I’ve Been Here Before

Parts of the craziness surrounding us because of the Coronavirus feel very familiar to me.  It feels like I’ve been here before.

The uncertainty.  The concerns.  Bad news piling higher every day.  The world as I know it being gone.

I felt this after my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  So many unknowns.  Painful changes.  Dark days and even darker nights.

First came the unbelievable shock of his death.  Next was the huge funeral -the majority of that day is covered in a fog of pain and grief in my memory.  And then- somehow – those of us that loved him had to find a way to start moving through our days – shell-shocked by what had happened.  My mind swirled daily around the hope that it was all a nightmare…… a long nightmare.

Bad news grew as the reality of life without Davey become clearer.  So much lost – how can we possibly go on?  All of my plans and dreams for the future included Davey.  Every one of them was ripped away.

When our framily (family and friends who are family) got together in those first months, we would often sit in silence….staring.  There was nothing to say.  It was all too horrible.

For months I wondered why people I saw in public were smiling?  What did they have to laugh about?  It was hard being out around people who were happy with all their dreams still intact.  I felt like an island of pain and grief moving among people who had no idea what it feels like to have your whole world explode.

That’s one of the big differences about our situation today – we are all in it together.  We are all affected.  We are sharing this experience and – for me – this makes it a little easier.

Another huge difference about our situation today is that we know – someday – something about the virus will be figured out so we can gradually get back to a new normal.  Someday, the stock market will rebound, jobs will come back.  We will be able to hang out with our friends again and play sports again.

But Davey will not be coming back. There is no future on this earth that includes him.

That’s the worst that can happen.

Miss you, Davey.


8 responses to “I’ve Been Here Before”

  1. Your post shared by a friend led me to read a previous post you wrote from March. We have not met but your thoughts so beautifully expressed reflect so many of the thoughts that run through my head .A few days ago I mentioned to my husband that the feelings I was having during this crisis reminded me of the darkest days after loosing our son Jamison in the LOD as aVol. FF (also a full time Deputy in Marathon Cty)This morning I heard JulieAndrews on a morning show I was watching. describe it as “You know its real but it doesnt seem real” . We will get through this,life will be changed but my heart goes out to those who have lost a loved one especially not being able to say goodbye or be with them and that change as we know is forever . Our prayers are always with our LEO and FF family
    God Bless & Stay Strong Judy


    1. Thank you for the encouragement, Pat. Sorry you lost your son as well. 💙💙💙


  2. Cynthia Kay Clark Avatar
    Cynthia Kay Clark

    You described my feelings so clearly Judy. That scared and angry feeling… wondering when things will ever return to normal but you are right. We eventually will overcome this virus and return to some kind of normal again. But for today it just feels so sad. A lot of people are getting things done around home anyway. Love you Judy.


    1. Love you, Cindy💙💙


  3. Your story is all to familiar to me . It’s a nightmare you seemed to never get over ! I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. I tell my parents everyday I never want to feel how they have felt with the loss of my brother It. Aaron Allan EOW 07/27/17 It is going on 3 years now not a day has gone by that I dont think of him or wish it would of happened different. Your son and my brother are looking down on us , keeping us safe! Stay safe we all will get through this pne day at a time ! Sincerely Ryan Allan


    1. So sorry about your brother. I’m sad to know that your parents are on this same painful journey that we’re on. 🙏🏼🙏🏼💙💙


  4. Not sure how many times or how many ways to say I’m sorry and I can’t possibly know your pain I don’t know you you don’t know me but I hurt for you when I read your beautifully written comments that paint such a clear picture of your feelings over your horrific loss. But know that You touch someone that shares your pain and sorrow and I hope with every day that passes you get just a little bit stronger. Thank you for including me and thousands of others in your struggles we pray for you and love you Donna Lindly


    1. Thanks for the encouragement and prayers, Donna. Love you💙💙


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