Month: February 2023

He Knew It!

He knew it was important to say it.

And he knew how it important it was to show it.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty May 18, 2016.  And he knew how important the words ‘Love you’ are.

He said these words to his squad every time he walked out to take a call.  He insisted that his squad say “Love you’ back to him and to each other, too.  Davey also said these words instead of ‘good-bye’ to everyone in his life he cared about.  He knew how unsure life is and how quickly things change. He knew that these words can easily become the last thing you get to say to each other.  And he knew that these last words can either haunt you or bring a smile to your face. 

He decided to make sure that his last words always brought a smile.

Davey knew that ‘Love you’ is not just two small words. Strong emotions are attached to them which bring hope and warmth and worth when we are separated from each other.  Sometimes that separation is a couple of hours and sometimes – like my family – we are separated for the rest of our lives here on earth.

“Love you’ has brought strength and comfort to me when I needed it most.

God tells us that “Love builds up’ in 1 Corinthians and I have been a witness to how true that is these last 6 1/2 years.

Because Davey’s ‘Love you’s’ still echo in our heads, his family and friends have adopted them as our own habit.  It has become our mantra.  We don’t leave each other without hugs and ‘Love you’s”.  And this love has built us up.

It has built me up.  “Love you” rolls through my head during the dark nights when the hole in my life where Davey should be seems too much to bear.  It gives me compassion when other people share their losses and tragedies with me.

Love has made the impossible task of moving forward after Davey’s death possible. My moving forward has recently included publishing a book on Amazon, “Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love.” This book includes the rest of my story if you’re interested.

I have found that it is hard to be angry when everyone around me is saying they love me.

It is hard to be bitter when hugs and ‘Love you’s’ are coming from all directions.

And it is hard to feel like I’m all alone when I am surrounded by love.

Love builds up.

Thank you for your legacy of love, Davey.

Miss you.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Not Just One Day

Davey made a habit of telling people he loved them and showing love to them.  He would say “love you” instead of good-bye to everyone he cared about. He was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  And he was my son.

Davey thought telling people he loved them and showing them he loved them was so important that he tried to influence those around him to also catch the ‘love you’ habit.  He was so persistent that even his squad of tough cops at work said ‘Love you’ to each other before they left the squad room.  As a result, the last words any of us that he cared about heard from him are ‘Love You’.  These words have echoed through our minds these last 6 1/2 years as we have struggled to deal with the huge hole his death left in our lives.

So, does it surprise you that Davey didn’t like Valentine’s Day?

daveydave-tony-and-carter

He thought is was a holiday made up by the card and candy manufacturers in order to make money.  He knew that telling someone you love them and showing it was not a one day each year holiday.  It should be an every day event.  So, setting aside one day a year didn’t make sense to him.  I received Valentine cards from him during his ‘make your mom a valentine card’ years at school and church but not very many after that.

What I received from Davey was so much more valuable than a card.  He gave me consistent, genuine love and attention. Those of you who are his friends and family know what I’m talking about.

He cared about us and he showed it regularly in a thousand different ways.

Every day.

Isn’t that so much more important than remembering to show our love one day a year?

Don’t get me wrong – I like Valentine’s Day.  I think giving candy and valentines to my grand darlings is fun.  I  have received many beautiful bouquets of flowers from my husband which I really enjoy – I love flowers.   

But the challenge for all of us is to figure out how to make every day Valentine’s Day for those we love.  I’m not talking about buying stuff.  I’m talking about expressing our love in words and actions every day.

I started ‘The David Glasser #8144 Love You Campaign’ on Facebook the first Christmas after Davey died.  The purpose of the page is to show love and give encouragement to Law Enforcement Officers, their families and everyone that supports the Thin Blue Line.  The group now has more than 1500 members and is growing.  Check it out!  Click on request to join if you’re interested.  You’ll also get all the latest news about the David Glasser Foundation.

There has never been a time when our law enforcement officers and their families need more love and support.  Let’s figure out how we can make every day a day they feel loved and encouraged – just like Valentine’s day.

Let’s accept the challenge of trying to make the people we care about feel special and loved every day.  Those of us who knew Davey remember how that feels.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you!

If you would like to know more about this story, check out my book, Then I Looked Up, which was just published on Amazon.

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Then I Looked Up

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens6 Comments

Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love

This is the title and subtitle of my book which is available on Amazon today!

This is the story of my journey since my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

Losing a child is the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. My life is different now. There is a hole that can never be filled.

I am not an expert on grief, but I am an expert on my personal journey of grief. It have been long. It has been tough, and it has forced me to look at my life through new eyes and make important decisions along the way. These decisions have helped me move forward.

During my son’s funeral, I discovered that David said, “love you’ to everyone he cared about instead of good-bye – even the tough cops he worked with. Since his death, many of us have adopted this habit and discovered the magic of David’s legacy of love.

I give God and David’s legacy of love the credit for the joy that has slowly returned to me. God has been my rock. As I lean on him, I have watched God reconnect the shattered pieces of my life, giving her purpose and meaning.

If you have lost a child or someone close to you, one of the most important messages that will fill your heart while reading this book is that you are not alone. It is my prayer that you will see yourself in my story and it will give you the hope that you have been searching for.

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Please pass this information on to other people you think would be interested. Thanks!

The Pain of Permanence

May 18, 2016 my world blew up – thrusting me into a dark, confusing, very sad place.  A place of grief.  A place I never wanted to go.  My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.

I have had other people very close to me die – my mother, father and older brother.

But this was not the same.  Not even close.  And I can’t even explain how much worse it has been compared to other deaths in my family.

My first year after Davey was killed was filled with a swirl of emotions.  My heart was smashed as the light Davey brought into my life disappeared.  My plans and dreams for him were ripped away.  I was smacked in the face with situations that were extremely tough.  It all hurt.  That first year was unbelievably difficult.

I was hoping the second year would be better.  People always say that the first year is the worst, don’t they?

But it wasn’t.  In the second year, I began to feel the pain of permanence.  The reality of life long-term without Davey didn’t seem possible.  But it was happening.

And it keeps happening.  I have experienced how empty his birthday feels without him 7 times. I know what Christmas and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are like without Davey.

I know the heartbreak behind the smiles when we celebrate the birthdays of his children when a very happy and proud father is missing.

There are no words to describe how awful the permanence of this situation feels.

In the months following May 18, 2016, I had no idea how my family and I would find our way back to our normal.  Now, 6 1/2 years later, I understand that we will never go back. That time, that place is gone.

My life – our life – back there is gone.

So we have to move forward – a new life, a new reality, a new normal. I’ve been writing a book about my journey of surviving Davey’s death and it’s bittersweet. The sweet part is all of the great memories I have with Davey – fun times, lots of laughs. The bitter part is all we have lost, the extreme grief, the impossible reality of living without him.

I don’t use the word ‘healing’ in relationship to the grief and loss I’ve experienced from Davey’s death because that sounds like it goes away.  I don’t think that’s a good description of this journey of survival.  Often something will happen that touches a piece of my broken heart and the tears that slide down my face are visible evidence of how much I have lost.  I’m gradually getting used to my life without Davey but this broken heart is not going away….

and it’s not invisible.

In some ways, each new year gets more difficult –

the pain of permanence.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens10 Comments

His Final Words

I am painfully reminded almost every day how short life can be.  How quickly things change – permanently.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police officer who was killed over 6 1/2 years ago.  He was doing his job just like he had done every day for 12 years.  But on May 18, 2016, his life ended.

The worst happened.

Those of us who were left behind will never be the same.  Our worlds blew up and the emotional fall-out continues.  Every time I visit Davey’s spot in the cemetery, I am reminded of  all the families whose heroes are buried in the same area and are on this painful journey with us. 

It’s a struggle.  Some of my steps moving forward really hurt.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know that the last thing Davey said to everyone that he cared about was “love you”.  He even said it to his squad members and waited until they said it back.  It has been such a blessing for us to have that last ‘love you’ echoing through our heads as we deal with the grief and loss of Davey’s death.

If you have been reading this blog, you may also know that one of the things I wish Davey had done was write me a final letter I would receive if he didn’t come home one day.  It would be something I could get out to read over and over again on the dark days when I need some encouragement.  I have now written letters to everyone who is dear to me in my life and they will receive it after I’m gone. I’m going to date them and write another one every ten years or so if I stay on this planet for a while longer.

I know Davey loved me.  He and I thought alike so we didn’t have to say a lot to communicate how we felt about each other.  Now, I would really love to have some of that written down in a letter.

So imagine my amazement when I was recently searching through our small document safe that holds our important ‘stuff’ and I found an envelope with Davey’s handwriting on the outside.  In the envelope is a list written in Davey’s handwriting.  The bottom of the page says, “Sunday School 1999.”

He was 18 years-old.

He had written what he thought his life would be like “40 years from now”.  He gave a couple of options of what he wanted as a career and one of them was ‘police officer’.  He described the woman he would marry, how many kids he wanted, and his desire to continue to grow his relationship with God and be active in a church family.

It’s amazing to me that I kept this.  It’s definitely a God-thing. I’m an anti-hoarder so I’m very selective of the things I choose to keep. The number of old things I’m willing to move and store goes down as the years progress.

I shared the list Davey had written with my husband and Kristen because this is as close to a letter as we’re going to get.

I have discovered that this list encourages me.  It reminds me of Davey and sparks great memories of how his eyes would light up when he talked about his plans and dreams.

He didn’t have 40 more years.  But reading this list makes me so grateful that we took full advantage of the 16 more years he had at the point when he wrote this.  No regrets.  We had 34 awesome years with him here on earth and that’s going to have to be enough until we see him again in heaven.

Thank you for the letter, Davey.

Miss you.

Love you!

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments