Tag: love you

It All Shook

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happened2 Comments

May 18, 2016.

David Glasser, my son, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on that day.

And everything in my world shook.

You cannot imagine what that feels like until it happens to you.  And it wasn’t just my life – the tsunami of his death hit everyone who was close to Davey. My two grandchildren’s world exploded.  My daughter-in-law’s world crashed. My daughter’s world flipped upside down as all of her dreams and plans with her big brother crumbled.

My husband’s world shattered into tiny pieces.  Davey was his best friend and my husband’s father had just passed away 10 days before Davey was killed.  Too much. How do we deal with this much devastating loss in such a short time?

Davey’s close friend’s and squad member’s worlds spiraled in various directions as each person felt the blow of Davey’s death.

The world shook.  It twisted.  It filled with unimaginable grief.  It emptied of joy and light.

I needed something solid to hold onto while everything around me smashed and rocked.  And I found the one thing that didn’t shatter, didn’t tilt, didn’t explode.  He was right beside me and he was Rock Solid – my Father God.  Always there, always loving me, always caring for me.

God has been with us every step of the way as we have each had to pick our way through the devastation Davey’s death had on our lives.  I am completely convinced that God is good and nothing that has happened to me changes that.

When my world gradually stopped shaking, I realized I was in this new place, a new reality.  It’s somewhere I never, ever wanted to be. My head recognizes this place and I know I have been left behind for a purpose. I have to keep moving forward. 

My heart is still regularly tugged back to a time when Davey was here, making me laugh and filling my life with his special kind of love. My husband and I just spent 10 days in the Phoenix area making new memories with Davey’s two children, having fun with old friends and making new friends. I had to stop my heart from focusing on how empty Phoenix feels without Davey. It’s hard. It hurts. People and places just kept touching the broken parts of my heart, the parts that will remain like that until I go to my forever home. So many precious memories of a different time……

my life before my whole world shook.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

Nobody Knows

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Nobody knows what it’s like to be a parent who has lost a child unless its another parent who has lost a child.

My husband and I attended the COPS Parent Retreat last weekend. There were 189 parents there and all of them had lost a law enforcement son or daughter in the line of duty. All of these parents know the ongoing grief that happens when we lose a child. They have experienced the nightmare of that call and they have endured the initial shock of finding out their child was gone. I found tears rolling down my face several times during the weekend when I would see the large dining room or auditorium filled with parents who are going through the continuing pain of missing their child like I am.

When we looked into each other’s eyes while talking about our children, there was an instant ‘knowing’. There was an automatic understanding that just isn’t there when we’re talking to anyone else. This ‘instant relationship’ filled the parents retreat with love and compassion for one another. It was a safe place to cry and express our grief. It was also a safe place to have some fun and great food.

The local law enforcement agencies really showed up with helping us move into our rooms, then moving back out and providing an awesome BBQ dinner for us. They treated us like they would want their parents to be treated if anything ever happened to them.

Those of us who have been left behind are called ‘Survivors’. None of us had any idea how much ‘surviving’ was going to need to happen on this tough road of losing our child. We have to survive their birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Christmas without them. Every year. We have to survive family gatherings where they are noticeably missing. Every year. Some of us have to survive the birthdays of our grandchildren – the children of our child who should be here, but they’re not. This happens every year.

In my case, my son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016. He was our only son. So whenever other people talk about their sons, all I have are great memories and a hole. This hole is getting bigger every year as he misses more and more.

I was glad to hear how often our faith in God showed up in our conversations. God was the only thing that didn’t shake in my life when Davey was killed. He has been my Rock and I discovered that he was a Rock to many of the parents I talked with. He has been lovingly faithful to all of us through our tragedies.

Another topic that came up in our discussions are the Law Enforcement memorials that we attend. Every year. They are bittersweet. We are very happy that our son or daughter is being remembered and honored at these memorials. It feels good to know that their sacrifice is not forgotten.

The bitter part comes when these memorials bring back to the forefront all that we have lost. They remind us of all the plans and dreams we had for our child and how our child had a starring role in many of our own plans and dreams. All of that has exploded and disappeared. It’s all gone. The moan of the bagpipes which are often centerstage at a Law Enforcement Memorial are a painful reminder of how long and how hard this journey of surviving the death of our child is.

Added to our loss is the fact that our child had been serving their community when they were killed. They were helping to put the evil in our communities behind bars and they were working tirelessly to help make our neighborhoods a safe place for us and our families to live. They were part of the ‘good guys’ in this world and now they are gone.

We have all lost so much.

No one knows that better than the parents of a fallen Law Enforcement Officer.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

What Do I Do With the Dust?

My dreams were crushed.

The vision of what my future here on earth was going to be blew apart.

All of the smiles and love and good times that I expected to have with my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, were ripped away on May 19, 2016 when he was shot and killed in the line of duty.

There are large places in my life that are filled with disappointments from all I have lost.  Actually, calling them disappointments is like calling a hurricane a little rainstorm.  I’m disappointed when my team doesn’t win, I’m disappointed when a friend doesn’t text me back – those are disappointments.

Davey’s death caused devastation. It was a crushing blow.

All that was left of my hopes and dreams of his future and my part in it was dust.  How do I deal with the dust?  What do I do with the hole left by losing an extremely important part of my life?

I didn’t know.  I just knew I didn’t want to go down the angry and bitter road that I’ve seen some survivors go down.  I didn’t want to go the hopeless route, blaming others for my unhappiness.

I didn’t know what to do with the dust so I gave it to God.  I trusted that the Creator of all Things could do something with the dust …..and he has.  As I have watched, I am seeing him begin to create a new part of me in the empty space – something stronger, more compassionate, increasingly solid and based on his truth.  He has helped me refocus my eyes off of this world which is not my home and onto my next ‘forever home’.

God has given a purpose to my dust and is remolding me through the devastation that has happened in my life.  It’s very evident that he’s not done.  He is in the process of re-creating what my future looks like on this earth.

For now, that is enough.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Worthless

When I was younger, I had a lot of fears – my parents dying, something bad happening to me, and more.  As I grew older, I experienced all of the things I was fearful of and God walked me through each experience. I got to the point where my only remaining fear was that something bad would happen to one of my children.

Then, about 13 years ago, my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer! This was bad.

But it was caught early.  Surgery was successful, she is cancer-free and I thought my worst fear had been faced.  I was good.  No more bad things were going to happen to my children.

I was obviously very wrong.

The worst happened on May 18, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.

Being afraid of it didn’t keep it from happening.  I have found fear to be a waste of energy and time.  It’s worthless. Nothing good is going to come from it.  Fear messes up our minds as it messes up our attitudes.  I believe fear comes directly from Satan – he loves to keep us down, keep us worried, scared of our own shadows.

Fear is not going to keep bad things from happening.

If you read my blogs regularly, you have heard this from me before – the question is not ‘if’ something bad is going to happen to you, it’s ‘when’.

I have realized that my thinking one bad experience for my children was going to keep them from another bad experience was wrong.  There will be more – for them, for me and for other people I love.

So I must prepare for tough things to happen without being scared of them.  How do I do that?

As you can imagine, I’ve read a lot of different ideas about this through these last 8 1/2 years.  I found that the most helpful words of advice came from God through his Word.  Asking for wisdom in my reaction to the tough stuff has worked.  Wisdom such as making sure my response to the negative is positive and helpful to me and to others has worked.  Building my perseverance through growing my relationship with God has worked.  Finding purpose in the pain has worked.  You’ll find all of this advice in the first chapter of the book of James in the Bible.

So I am no longer scared.  I am prepared.

Because fear does not keep bad things from happening.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

Yes

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

The answer is yes.

When I am asked if other law enforcement officers being killed in the line of duty brings it all back, the answer is always yes.  It brings back the horrible shock and loss of May 18, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed during a burglary attempt.

Officer Zane Coolidge from the Phoenix Police Department died in the line of duty two days ago. Since Davey was a Phoenix Police Officer when he was killed, we are very connected to all law enforcement events in Arizona. Officer Coolidge’s sergeant was Davey’s best friend on his squad. When I heard that Officer Coolidge had passed away after being shot, my mind immediately went to the day Davey was shot and that horrible night in the hospital as his brain waves gradually disappeared. Tears rolled down my face and I started praying. Officer Coolidge left behind a wife and a baby as well as the rest of his family and his friends and co-workers.

Many painful memories are brought to the surface whenever this happens and my broken heart keeps reminding me of all I have lost. I’ve been in this situation long enough to know that this is how it is for a parent who has lost a child. Something triggers the painful memories and our tears flow. It could be anything – large or small – and we’re back in that horrible place where we had to face the fact for the first time that our child was gone. Our loss becomes fresh again.

I will never forget Davey’s funeral – over 5,000 people and the majority attending were law enforcement. So many young police officers with their young wives! I know many of them had young children who they left at home with grandparents or friends. Davey’s two young children, my grandchildren, were left at home with friends from his squad. So much grief. So much pain.

It’s hard for people to understand all the courage and sacrifice that goes into being a police officer. I am often asked why anyone would choose to be a police officer and I explain that it’s a calling. It takes a special kind of person to risk their lives for people they don’t even know. Officers accept the call to serve and protect because its who they are, they wouldn’t be happy doing anything else. They are part of the ‘good guys’ in our world who get evil off our streets so our families can live and grow in a safe environment. Sometimes the evil wins the battle when we lose heroes like Zane….and Davey.

I have discovered that its not good for me to focus on everything I lost when Davey was killed. It takes me to a dark place – a place Davey would not want me to stay. So I force myself to concentrate on all the blessings I have and not dwell on the empty spot in my life.

It’s not easy. Especially when I hear about another police officer death.

Miss you more today, Davey.

Love you.

He Knew It!

He knew it was important to say it.

And he knew how it important it was to show it.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty May 18, 2016.  And he knew how important the words ‘Love you’ are.

He said these words to his squad every time he walked out to take a call.  He insisted that his squad say “Love you’ back to him and to each other, too.  Davey also said these words instead of ‘good-bye’ to everyone in his life he cared about.  He knew how unsure life is and how quickly things change. He knew that these words can easily become the last thing you get to say to each other.  And he knew that our last words can either haunt you or bring a smile to your face. 

He decided to make sure that his last words always brought a smile.

Davey knew that ‘Love you’ is not just two small words. Strong emotions are attached to them which bring hope and warmth and worth when we are separated from each other.  Sometimes that separation is a couple of hours and sometimes – like my family – we are separated for the rest of our lives here on earth.

“Love you’ has brought strength and comfort to me when I needed it most.

God tells us that “Love builds up’ in 1 Corinthians and I have been a witness to how true that is these last 8 1/2 years.

Because Davey’s ‘Love you’s’ still echo in our heads, his family and friends have adopted them as our own habit.  It has become our mantra.  We don’t leave each other without hugs and ‘Love you’s”.  And this love has built us up.

It has built me up.  “Love you” rolls through my head during the dark nights when the hole in my life where Davey should be seems too much to bear.  It gives me compassion when other people share their losses and tragedies with me.

Love has made the impossible task of moving forward after Davey’s death possible. My moving forward included publishing a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love.” This book includes the rest of the story if you’re interested.

I have found that it is hard to be angry when everyone around me is saying they love me.

It is hard to be bitter when hugs and ‘Love you’s’ are coming from all directions.

And it is hard to feel like I’m all alone when I am surrounded by love.

Love builds up.

Thank you for your legacy of love, Davey.

Miss you.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Struggling with Adversity

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Have you struggled with any huge issues in your life?

I have.  I am still struggling with the most extreme adversity I have ever experienced.  On May 18, 2016 my world exploded.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on that day.

I have experienced quite a lot of death in my life but this is – by far – the hardest.

Davey was a unique young man who was dedicated to serving his community and dedicated to living life to its fullest with fun, going everywhere and anywhere, while collecting a vast number of friends. He did all of this with an obvious devotion and love for God and his family.  My husband and I lived 1 1/2 miles from Davey and his wife and 2 children the last 5 years of his life.  We talked with him daily and saw him almost every day for one reason or another.

I don’t have the words for how painful this last 8 1/2 years have been.  It defines adversity.  Living with the reality of my circumstances is a struggle.

As I read the book of Job in the Bible, I can relate to many of the trials Job went through.  Job experiences the shock of getting terrible news that all of his children have been killed.  I know what it feels like to have one of my children die, I can’t imagine being told they were all killed.  Then, after the first horrible news,  painful things just kept happening.  I can relate.  When people around him started saying strange and wrong things to him, I can relate.  Job questioned God and wondered why this was all happening to him.  I can relate.  He was overwhelmed with sorrow.  I can relate.

It’s a huge struggle.

Job was confident that his redeemer lived and he was confident that – in the end – his redeemer wins.  He knew that God was in total control and all-powerful.  I am also confident in my Redeemer, the Creator of the Universe.

Job committed his life to being faithful to God in spite of his circumstances.  He praised God in the middle of all of the pain he was experiencing.  He knew that is was wise to turn from evil and love God.  I can relate to all of this.

Job had a long conversation with God.  I can relate – I have had many long conversations with God about my son’s death.  Job confessed that he did not understand.  I can relate – I will never completely understand this.  Job’s eyes were opened in a new way to the reality that God has a plan and purpose for each of us and that God’s ways are not our ways.  I can relate.

God gave Job peace in the middle of his pain and blessed him.

I can relate.

What’s Under the Rug?

May 18, 2016 seemed just like any other day.

And then I received the call that my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, had been shot.  Before the night ended, he was gone.

I felt like the rug of my life was completely pulled out from under my feet.  Nothing was what it was before.  My husband and I lived a mile away from Davey and his family and Davey was my husband’s best friend so there was daily interactions and conversations.

But now Davey was gone.

And the ‘rug’ was gone.

The ‘rug’ includes all of the material and superficial stuff in my life – the things that seemed to matter so much until I was hit with this tragedy.  When something horrible like this happens, none of that means anything anymore.  It’s all very trivial.

The ‘rug’  was not going to help me survive. The ‘rug’ was not important enough to get me out of bed in the morning after Davey died.  All of that ‘stuff’ was not motivating enough to make me to look up out of my grief and try to move forward.

When the ‘rug’ is gone, it exposes what is under it.

What is really important? What’s left? What do I say and how do I act when my whole world is shaking and crumbling around me?  What kind of character have I developed?

The real question is – how solid is my foundation under the ‘rug’?  What have I  been building my life on?

If you’ve experienced a tragedy in your life, you have had no choice – you had to answer these questions.  All of the people who love someone whose name is on the National Peace Officer Memorial in Washington, DC (below) have had to answer these questions.   

I have had to answer these questions.

The good news is that my foundation held.  It didn’t crack – it never shook.

My life is built on a relationship with my Father God who was and is and will always be.  He never leaves my side.  He fills my soul with his perfect love, giving me peace and strength for each day of this very tough journey of surviving the death of a child. 

God has already won the war that is being waged here on earth.  We know how this story ends.

But I still have a purpose to complete – a piece of his plan to accomplish.  And then he will take me home – where Davey is.

The ‘rug’ disappeared but God never moved.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Listening to the “Love You’s”

We remember.  And, if we listen closely, we can hear his voice as ‘love you’s’ echo through our heads.

Over 8 years ago, we lost a hero.  My son, David Glasser, was a  Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty.  We remember and honor his commitment to the safety of those of us who live in Phoenix.  We remember and honor his willingness to put himself at great risk in order to save others.

Davey was a Phoenix native who graduated from Moon Valley High School before getting a Bachelor’s Degree in Criminology and Psychology at ASU.  He was a Phoenix Police Officer for 12 years.

Davey was a family fanatic – he had a huge heart which was dedicated to his wife, Kristen, his two children and his extended family. Davey was a fanatic about loving God and telling people about him.

He was a sports fanatic – he played them his whole life and he followed them all.  He especially loved the Cardinals and Diamondbacks and all ASU sports. In this picture he is wearing a Cardinals hat that I bought him as a joke. He loved it!

He was also a people fanatic – he was a role model for all of us when it comes to loving people.  He loved to make people laugh.  He loved to be around people who were having a good time.  He was fiercely loyal to those he loved. He didn’t have any biological brothers so he recruited brothers his entire life – some wore a blue uniform, some wore a cross, others wore Moon Valley red, white and blue, and he had a large crowd of brothers who wore Cardinal Red.

If Davey loved you, you knew it – because he told you.  He knew how quickly life could change, how – in a moment –  his life could end.  So he was fanatical about telling people he loved them and he also was adamant about hearing it back.

Davey’s watch ended on May 19, 2016.  But his love, dedication, integrity and honor lives on through the lives of those of us who loved him and through the David Glasser Foundation.  There is still a lot to be done and the Foundation is proud to continue the work that David started.

Today, we pause…. we listen to the love you’s… and we remember.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you!

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

An Unusual Kind of Love

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  The mark he left on us was an unusual kind of love.  It was an outspoken love – a love that broke down some of the walls we have built as adults.  He said ‘love you’ often and you knew he meant it by how he included you and had fun with you and was loyal to you.  You knew there was a commitment being made when he said ‘love you”.

It wasn’t just something he said.

Today is the 8th anniversary of Davey’s funeral. That’s the day I learned that Davey said ‘Love you’ instead of good-bye to everyone he cared about – even his tough squad of fellow police officers. He insisted they say it back to him because he said they never knew if they would see each other again.

That’s the day I began to really understand the power of love.   These last 8 years I have been amazed at the large impact Davey has made on the lives of those who knew him and many more that never knew him but have heard his story as we have started loving one another with an outspoken love like he taught us.  Saying it and showing it.

Unusual love like Davey’s leaves a mark.

If I were to draw a picture of the mark Davey has left on us, it would not be a heart.  It would be a magic wand.  Because I have discovered since Davey’s death that loving people out loud has magical qualities which cannot be explained.

There is also a cost to experiencing this kind of love. There is a commitment.

The cost is being more concerned about another person than you are about yourself.  What I want is not the most important thing when I love someone. The cost of loving people out loud is giving up some of our ‘separateness’ and privacy. The cost is taking our eyes off of ourselves long enough to see someone else that needs a hug or a hand.  The cost is letting others love us, knowing that this love will leave a mark.  It will change us.

Commitment means loving this person even when they are unlovable.  Sometimes it means offering help and other times it means drawing helpful boundaries. This commitment is not giving up even when its tough or strange or even a little weird.  Yes, weird.  If you’ve been really trying to love others out loud, you know what I mean.  The commitment is setting love as a priority and letting go of other things that we always used to think were important.

Love changes things.  It has a supernatural power that comes straight from God.  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love soothes pain and sadness and loneliness.

Love really can change the world.

Thank you for the permanent mark of unusual love you have left on our lives, Davey.

Miss you.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments