Tag: memories

I’m Not Mad

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

People have asked me if I got mad at God when Davey was killed.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

Looking back, I cannot remember a moment when I was mad at God.  I know many people have that reaction when tragedy strikes because we know that God is in total control of what happens on earth and now this horrible thing has happened to us.

That is not my response.

After thinking about it, I figured out that I didn’t get mad at God because I learned the truth more than 25 years earlier that God is not Santa Claus.  He doesn’t exist to grant all of my wishes.

God is not here to do what I want him to do.  I am here to do what God wants me to do.

That’s a very important difference.

God is perfect, he is all-knowing and all-powerful.  He is the Uncreated One – eternal.  It’s all about him, not about me.

I also know that God is good, all the time.  He loves me, he wants the best for me and he is working all things out for my good.  My current circumstances don’t change these facts.

We spent the night Davey was shot in the hospital praying for a miracle. In the midst of praying and asking everyone I saw to pray for a miracle, I was thinking about the great story we would get to tell when Davey miraculously got better. As the night progressed, more tests were done and it became painfully obvious that Davey had already left us. There was no miracle for us that night.

I remember thinking in the midst of my black swirling cloud of grief, “God is not writing a story of him doing a miracle and Davey getting better.  There is something else going on.  God is doing something different.”

Faith is about trusting in God even when we don’t understand.  Faith is about trusting in God even when we’re struggling with too much pain, too much loss, too much sorrow.  Faith is about trusting God even when tomorrow looks dark and it’s not a place we want to go.

The fact is that I’m still here because God has things he wants me to do.  That gives me purpose and helps me focus my eyes above instead of what’s behind me.  God is training my eyes to see beyond what is right in front of me.

I’m not mad. I’m grateful to God for his love and guidance through this worst time in my life. I’m grateful for all the blessings I have in my life right now. I’m grateful for all of the kindness and grace and love so many people have shown me and my family in these last 10 years.

And I’m extremely grateful for the 34 1/2 years on earth that I got to spend with Davey.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

My Life Sentence

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

ave been given a life sentence.

For the rest of my time here on earth, my life will have a big hole in it.  This hole has been getting larger as each year passes since my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  He is missing more and more important events and milestones of his family and our family.  He’s not here for first days of school and a new year of baseball.  He doesn’t get the chance to play with the new members of our family and birthday parties continue to happen without him. This list could fill 100 blogs.

My life sentence has no end on this planet.  Every hour, every day, every week, every year – he is gone.

I have awesome memories of him, great pictures and  two unbelievably precious grandchildren that remind me of him.  But he’s not here.

And he will not be here.

Usually I try not to think about the fact that, 20 years from now, he will still be gone.  I guess that’s the reality of a life sentence – it doesn’t change.  There is no hope of parole.  There is no break.

I try to focus on all of the blessings I had before Davey was killed and all of the blessings I have now.  But….sometimes… the hole is just too big.  The black hole of grief looms in front of me, making this never-ending path of loss extremely hard to navigate.

This life sentence on earth is a struggle.

So what’s my motivation for getting up in the morning?

Davey is gone but there are so many people still here.  God has shown me that he has a purpose for me here on earth.  There are still a lot of things he wants me to do.  God is very obviously walking beside me up this mountain of a life sentence, giving me strength for the climb and wisdom for the blind curves.

I have also been given the eternal life sentence of being loved and cared for by my good Father God.  This life sentence has already started and it will never end.  There is no grief or loss in my relationship with God.  Nothing can ever separate me from his love.

Davey is no longer experiencing any of these earthly struggles or pain.  He’s in a perfect place with his Father God.

And I will be there, too, someday when my purpose on earth is done.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you

Love You

Two simple little words –

that are not simple

and they have had a huge impact on my life these last 10 years.

I have learned a lot about love since Davey, my son who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

I’ve been on this planet for a while and I have loved others and been loved by others my entire life.  

But I never really understood the enormous power love has – until now.  Love has transformed our tragedy into a growing season.  It forced us to leave bitterness and anger behind – those emotions don’t fit when love is the focus. And it has helped us be thankful for what we had and for what we still have. Love has filled some of the huge hole created by the loss of Davey and it continues to cushion the rest so its possible to move forward.

Love is a decision, not an emotion.

Loving people who aren’t perfect and aren’t like us is not easy.

Loving people we don’t know or don’t like is usually not our first response.

‘Love you’ is a committment.  It means I always want the best for you even if that will cause me to sacrifice something on my end.

It means that I’m on your team.  I will care for you, defend you, pray for you and be here for you – always.

‘Love you’ says ‘You’re important to me’.  It says ‘ You’re valuable to me’.  It says ‘I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt when you’re wrong or grumpy or just not very lovable.’ It says “I’m going to come up with as many excuses for your behavior as I do for my own.’

Sometimes I say ‘Love you’ to people I don’t know well or don’t know at all.  This ‘Love you’ says ‘I recognize you as a good person and I want the best for you. I’m glad we’re sharing this place or this moment together. ‘ ‘

I have discovered that this over-all ‘Love you’ culture is much more powerful than it sounds.

It’s not just words.

It’s not superficial when we also act like we ‘love you’ to the people around us.  When the people around me – whether I know them or not – are important to me, the air changes around us.  The mood is different.  I can feel the acceptance and caring – not just of me but for each other.

A note to my Blue Family – loving each other and saying it regularly puts a band of steel under the Thin Blue Line.  Love adds a strength to our relationships that you will not understand until you try it.  Our family needs this strength to deal with our reality.

Love is the legacy that Davey left with us.  He knew how essential love is for all of us and he made sure we told each other – regularly – at least every time we left each other.

I’m amazed at how much ‘Love you’ has changed my world these last 10 years.

And I’m aware of how much it has changed all of us. We recently held a Cornhole Tournament as a memorial for Davey, inviting all the people who went through hell with us on May 18, 2016. The love of everyone for everybody at that event was strikingly evident. It was a unique reunion that fed all of our souls. Davey’s legacy was never more apparent that in that group of family and friends who have survived the tragedy of losing Davey. Love is and always will be the answer.

Love is an amazing gift from God that is meant to be shared. If you haven’t gotten on the ‘Love you’ train yet, this is your invitation to jump on. It will change your life if you let it.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

 

 

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

Ten Years Ago

10 years ago, on Mother’s Day, was the last day I saw Davey’s smile.

It’s hard to believe a decade has passed. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. It reminds me again that I have a ‘before’ part of my life and an ‘after’ part. The before is before Davey was killed and it is filled with precious memories of when my family was whole. I am now in the after part of my life which has a big 6’5″ hole in it.

Some of the best words to describe this last 10 years is – it’s been a bittersweet struggle. My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016 – right after Mother’s Day.   The horror of that day has overshadowed my Mother’s Day ever since.  The permanent, painful changes in my life make my broken heart ache – especially on this day.

Memories of my last Mother’s Day with Davey are burned into my brain. I was told later that he had the opportunity for some off-duty work that day but he turned it down, saying he wanted to spend the day with the ‘mothers’ in his life.  That doesn’t surprise me – that’s who he was.  He had his priorities straight.

Davey also knew I was alone that day because my husband had taken an emergency flight to Pennsylvania.  My husband’s father had just died.  Yes, my father-in-law passed away 13 days before our son was killed.  Have you ever felt the crushing impact of multiple bombs going off in your life?

When I remember that Mother’s Day, all I can think about is sitting outside at lunch with Davey and his family.  I remember what it felt like to hang out with him – to laugh and have fun.  I remember how different my world felt with him in it.

My Mother’s Day will never be the same.  There is an important person missing.

But then I remember how grateful I am to have my daughter and four gorgeous grand darlings –  each one of them is such a blessing in my life!  When I focus on them, Mother’s Day starts to sparkle again.  All the possibilities!  All the new memories to make! I have a lot to celebrate! Watching my daughter as she does an awesome job being a mother to her two small children brings me joy. Watching my grand darlings grow into their own personalities and strengths is awesome.  Watching Davey’s children mature has the added joy of seeing glimpses of him as they exhibit traits they inherited from their dad.

If you have experienced the loss of a child, you know the struggle that I’m describing.  Dark hours and then the light shines through.  Things going smooth….until they don’t.  Several days without tears and then a day when it’s hard to stop the waterfall.

Mother’s day – it’s bitter sweet when you have lost a child.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

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No Regrets

No regrets – it’s a good feeling.

David Glasser, my son who was a Phoenix Police Officer, went to work on May 18, 2016 and he never came home. We have shed a lot of tears since then. All the plans and dreams we had of sharing our lives with Davey have been ripped away.

There’s a huge hole in our lives.

But no regrets.

Davey lived life to its fullest and, as a result, those of us around him were also caught up in his whirlwind of a good time. He was always planning the next poker party, the next BBQ, the next Fantasy draft and the next trip.  We knew we could count on him to provide the spark – something fun was on its way.

We all got used to saying ‘yes’ to whatever he was planning because we couldn’t say no – then we’d miss the fun!  We also got used to helping him do whatever he wanted to do because it was going to be good.

Now we are so thankful for all those great memories.  And we have a ton of them!  Our calendar was full of good times with Davey – we have no regrets about things we should have, could have,or would have done.   None of us knew how short our time was going to be with him.

None of us ever know.

Early on as a family, we learned to keep short accounts.  If something major was going on, we talked about it.  If something wasn’t a big deal, we forgot about it.  Let it go.  That way we weren’t hanging on to anger and hurt feelings.

There’s a reason why God tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger.  Because – sometimes –  the sun goes down and the person we’re angry with never comes home again.

Accidents.

Heart attacks.

Aneurysms.

Blood Clots.

Getting shot.

For whatever reason, the person you are mad at doesn’t come home…

and you are left with regrets.

That doesn’t have to happen.

Davey knew that some situations he got into as a Police Officer brought him dangerously close to never coming home again.  It was very important to him that the people he cared about knew that he loved them.  So the last thing he always said to us was ‘Love you’.

The very last thing he said to all of us was ‘Love you’.

And we said ‘love you’ back to him.

No regrets.

He talked his squad into saying it as well.  ‘Love you’ is the last thing they said to Davey.  And it was the last thing he said to them.

No regrets.

Just awesome memories of a very special person we miss every day……..

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

It Leaves a Mark

There is a cost.

There is a commitment.

Love leaves a mark.

The cost is being more concerned about another person than you are about yourself.  What I want is not the most important thing when I love someone. It means taking our eyes off of ourselves long enough to see someone else that needs a hug or a hand. The cost of loving others is giving up some of our ‘separateness’ and deciding to actually care for people around us.  We have to let others love us, knowing that this love will leave a mark.  It will change us.

Commitment means loving this person even when they are unlovable.  Sometimes it means offering help and other times it means supporting them as they figure it out for themselves. When we commit to love one another, it means we don’t give up even when its tough or uncomfortable. It means loving people who think differently than we do. Unfortunately in our current culture, people have started turning away from anyone who doesn’t agree with them. The ‘hate’ word comes up far too often. We have always had many different perspectives between generations – that’s nothing new. What’s new is the lack of commitment to love people in spite of the differences. We need to get good at agreeing to disagree because we love this person and that is more important than our conflict of opinions. It means setting love as a priority and letting other things that we always used to think were important slide down the list.

Loving someone well takes a lot of energy and patience, wisdom and understanding.  Loving people well is a lot of work.  And it leaves a mark.

I have discovered that this mark doesn’t go away after someone we love dies.  This mark is permanent and never leaves us.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.  The mark he left was an unusual kind of love.  It was an outspoken love – a love that broke some boundaries that we can set up as adults.  He said ‘love you’ often and you knew he meant it by how he included you and had fun with you and was loyal to you.  You knew there was a commitment being made when he said ‘love you”, it wasn’t just something he said.

The mark he left on us is big.   We have discovered how big it is this last 10 years since he was killed as those of us with his mark have loved each other more and we have loved each other better. More hugs. More caring. 

If I were to draw a picture of the mark Davey has left on us, it would not be a heart.  It would be a magic wand.  Because genuine love has magical qualities that cannot be explained. It comes from God with a power none of us truly understands. But we can see it’s effect on us.

Love changes things.  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love soothes pain and sadness and loneliness. Love fills our world with purpose. It gives meaning to the difficult things in life and hope for a better tomorrow. What I have learned about love this last 10 years has renewed my thinking. My heart has grown. Davey’s mark on my life has transformed my world. It can transform your’s, too.

When you choose to love.

Miss you, Davey. Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

No Word

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There is no word for losing a child. A child who loses their parents is an orphan. A husband who loses his wife is a widower.

But there is no word for a parent who loses a child. Maybe that’s because the pain is indescribable. It’s so wrong. It’s not supposed to happen.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016 and my life blew up. All of my hopes and dreams were ripped away because Davey played a part in all of them.

Parents like me have to piece our lives back together around a big hole after losing a child. It’s very hard to do. It’s a daily struggle for a long time – years – to develop new habits. It doesn’t feel right because rebuilding a life without our child feels like we are leaving a very important part of us behind.

God is the one who helped me figure out how to move forward, bringing Davey with me. Davey still has a significantly positive role in the life I have built these last 9 1/2 years since his death.

The David Glasser Foundation has played a big part in helping all of us take Davey with us as we move forward. Through the foundation, we get to complete some of the work that Davey would have done if he was still here and that feels very good.

Hosting a Law Enforcement Memorial Day community gathering at our house every year helps my husband and I take Davey with us. Davey loved to play cornhole so getting out the boards reminds us of many good times throwing some bags with him.

Writing a book about Davey’s life, his death and my journey to find hope after losing a child has helped me include Davey in the life I have pieced together since his death. Writing this blog has helped.

I have shared with you that I put together family picture albums each year and Davey always shows up in those.

Davey left a legacy of love when he taught us to say ‘love you’ instead of good-bye. Now, every time I say it or write it, it feels like Davey is standing right next to me with a smile on his face.

Not every parent who has a lost a child needs to start a foundation or write a book. Each of us has to figure out how this works for us. Some people create traditions for the birthday of the child they lost or start a scholarship for something that was significant in their child’s life.

There is no word that describes the reality of being a parent who has lost a child….

but taking them with us as we move forward honors their lives and gives us a purpose again.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

Forever 34

It’s been it’s a struggle to move forward from May 18, 2016.  That’s the day my world blew up.  It’s a day that is etched into my mind by grief and pain – the day my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.

I am blessed with a great group of family, friends and my Blue Family.  I’m learning how to live with only memories of Davey.

It’s not easy. It doesn’t feel right. The empty hole in my life is very evident.

But I have no other choice.

I thank God for no regrets and a ton of precious memories.

Davey’s birthday is this week, November 19th.  He would have been 44 years-old.  We had so much fun on his birthday every year!  His 20th birthday landed on a home Cardinals game – the early years of the Cardinals.  We all had a blast tailgating.  Beer pong was still an approved activity then so there were lots of ping pong balls flying everywhere.  Good times!

asu

Davey’s birthday is right before Thanksgiving so it always felt like his birthday extended into the holiday. He often had an ASU vs UofA Football Watch party the day after Thanksgiving if the big rivalry game was being not being played in town. If the game was in town he was usually tailgating somewhere close to the stadium.  Davey loved ASU and he loved the rivalry.  He graduated from ASU along with most of our family except we have one Wildcat…..and he loved to razz her about it …constantly 🙂

Everybody would come to Davey’s football parties and we would have a great time laughing and playing all day.  Cornhole.  Washers.  Watching the game.  Drinking some Coors Light.  

davey-square

 It’s hard now.  We miss him.  We miss his laugh and his joking and his big smile of delight when he was surrounded by his friends and family.

It’s been over 9 years since I’ve seen his smile in person. I have a re-occurring dream where I see Davey at a distance and I keep following him around trying to talk to him – trying to get him to smile at me. But I can never get close enough. Davey was shot in the back of his head and he has a big patch on his head in my dream. The first time I saw it (in my dream) I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then I realized that was where he was shot. Isn’t it crazy that my subconscious would add that to my dream?

Except for the patch, in my dream Davey looks just like he did in 2016. He looks just like this picture that was taken 2 months before he was killed.

My four special grand darlings are all growing taller and are physically changing a lot as they grown up. The rest of us are growing older with more gray hair, wrinkles, and age spots.

But Davey will stay forever 34…..

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens6 Comments

It’s a Sign

It’s a sign that one man who cared can make a difference.

It’s a sign that David Glasser’s legacy of love is destined to have a permanent effect on the kids who live in Laveen….and beyond.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016 in Laveen, Arizona.  He loved being a police officer and he committed his life to helping make the streets of Phoenix a safer place for you and I to live.  He wanted to make a difference by working as one of the good guys, making our communities safer for our kids to play in.  He asked to work in the highest risk areas of Phoenix in order to protect you and me from the dangerous people who prowl the streets of those neighborhoods.

Everyone who drives by this plaque in Laveen is reminded of the day that the City of Phoenix lost a hero. A couple of months after the first sign went up, the 2d sign was added to the post. Someone saw it and sent me this picture. Love it!

A year after he was killed, the Laveen Elementary School District decided to honor Davey and his memory by naming the athletic field they were building after him.  What a great idea!  Davey loved sports – all of them.  He was a huge fan of the Cardinals, the Diamondbacks and all of the ASU sports teams. Whenever the Cardinals would have a tough year and attendance at their games would go down, Davey would talk loud and long about ‘fair weather fans’.  Loyalty was a huge issue for Davey.

Davey played baseball and basketball, focusing on basketball as he got into high school and onto the varsity team.  He knew a lot about sports and planned to become a coach after he retired from the police department.  That’s one of the many dreams which will never come true.

But Davey never dreamed that an athletic complex would be named after him.  And that has come true.  Here’s the sign:

It’s a beautiful complex at 5001 West Dobbins Road in Laveen.  Stop in sometime and take a look.

There is not a more appropriate way to honor Davey than by naming a sports complex after him.  And there is no better place for it than in the middle of the community he died serving.  Kids playing sports on these fields for many years to come will be reminded of a Police Officer who cared enough to work hard in their community to help keep them safe.  His love for his community lives on here at these fields.

It’s a sign that one man who cared can make a difference.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

He’s Missing

It’s a constant issue.

Somebody is missing.

It’s a tall somebody who was always adding a lot of fun and laughs to whatever was going on.

A man of faith whose integrity and character clearly showed through the decisions he made in his life is missing.

He’s missing right this instant as November looms in front of us. My son, David Glasser’s birthday. He’s missing it …. again.

There’s a hole in our lives that will never be filled.

Sometimes people use the word ‘heal’ when they’re talking to me about Davey being killed in the line of duty and I can’t relate.  There’s a hole.  It’s not going to heal over into a scar and fade away.  Not in this lifetime.

So we’re figuring how to move forward with the hole. 

My grandson, Davey’s son, is in high school now. He was 5 when Davey was killed. Micah is doing great in school and Davey would be so proud of him. Davey loved learning and figuring things out.  He had a double major in college of Psychology and Criminal Justice.  I will never forget when he was studying juvenile delinquency – he told me that a working mother was the highest indicator that a kid would become a delinquent.   I had been working full-time since before he was born and I thought his comment was very interesting.  So I asked him with a smile, “Well, what happened to you?”

That led to a in-depth conversation about how it’s not mothers working that’s the issue – it’s the faith and values and priorities of those mothers along with the fathers that has the biggest influence on the child.

Davey told me many times how frustrated he was with the fact that many parents today use the police as the bad guys with their children.  “If you don’t behave, the police will come and arrest you.”  Really?  What happened to parents disciplining their children and parents teaching their children to respect authority and the rules?  Is it just easier to wait until they are 15 or 16 and let the police handle it? Police officers spend a lot of time parenting kids whose parents aren’t do it.

The life of a cop. He was a great cop….and he is missed.

He was a great son and brother…and he is missed.

He was a great husband and father….and he is missed.

He was a great friend and squad member….and he is missed.

There’s always going to be a hole because he’s not here.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

 

 

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments