The first day of May is coming very quickly. For the last 8 years, this has been a long, difficult month for me. I already feel the cloud of grief gathering over my head. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty in May 2016. His official End of Watch is May 19 but, if you’ve read my blogs you know I often use May 18th as the day he was killed because he was gone by the time I saw him in the hospital. Machines kept his body functioning until the next day so we could say goodbye and he could fulfill his wish of being an organ donor. But the awesome son, husband, father, brother and friend that we all knew was not in that hospital bed.

May starts out with Mother’s Day. It’s bitter sweet. I am so grateful for having 34 years with Davey, I am so thankful for our daughter and her family here in Denver and I am hugely blessed to have 4 adorable grand darlings. But Mother’s Day is not all flowers and smiles for those of us who have lost a child. The hole in our lives is bigger on Mother’s Day.

And then May 15th is National Peace Officers Memorial Day. So 4 days before Davey’s official E.O.W (End of Watch) our whole Blue Family is remembering and honoring all of our fallen heroes. Too many men and women have died serving their communities. Too many families are going through the nightmare we are going through. Too many lives blown apart.

May 15th is part of Police Week in Washington, DC. The main events of Police Week are the Candlelight Vigil and the Memorial Service. I have good, but bittersweet memories from 2017 when my family attended the entire week’s conference. Davey’s name is engraved on the Law Enforcement Memorial in Washington, DC. at 38 – W:30. If you haven’t been there, you’ll need to go the next time you are in town. It will help you remember that there are still a lot of people in this country who stand for honor, courage and sacrifice. There are thousands of people who have died serving their communities and cities.

We are hosting a Neighborhood Driveway Happy Hour on May 15th in our community in order to commemorate National Peace Officers Memorial Day. I think its important to raise awareness for all the sacrifices police officers make in order to serve and protect. The average person may not be aware this day exists but our goal is to make sure people who live around us know about it.

May 18th will forever be the worst day of my life. We always get together with family on either the 18th or 19th to remember Davey together. There is usually some cornhole involved since Davey loved to play games and have fun.

I’m sure you can start to understand why May is an especially hard month for me.

My long, difficult month of May always ends on a high note with my wedding anniversary with Dave, my husband. Forty-three years this year. It is a light at the end of a dark tunnel of remembering and it gives us something positive to celebrate. It is an accomplishment to be proud of, especially because together we have survived the worst thing that can happen to a parent. Our anniversary reminds us that our marriage has been one of our anchors in the continuing storm of missing Davey.

This year, May will end for me with a big Broadway Review all done by members of my 55+ community. Lights, costumes, and dancing – it’s all happening for 3 shows. I’m a singer so I’m in a couple of small group numbers and all of the big chorus numbers. That makes my participation low on stress and high on music and fun. I’m hoping this will help May speed by for me in a flurry of practices and rehearsals.

The main thing that has helped me keep moving forward through the roller coaster of pain and grief that has defined my life these last almost 8 years is getting as close to God as I possibly can. God remains my Rock as he shows me how to survive with a heart that was smashed on May 18, 2016. I spend many hours each week with my Bible open on my lap, listening and talking to God.

The amount of hours I spend with my Father will be going way up in May.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.