It never used to be a tough question….but now…
it can be a difficult one to answer.
When someone who doesn’t know me asks me, “Do you have any children?” my brain now goes through a whole series of decisions. My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. So my answer to this question has drastically changed. My husband and I just moved to Denver so we are going through that ‘getting to know you’ phase with neighbors and this question automatically comes up.
“Do you have any children?” used to be my favorite question to ask and answer but now it’s become complicated. Do I want to get into the whole story? I have to get into some of it. How much of it do I want to share? I love talking about Davey but I don’t like to share a lot of details about his death with strangers. I never know which emotional buttons will be triggered and having tears roll down my face is not a great ice breaker as I’m getting to know people.
“Do you have any children?” should be an easy question to answer but it has become a difficult one for me. If my emotions are running high, I’ll just talk about my other kids and then jump into all the great things about my grand darlings. That usually distracts people and they don’t ask anything else. Some people are naturally curious and like to know details – details I don’t want to get into. So sometimes I just act like I misunderstand what they are asking and answer a different question.
I have no problem talking about Davey with people who knew him. We share stories and smile. We remember good times together. Some of the stories still bring the tears but they are good tears from great memories of an awesome person.
My heart often yearns to go back to when Davey was here. My brain knows I can’t but my heart feels the hole, the huge empty spot in my life. This is the place where my tears come from. This is the place that is often touched when I’m asked, “Do you have any children?”
Lately, I have just started answering this question like I used to – ” I have a son and a daughter.” And then I will explain my son was a Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty and my daughter lives here in Denver”. It works for me. I still have a son, he’s just in heaven right now instead of Phoenix.
Davey is still very alive in my heart so it feels good to talk about him in the present tense. He is moving forward with me – he will always be a part of my life. Nothing will ever change that.
Miss you, Davey.