Tag: love you

It Leaves a Mark

There is a cost.

There is a commitment.

Love leaves a mark.

The cost is being more concerned about another person than you are about yourself.  What I want is not the most important thing when I love someone.

Commitment means loving this person even when they are unlovable.  Sometimes it means offering help and other times it means drawing boundaries.

Loving someone well takes a lot of energy and patience, wisdom and understanding.  Loving people well is a lot of work.  And it leaves a mark.

I have discovered that this mark doesn’t go away after someone we love dies.  This mark is permanent and never leaves us.

David Glasser, my son, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  The mark he left was an unusual kind of love.  It was an outspoken love – a love that broke down some of the walls we can set up as adults.  He said ‘love you’ often and you knew he meant it by how he included you and had fun with you and was loyal to you.  You knew there was a commitment being made when he said ‘love you”, it wasn’t just something he said.

The mark he has left is big.  It changed us. Loving each other means more hugs.  More caring.  Saying it and showing it.

The cost is giving up some of our ‘separateness’ and reaching out to people around us. The cost is taking our eyes off of ourselves long enough to see someone else that needs a hug or a hand. The cost is letting other people love us, knowing that this love will leave a mark. It’s permanent.

The commitment is not giving up even when its tough or strange or even a little weird.  Yes, weird.  If you’ve been really trying to love others, you know what I mean.  The commitment is setting love as a priority and letting other things that we always used to think were important slide down the list.

If I were to draw a picture of the mark Davey has left on us, it would not be a heart.  It would be a magic wand.  Because love has magical qualities that cannot be explained.

Love transforms us.  Love brings light into the darkness.  Love soothes pain and sadness and loneliness.

Love like this has changed my world. It can change your’s, too.

Thank you for leaving your mark of love on us, Davey.

Miss you.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Bittersweet

I would like to write a nice, ‘feel good’ blog for Mother’s Day.  But it isn’t happening.

What’s happening is a rollercoaster of bittersweet emotions on this Mother’s Day.  Some of the issue for me is the fact that my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016 – right after Mother’s Day.   The horror of that day has overshadowed my Mother’s Day ever since.  The permanent, painful changes in my life emphasize the hole in my heart – especially on this day.

The last Mother’s Day I had with Davey was just 10 days before he was shot and killed.  I was told later that he had the opportunity for some off-duty work that day but he turned it down, saying he wanted to spend the day with the ‘mothers’ in his life.  That doesn’t surprise me – that’s who he was.  He had his priorities straight.

Davey also knew I was alone that day because my husband had taken an emergency flight to Pennsylvania.  My husband’s father had just died.  Yes, my father-in-law passed away two weeks before our son was killed.  Have you ever felt the crushing impact of multiple bombs going off in your life?

When I remember that Mother’s Day, all I can think about is sitting outside at lunch with Davey.  I remember what it felt like to hang out with him – to laugh and have fun.  I remember how different my world felt with him in it.

My Mother’s Day will never be the same.  There is an important person missing.

But then I remember how thankful I am to have my daughter and four gorgeous grand darlings –  each one of them is such a blessing in my life!  When I focus on them, Mother’s Day starts to sparkle again.  All the possibilities!  All the new memories to make!  Watching my daughter as she does an awesome job being a mother to her two small children brings me joy. Watching my grand darlings grow into their own personalities and strengths is awesome.  Watching Davey’s children mature has the added joy of seeing glimpses of him as they exhibit traits they inherited from their dad.

If you have experienced the loss of a child, you know the rollercoaster that I’m describing.  Dark days and then the light shines through.  Things going smooth….until they don’t.  Several days without tears and then a day when it’s hard to stop the waterfall.

Mother’s day – it’s bitter sweet when you have lost a child.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

He’s Missing

It’s a constant issue.

Somebody is missing.

It’s a tall somebody who was always adding a lot of fun and laughs to whatever was going on.

A man of faith whose integrity and character clearly showed through the decisions he made in his life is missing.

He’s missing right this instant as November looms in front of us. My son, David Glasser’s birthday. He’s missing it …. again.

There’s a hole in our lives that will never be filled.

Sometimes people use the word ‘heal’ when they’re talking to me about Davey being killed in the line of duty and I can’t relate.  There’s a hole.  It’s not going to heal over into a scar and fade away.  Not in this lifetime.

So we’re figuring how to move forward with the hole. 

My grandson, Davey’s son, is in high school now. He was 5 when Davey was killed. Micah is doing great in school and Davey would be so proud of him. Davey loved learning and figuring things out.  He had a double major in college of Psychology and Criminal Justice.  I will never forget when he was studying juvenile delinquency – he told me that a working mother was the highest indicator that a kid would become a delinquent.   Because I had been working full-time at first getting my degree and then my career since before he was born, I thought this was very interesting.  So I asked him with a smile, “Well, what happened to you?”

That led to a in-depth conversation about how it’s not mother’s working that’s the issue – it’s the faith and values and priorities of those mothers along with the fathers that has the biggest influence on the child.

Davey told me many times how frustrated he was with the fact that many parents today use the police as the bad guys with their children.  “If you don’t behave, the police will come and arrest you.”  Really?  What happened to parents disciplining their children and parents teaching their children to respect authority and the rules?  Is it just easier to wait until they are 15 or 16 and let the police handle it?  Policemen spend a lot of time parenting kids whose parents aren’t do it.

The life of a cop. He was a great cop….and he is missed.

He was a great son and brother…and he is missed.

He was a great husband and father….and he is missed.

He was a great friend and squad member….and he is missed.

There’s always going to be a hole.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

 

 

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments