It’s Invisible…

but it’s there.

It’s a cloud of grief with my son, David Glasser’s name on it.  He was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.   This cloud has hung over my life since that day.  You don’t see it or feel it.

But I do.

I have moments of silent grief when anyone I know shares that they talked to their son or went somewhere with their son.   That used to be my husband and I.  We lived 1 1/2 miles away from Davey and his family the last 5 years of his life.  We talked to him almost every day and saw him almost as much.  We were included in all of his plans for fun which were many and often.

Oh, how we miss those fun times with Davey!

I have an Officer Down Memorial Page ap on my phone which notifies me whenever another officer is killed in the line of duty. That notification gives me moments of silent grief for the family, friends and coworkers who are now experiencing the same nightmare we did 6 years ago. It brings back the memories of the shock and disbelief of those first few weeks….and months…..and years. So I pray for them because God has been my Rock since this bomb with all it’s repercussions hit my life.

God is the only thing that didn’t shake in my life when Davey was killed.

I have moments of silent grief when anything negative about Police Officers comes onto the television.  Any disrespect or dishonor exhibited for Police Officers is very personal to me.  It feels like disrespect and dishonor for Davey’s bravery and commitment in serving and protecting his community.

Davey gave his life for the people in his city.

I have moments of silent grief whenever I do something Davey used to do.  Even something as simple as cooking beer brats takes me back to Davey’s kitchen as I watched him make a big pot of brats for all of the friends and family that he was inviting over that day. 

Davey loved people so he found lots of reasons to invite people to his house to have a good time.

There are many moments of silent grief when I watch Davey’s son and daughter playing sports.  His son, Micah, wears Davey’s number on his jersey whenever he can get it. Davey would have been right in the middle of it all, coaching them and showing them how proud he was of them.

He was such a great dad!

I have moments of silent grief whenever I see someone receiving a folded flag.  We have a folded flag in our house and we know all about the pain and loss that comes with it.

I have moments silent grief whenever I’m around Davey’s friends and squad members.  It’s great to be together and the love and support we have for one another makes a difference … but the hole he left in our lives is so big.

People have asked me if memorials like Police week are hard and I always say they are bittersweet. It’s feels right and good for us to remember and honor our fallen heroes but these memorials definitely shine a spotlight on the hole in my life.

What’s really hard is living every day without Davey. That’s the worst.

If you have experienced a tragedy like mine, you understand.  If you haven’t, I hope you never know what this cloud of grief feels like.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

4 responses to “It’s Invisible…”

  1. I always cry and my heart feels heavy after I read your blogs but tonight it feels especially heavy as I know this is the approaching day of Davey’s 6th Anniversary of his death. I feel so sad for you and your family Judy. But I am so thankful that God is in your Life and will never leave you. Davey is with you in Spirit and we have to cling to that Thought at all times. Please know I think of you so many times but especially this month. You are not invisible. This hurt will never leave you. Love you!

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  2. My God Judy this sounds like a page out of my life . I can relate to “everything “ you have stated . I know this pain & an rocked to my very core every time I hear we have lost yet another Officer . I continue to pray daily for all who have lost their love one . May God bless you & the strength you have been given to continue to get the word out . But mostly keeping Davey & all that he did in the light . I truly believe you , us we can make a difference by just letting ppl know just how this nightmare effects so many ppl . Your & our loss was only one year apart ( we lost Kirk in 2018 ) on that day I lost a part of my heart & keep hoping every year the pain just won’t be so deep . Well I know you know the answer to this . All said I do want to give others hope & let them know they are not alone nor will they ever. I am so saddened by your loss , but so blessed that I have found you . You give me hope & keep Davey’s life alive as it should be .as all our Officers lives should be . God bless you and your family . From the bottom of my heart thank you for all you do . I have been so blessed to have found you & now in a small way your a part of my life ….. 🙏🏻💙❤️💛🙏🏻

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    • Thank you for your encouragement, Janice. As you can imagine, putting my feelings in writing is not easy and not without it’s own pain. But if I can help anyone else who is on this hard road of surviving the death of their child, it’s worth it. Love you!

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