It never used to be a tough question….but it is,
When someone who doesn’t know me asks me, “Do you have any children?” my brain now goes through a whole series of decisions. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. So my answer to this question has drastically changed.
It used to be my favorite question to answer but now it’s become complicated. Do I want to get into the whole story? I have to get into some of it. How much of it do I want to share? I love talking about Davey but I don’t like to share a lot of details about his death with strangers. I never know which emotional buttons will be triggered and having tears roll down my face is not a great ice breaker as I’m getting to know people.
“Do you have any children?” should be an easy question to answer but it has become a difficult one for me. If my emotions are running high, I’ll just talk about my daughter and son-in-law and daughter-in-law and then jump into all the great things about my grand darlings. That usually distracts people and they don’t ask anything about my son. Some people are naturally curious and like to know details – details I don’t want to get into. These are situations where I say, “It’s tough to talk about.” and leave it at that.
I have no problem talking about Davey with people who knew him. We share stories and smile. We remember good times together. Some of the stories still bring the tears but they are good tears from great memories of an awesome person.
My heart yearns to go back to when Davey was here. My brain knows I can’t but my heart feels the hole, the huge empty spot in my life. This is the place where my tears come from. This is the place that is often touched when I’m asked, “Do you have any children?”
I met one father who said he had a daughter in Phoenix, a son in New York and another son in heaven. Interesting. I like it. Because it’s current. Davey is in heaven right now.
I think I’ll start using that answer because it doesn’t touch the big empty spot in my heart.
Miss you, Davey.