A bomb exploded in my life on May 18, 2016.

My plans were made.  I was on a course for my life that had my son’s smile and laughter plastered all over it.

And then the bomb went off – sending my life onto a whole new trajectory.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on Mary 18, 2016.

That day my life was thrown onto a path I never wanted to be on.  None of my former plans fit the journey I am on now.

I know I’m not alone.  There is a large group of us who were loving life with Davey when the bomb went off.  And now we find ourselves in this other world…..which is significantly darker….and has an obvious empty space,

Don’t tell me time heals all wounds.  This mother’s heart has a hole in it which will not be healed this side of heaven.

But….

here I am……

• Putting Davey’s memorial bracelet on my wrist every morning – missing him, surprised that it’s been over four years since he was killed.  It feels like yesterday.  Except so much has changed.  Everything has changed.
• Blue has become my favorite color because it reminds me of Davey’s commitment to be a great police officer.  My house decorations are blue, a lot of my clothes are blue and I’ve changed my Christmas decorations to mainly blue.
• I’ve been retired for over 3 years and my retirement looks drastically different than I thought it was going to look 4 1/2 years ago.  It’s like I stepped into a different world, a place I would never have chosen.

And here we are….

• We cancelled our trip to Washington, DC for Police Week this year when the whole thing was cancelled.  So disappointing.  Really wanted to see the museum and spend some more time at the memorial.
• One of Davey’s buddies on his squad and I just designed a new David Glasser hat with 8144 on the front which is being sold in the store on the David Glasser Foundation website.  I love seeing people like Easton in this picture wearing Davey’s hats and shirts – remembering him and honoring him.  I consider remembering one fallen officer honors all of them so I love to see any fallen officer being remembered.

We’re on a very different path than any of us expected before May 18th, 2016.

About 6 months after Davey was killed, I was shopping and found a small plate with ‘Embrace the Journey’ written on it.  I stood in that store in front of this plate for a long time.

Thinking……………………………….

About the bomb that has gone off in my life and in the lives of so many people I love.

Thinking about the pain and the grief and the tears.

Now, 4 1/2 years later, I think about the awful road we have had to travel.  It has been uphill all the way ……. but we have traveled it together.

The last words Davey said to all of us were “Love you”.

I think about how much love has changed this journey.

We have learned a lot about loving each other in these last 4 1/2 years.  We have learned a lot about what’s really important – and what’s not.  Our hearts have grown bigger as we’ve reached out in love to the people moving forward with us on this journey.

It is definitely a journey. 

I am so glad that, standing in the store 4 years ago, I decided to Embrace the Journey.  God has placed me on this extremely tough road for a purpose.  He has walked closely beside me so far and I know he will give me strength and peace the rest of the way.

Of course I bought the dish and now I put my wedding ring and Davey’s memorial bracelet on it every night.  My wedding ring changed after Davey was killed, too.  I added blue sapphires to it.  Fallen but never forgotten.

I place my ring with its blue sapphires on this dish next to Davey’s memorial bracelet at the end of each day and consider my journey.  Some days are harder than others depending on the roller coaster of emotions the events of the day contained.  Sweet memories.  Sad losses.  One day might have many ups and downs and then the next is filled with gratitude for 34 years with Davey.  Each day I am reminded of my commitment to Embrace this Journey.

One day at a time.

Miss you, Davey.

#8144loveyou