And another….

and then another.

When will it stop?

As tears roll down my face, I realize the answer to that question is never.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  The immediate shock and pain of this tragedy was huge, steam-rolling through my life, smashing everything in its path.  It took months before my brain could organize thoughts again without swirling into a cloud of grief. 

My husband and I lived 1 1/2 miles from Davey’s family at the time of his death and we saw him on an almost daily basis.  He was an extreme extrovert so he was always stopping by with his son to just say hi or pick up his dad to go to the Home Depot or Best Buy.

The emptiness and darkness of each day after his death was excruciating.  The hole is my life was unbelievably tough to deal with.  God was the only thing holding me together during the tsunami of Davey’s death.  His death was so different to me from the deaths of my mother and father and oldest brother because he was always supposed to be in my life.  I was supposed to leave this earth before Davey.  His whole future was ripped away by this tragedy, leaving huge gaps in mine.

People will say that the first year after someone dies is the worst.  The first year after Davey’s death was really tough but I felt the second year was even worse because the permanence of having to live without him became a reality.  

What I didn’t know was how painful it would be to keep losing pieces of my life with Davey as time goes by.  It’s been 4 1/2 years and the losing hasn’t stopped.

This week we lost Milo who had been Davey’s dog.  After Davey’s death, Milo became a service dog at the Phoenix Police Communication Center, loving and helping people as part of Davey’s legacy. It was so great that Milo was still a part of the Blue Family in Phoenix!  And then this week he passed away.

Another piece is lost.

So painful.

It feels like losing a piece of Davey and I don’t want to lose any more pieces. 

But I know I will.  It’s inevitable.  

A couple of the things I have learned that work well for me when the grief is overwhelming and my broken heart is bleeding is to stay as close to God as I possible can.  His love and strength comforts me.  I also find that focusing on the 34 awesome years we had with Davey and remembering all the blessings I have in my life right now helps me move back into a positive place.

It helps but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts everytime I lose a piece of my life with Davey,

Miss you, Davey.

#8144loveyou