his turn came up, they would all be following each other on social media.  He was always aware of other people who didn’t seem to have friends and he would invite them to join his group. Several of you reading this probably experienced this.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  His death had a big impact on our city because his life had a big impact on our city.  People from all over the city had met him and knew him.  Many of those were police officers and there were also large groups of people who knew him because he was a massive fan of the Cardinals and all ASU sports.  There were other sports fans who got to know him on social media and then became his friend.  He was born and raised in Phoenix so he had old friends all over the valley whom he kept in touch with.

I love to tell stories that give you an insight into his unique personality and personal style.  As you can imagine, Davey liked to have people over and have a good time.  So he needed a beer frig, right?  He always said beer was supposed to be kept cold – you shouldn’t have it sitting in your pantry or garage.  It just didn’t taste right unless it went from the store refrigerator to your refrigerator.

I kept hearing about his beer frig when I would visit Davey and Kristen after they were married.  I assumed it was an extra refrigerator stashed somewhere – I don’t usually drink beer so I never used it.

They built a house in Goodyear and I still heard about this beer frig.  I never really looked for it until one hot summer day when we were visiting Davey and Kristen, I decided I wanted a beer.  And Davey said they were all in the beer frig.  So I went out to the garage to look for this beer frig.  I had never seen it but I had never actually looked for it.

There was no beer frig in the garage.  So I came back in and asked where the beer frig was and my husband told me it was in one of the extra bedrooms.  I had not had any reason to go in there so I had never seen it.  I thought it was a little strange to have a refrigerator in a bedroom but, they had two extra bedrooms at that time so it made some sense.

I checked out both extra rooms and I didn’t see any refrigerator.  Now I’m wondering if they had been playing a joke on me all of these years, just waiting for me to take the bait. (This was just like Davey)  Maybe the ‘beer frig’ was actually the back shelf of their refrigerator or something.

I was growing a little perturbed at this point – getting a beer shouldn’t be this hard.  So I walked out and said, “Where exactly is this beer frig?”  My husband walked me back to one of the bedrooms and pointed to a brown box on the floor next to a pile of other stuff.  He opened the door of the tiny brown refrigerator and grabbed a beer for me.

I couldn’t stop laughing!

Davey had saved his teeny refrigerator from college days and that was the famous beer frig I had been hearing about for so many years!

Davey loved a good deal.  He was always using coupons and discounts and figuring out how to save a buck.  He used a coupon at the restaurant he and his date went to for Senior Prom.  He would buy Fry’s gift cards and then use them for his own groceries so that he’d get the double points for gas.  He had a coupon on every trip he made to Home Depot.

We now have Davey’s beer frig in our basement next to our wet bar.  We had friends over last weekend and they had a good laugh when they saw our ‘beer frig’. It’s over 25 years-old and its still working. Davey would smile if he saw how it is stuffed full of beer and in need of being defrosted – just like the old days. That small brown box brings back many good memories of an amazing young man who loved people – and who made good use of his tiny college refrigerator.

So, remember to raise a toast the next time you pop open a brew in memory of a great man, a loving son, a dedicated police officer and an awesome friend!

Miss you, Davey.

Love you!

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

The Bomb

A bomb exploded in my life on May 18, 2016.

My plans were made.  I was on a course for my life that had my son’s smile and laughter plastered all over it.

And then the bomb went off – sending my life onto a whole new trajectory.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on Mary 18, 2016.

That day my life was thrown onto a path I never wanted to be on.  None of my former plans fit the journey I am on now.

I know I’m not alone.  There is a large group of us who were loving life with Davey when the bomb went off.  And now we find ourselves in this other world…..which is  darker….and has an obvious empty space,

Don’t tell me time heals all wounds.  This mother’s heart is broken and its not healing this side of heaven.

But….

here I am……

  • Putting Davey’s memorial bracelet on my wrist every morning – missing him, surprised that it’s been over 6 years since he was killed.  It feels like yesterday.  Except so much has changed. 
    • Everything has changed.
  • Blue has become my favorite color because it reminds me of Davey’s commitment to be a great police officer.  Many of my house decorations are now blue, my toenails are often blue and I’ve changed my Christmas decorations to mainly blue.
  • I’ve been retired for over 5 years and my retirement looks drastically different than I thought it was going to look 6 years ago.  It’s like I stepped into a different world, a place I would never have chosen.

About 6 months after Davey was killed, I was shopping and saw a small plate with ‘Embrace the Journey’ written on it.  I stood in that store in front of this plate for a long time.

Thinking……..

About the tragedy that had smashed my life and  the lives of so many people I love.

Thinking about the pain and the grief and the tears.

Now, 6 years later, I think about the awful road we have had to travel.  Parts of it have been straight uphill …. but we have traveled it together.

The last words Davey said to all of us were “Love you”.

I think about how that love has drastically changed this journey.

I have learned a lot about loving other people in these last 6 years.  I have learned a lot about what’s really important – and what’s not.  My heart has grown bigger as I reached out in love to the people moving forward with me on this very bumpy road.

It is definitely a journey. 

I am so glad that, standing in the store 6 years ago, I decided to ‘Embrace the Journey’.  God has placed me on this extremely tough road for a purpose.  He has walked closely beside me so far and I know he will give me strength and peace the rest of the way.

Of course I bought the dish.  At the end of each day, I place my wedding ring next to Davey’s memorial bracelet on it. My wedding ring changed after Davey was killed, too.  I added blue sapphires to it. 

Fallen but never forgotten.

Looking back, some days have been harder than others depending on the roller coaster of emotions the events of the day contained.  Sweet memories.  Sad losses.  One day might have many ups and downs and then the next is filled with gratitude for 34 years with Davey.  Each day I am reminded of my commitment to Embrace this Journey.

One day at a time.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens5 Comments

Choose a Path

When tragedy strikes, we are forced to choose a path.

When my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty, each of us affected by it were forced to choose a path.

When the sun came up on May 19, 2016 and Davey was dead, I had a decision to make.

Was I going to choose a path of bitterness?  Would I be defined as a victim of what was done to me for the rest of my life?  Would my life get stuck on this event?

Or would I choose life?  Would I figure out how to move forward?  Would I deal with the tears and the grief and the hole in my life in light of the fact that I am still here? God obviously has a purpose for keeping me here.

When tragedy strikes, we are forced to choose.  Each day we make a choice.  The good news is, if we make a wrong choice one day, we can change it the next.  We have this choice each day until that day of our final breath.

My decision was very easy when I thought of what Davey would want me to do.  He loved life.  He loved people.  He loved God.  And he lived his life full speed ahead.  He was snorkeling in Cozumel in this picture with his wife just a few months before he was killed.

There is no question about which choice would honor his legacy.  There is no doubt what he would say if I had the chance to ask.

He would say live life to its fullest.  Love people.  Love God.  Never stop growing and giving and having fun.  Live a life of no regrets.  Forgive and move on so you can avoid bitterness and a victim mentality.  Value integrity and honor.  Make your life count by caring for and helping others.

These are the choices that honor Davey and honor what he stood for.

It’s not an easy thing to do for those of us who have been left behind, but it’s worth it.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

The Hard Truth

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I love all the blessings God has showered down on me. I cherish all of the great people God has brought into my life. I appreciate all the awesome things God has given me to enjoy on this earth.

It’s so easy to be happy and praise God when I focus on all of the good things in my life.

But how do I react when something bad happens in my life? The book of Job in the Bible is a great one to study when devastation shakes up our world.

After Satan kills all of Job’s children, Job responds with “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away: may the name of the LORD be praised.” Job 1:21 – 22.

Hard, hard truth. All of us at sometime experience ‘the LORD gave and the LORD has taken away’ part of this truth. I didn’t know how horrible this could be until my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. God gave me Davey for 34 1/2 precious years….

and then God took him away.

A tragedy. A huge loss that filled my world with grief and pain. It has been a tsunami that continues to smash dreams I had and crush hopes of what my future with Davey in my life was going to look like.

I don’t like it. I don’t understand it. God and I have had many conversations about it and I have come to one conclusion.

I submit. I submit to God’s will. I submit to his purpose. I will never like it, and I probably will never understand it. So I submit.

God is perfect. He is good, all the time. He wants the best for me. He is working all things out for my good. When I filter all of my circumstances through these truths, God gives me peace and the strength to face a future here on earth without Davey.

The LORD gives and he takes away.

May the name of the LORD be praised.

He’s Not Here…

but he’s not gone.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

He’s not here but he continues to live on in the lives of the people he touched.  And he touched a lot of people.

Davey loved people.  He loved talking to people and people were drawn to him because of it.  He was a collector of friends and he had a lot of them – from all over the city.  I’ve seen him get in a long line at the concession stand at one of the many sports games he attended and, by the time he got up to the order window, he had made a new friend of the guy in front of him or in back of him in line.  That guy would show up at the next Cardinal’s tailgate party and be automatically accepted into the crowd of Davey’s buddies.

Davey’s love and acceptance changed us.  We belonged when we were with him.  It was a special gift he had that sprang from his general love for people.

His influence on our lives is far from gone.  His “love you’ echoes in our ears, reminding us to love others every day of our lives – even people we don’t know.  I love this picture of a sign someone made –

It has been challenging me to figure out how show more love to people I don’t know –

On freeways – letting cars enter ahead of me even if I have to slow down to make that happen.

Grocery stores –  checking the people behind me to see if they have significantly less items that I do so I can let them go ahead of me.  I’ve also started letting moms with a ton of kids go ahead of me knowing that waiting in line with all those kids is not a fun thing to do.

Doors – I’ve become more aware of people behind me going in and out of doors so I can hold the door for them.

Smiles – I make sure to say ‘hi” to people who are looking at me as we pass. Maybe that little bit of recognition will bring some light into their world today.

Prayers – I pray for people I pass whose cars are broken down on the side of road.  I pray for the police officers and people involved when I see an accident.  I pray for the people who are in the ambulance with its lights on as it passes me.

This world can be a very lonely place.  I live in a 55+ community where I know some of the people I meet in the morning as I walk my dog, Bella, have lost their significant other.  After their walk, they go home to a very quiet place where they miss the joy and companionship they used to have.  So I always smile and wave and say good morning. It may just be the small spark of “I see you” that person needs. 

Many of the people in my community have the habit of waving at everyone. As you walk by, as you drive by – they throw up a wave. At first this seems like a strange thing in this world where people don’t even look at each other but then it begins to feel good, like ‘you are included’. You are part of this community, so you get a wave, even when they don’t actually know you. And so you start waving back. I like it! If you want to start showing love and care to people you don’t know in your neighborhood, start waving at them….and watch them start to wave back.

As a police officer, Davey showed love and care for people he didn’t know all day, every day.  This is what police officers do.  Davey also did this in his personal life, role-modeling for us how to love people even when we don’t know them.

Davey’s not here, but he’s not gone.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens8 Comments

He’s Missing

It’s a constant issue.

Somebody is missing.

A tall somebody who was always adding a lot of fun and laughs to whatever was going on – he’s no longer here.

A man of faith whose integrity and character clearly showed through the decisions he made in his life – he’s missing.

There’s a hole in our lives that will never be filled.

Sometimes people use the word ‘healing’ when they’re talking to me about the death of my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police officer killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

I can’t relate to the word ‘healing’.  There’s a hole. After 6 years I have realized there is always going to be a hole.  It’s not going to ‘heal’ over into a scar and fade away.  Not in this lifetime. Not on this side of heaven.

Yesterday, I talked to my oldest grand darlings, Davey’s son and daughter, about going back to school again after their summer break and I couldn’t help thinking about how proud Davey would have been of how well they are both doing in school.  He loved learning – he was a fast thinker and very strategic.  He had a double major in college of Psychology and Criminal Justice.

 I will never forget a conversation we had when he was studying juvenile delinquency. He told me that a working mother was the highest indicator that a kid would become a juvenile delinquent.   Because I had been working full-time getting my Bachelor’s degree and then going right into my career since before he was born, I thought this was very interesting.

 So I asked him with a smile, “Well, what happened to you?”

That led to a in-depth discussion about how it’s not the mother’s working that’s the issue – it’s the values and faith and priorities of those mothers along with the fathers that has the biggest influence on the success of a child.

Davey told me many times how frustrated he was with the fact that many parents today use the police as the bad guys with their children.  

“If you don’t behave, the police will come and arrest you.”

 Really?  What happened to parents disciplining their own children and teaching their children to respect authority and the rules?  Is it just easier to wait until they are 15 or 16 years-old and let the police handle it?  

Policemen spend a lot of time parenting kids whose parents don’t do it.

The life of a cop.

He was a great cop….and he is missed.

He was a great son and brother…and he is missed.

He was a great husband and father….and he is missed.

He was a great friend and coworker….and he is missed.

There’s always going to be a 6’5″ hole in my life.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

So Quickly

In a second……

everything permanently changes.

There are so many reminders happening all around us every day of how quickly life ends – accidents and sudden medical events and violence. I can’t help thinking about the family, friends and co-workers who are being left behind.   Because that’s my story – left behind.  Every idea of what I thought my future was to going to be has literally crashed and burned.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed – in a second –  in the line of duty.  May 18, 2016 – a date seared into my soul.   When I hear the news of the latest tragedy, I find myself visiting that deep, dark place of pain, grief and loss once again.

I don’t know the specifics of other people’s situations, but I know the feelings.  I know the searing pain as reality reaches out to grab us through the sudden fog in our brains.  I know the hope each morning that it was all just a nightmare.  I know the constant reminders of all that has been lost.  I know the swirling.  I know the emptiness.

If you’ve experienced this kind of tragedy, you know it, too.

The good news is that God has helped me learn how to just visit that dark place.  I’m not stuck there.  I can feel it, recognize it, pray for those that have joined me on this road of recreating what my future looks like but I’m not staying in yesterday.  God has a purpose for leaving me here and that’s what I need to focus on.  I can’t focus on all I have lost…..there’s too much.  It’s too big.  It’s so painful.

These days I am often reminded again how short life is. My husband, Dave, recently experienced a life-threatening event with his heart. They ‘called a code’ on him in the emergency room. He’s in rehabilitation after surgery now and is going to be fine.

Wow – once again,  I am reminded how precious life is.  I am reminded how quickly people can be gone.  I’m reminded of how quickly I could be gone.

I am reminded of some of the game-changing things I have learned since Davey left us –

Life is short – forgive others, love others, cherish your time with them.  Always put God and people before ‘stuff’ and money.

No regrets – go, see, do.  Don’t put things off.  Deal with the conflict with people in your life positively or let it go.  Don’t stop talking to people when you’re mad at them – you may never get another chance to say ‘love you”.

Love is the answer – Love has a magical quality that comes straight from God.  Love first and worry about all the other stuff later.  Our lives will be empty unless we fill them with love.  We don’t want to miss the chances we have to love others and add something meaningful to their lives.

Davey had it so right when he made sure the last thing he said to anyone he cared about was ‘love you’.  It’s now years later and we are all still blessed by his last words to us as they echo through our hearts and minds.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

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Dream Snatcher

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It’s been over 6 years since my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer was killed in the line of duty.

And we have great memories of our lives with him.  We laughed, we played and we travelled.  We watched Davey play a lot of sports and we went to many games of all kinds in all different cities with him.

So many memories that bring big smiles to our faces.

But all of our dreams for the future with Davey have been snatched away.

Dreams of Davey coaching his son and daughter in baseball, basketball, volleyball and every other sport there is.

Dreams of Davey retiring from the police force and figuring out what he was going to do next.

Dreams of Davey and his, wife, Kristen, growing old together.  They were married young so we talked about them the possibility of them celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary.

Dreams of Davey and his son, Micah, playing a mean game of one-on-one basketball as Micah grew taller and taller, eventually passing up Davey. I know that was Davey’s dream when he built a basketball court in his back yard.

Dreams of Davey walking his beautiful daughter, Eden, down the aisle.

It’s 6 years later and one of the hardest parts of surviving this tough, tough, journey is all of the dreams that have been snatched away.

All of the great times and fun with Davey that will never be.

We are so grateful for all of the awesome memories we have.

But will be no more new memories with him.

That’s a very painful reality to deal with.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

Taking Care of Us

One of my favorite things to do is share great memories of Davey with people who really knew him.  It feels good and I’m pretty amazed at what I hear sometimes.  I have learned some very precious things about him from other people.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty May 18, 2016.  In the past 6 years, a bunch of family, his squad members, friends and my husband and I have gathered at ‘Davey’s spot” in the Phoenix Memorial cemetery to remember him together on his birthday.

It’s so awesome to get together and talk about Davey.   Sometimes when we share stories, I learn something new about Davey.  A couple of  years ago, I learned something I never knew before about how much Davey cared for all of us.

A little background on this – Davey always took care of my husband and my cell phones.  He would tell us it was time to order new ones and then he would order them for us since we were all on the same plan.  When the new phones came in, he would transfer our data and then he would sell our old phones for the difference so we never paid anything for our new phones.  He would also make sure we kept the boxes and had good covers and cases for our new phones so that he could resell them for top dollar.  He was great at it and it was a huge help to us.

These last 6 years, my husband and I have had to take care of our own phones.  It is such a hassle!! It takes us at least a week and often a trip or two to Verizon to get everything worked out whenever we change phones.  Yuck!  We never realized before how great it was to have Davey take care of this for us. Now we know.

So,  when we were sharing great memories of Davey a couple of years ago on his birthday at his spot in the cemetery, imagine my amazement when I discovered for the first time that he did all of this for a bunch of the people in his squad.  He ordered phones, transferred data and then sold phones so it didn’t cost anything for a whole group of people!

What a unique but important way to show how much he cared for us!  It’s like he had his own little new cell phone service going on and I never knew it.  He must have realized what a pain it was for many of us and he liked doing it so he did it for all of us.

That is so like him!  He loved us and cared for us in any way he could, not making a big deal out of it.

Davey leaves behind a legacy of saying “love you” and this is just one example of how he backed that up with action.

Miss you, Davey!

Love you.

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