I feel the sadness gradually growing in my heart. I try to ignore the cloud of dread that is starting to form deep in my soul.
The empty place in my life begins to blot out the sunshine. This emptiness has a name – Davey. My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.
My May used to be centered on having fun on Mother’s Day and celebrating another successful year of marriage with my husband on our anniversary. Now it’s more about Police Week and Davey’s End of Watch Anniversary. Mother’s day is bittersweet. Our anniversary is a reminder of all my husband and I have gone through together these last 4 years……and survived.
It’s been four long years.
Four years of a level of grief I didn’t know was possible.
Four years of a growing hole in my life that is impossible to fill.
Four years of remembering and missing Davey – an awesome man, son, husband, father, friend and Police Officer.
Four years of dealing with the painful reality of all that has been lost.
Four years of figuring out how to move forward, honoring Davey’s sacrifice and his legacy.
Four years of rebuilding dreams in the void where Davey was supposed to be.
Four years without his smile.
Four years of counting on God to get me through another day without Davey.
The closer we get to May 19, the more I wish we could just skip the whole month. Especially this year. My husband and I were looking forward to going to Washington, DC for Police Week. We haven’t seen the museum yet and wanted to experience Police week now that we would not be first year survivors. For those of you who haven’t been to the memorial, this picture is of me getting a scratching of Davey’s name on the memorial wall.
We recently moved to Colorado but we were going to stop in Phoenix on the way home from Washington to spend time with family and friends and visit Davey’s spot in the cemetery on his EOW. None of that is happening.
Just more things to add to the long list of disappointments.
So we will spend May 19th doing something that Davey liked to do. We have found in the past that this helps us get through a tough anniversary. We’ll start a new tradition and focus on remembering the good times.
I’m so thankful we had 34 1/2 years of good times with Davey. No regrets.
Miss you, Davey.