They were wrong.
I cannot tell you how many people told me “The first year is the hardest” after my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.
They were all wrong.
I had already lost my mom and my dad and my oldest brother along with all of my grandparents and all of my aunts and uncles….and yes, with those deaths, the first year was the hardest.
But it has not been true with the death of my son. The first year was the most confusing and unpredictable and foggy. But each year since then, the hole in my life has grown and all I have lost keeps accumulating as Davey continues to miss his children growing up, he misses getting to know new little members of our family, and misses Christmases and birthdays and Mother’s Days. Every year there is more.
I’m gradually getting used to the growing hole and the lengthening list of things I have lost. But it’s not easier.
I think the big difference between my older loved ones dying and Davey being killed is I had expected that there would be a time in my life where my father and mother and older brother and others would not be here. That is the correct order. It was going to happen.
But Davey was always supposed to be here. Every thought of my future included him. Pictures in my mind of me growing old all included Davey and his smile. Every future celebration, every milestone, every fun family get together and trip included Davey. Now he’s not here…….and all that I have lost grows.
So, do me a favor. Don’t tell a parent who has lost a child that the first year is the hardest.
Miss you, Davey.