Author: Judy Glasser

Life is a journey. Sometimes I'm coasting downhill and, other times, its a tough road uphill. My journey has been straight uphill since May 19, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer was killed in the line of duty. When my life and dreams blew apart, I only had one option - to hold on tightly to my Rock, my Father God. I have a new understanding of just how short life is and how important it is to take loving each other seriously. God is love and all love comes from him. I have seen love do supernatural things since my son was killed. I have published a book, "Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love." about my tough and painful journey since my son was killed. You can order it from Amazon or you can get an autographed copy by contacting me on messenger. I am sharing some of my experiences as a survivor of a line of duty death in MYFAMILYBLEEDSBLUE.COM. Please feel free to share these blogs with anyone you know who might find them helpful. My other blog - JOURNEYTOWARDSTHETRUTH.COM - has been a work of love for many years as I read through the Chronological Daily Bible each year and share what I hear from God when he stops me. I am inviting you to come along on one or both of my journeys. Please share as often as you'd like. Thanks so much for reading!

The Hard Truth

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

I love all the blessings God has showered down on me. I cherish all of the great people God has brought into my life. I appreciate all the awesome things God has given me to enjoy on this earth.

It’s so easy to be happy and praise God when I focus on all of the good things in my life.

But how do I react when something bad happens in my life? The book of Job in the Bible is a great one to study when devastation shakes up our world.

After Satan kills all of Job’s children, Job responds with “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away: may the name of the LORD be praised.” Job 1:21 – 22.

Hard, hard truth. All of us at sometime experience ‘the LORD gave and the LORD has taken away’ part of this truth. I didn’t know how horrible this could be until my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016. God gave me Davey for 34 1/2 precious years….

and then God took him away.

A tragedy. A huge loss that filled my world with grief and pain. It has been a tsunami that continues to smash dreams I had and crush hopes of what my future with Davey in my life was going to look like.

I don’t like it. I don’t understand it. God and I have had many conversations about it and I have come to one conclusion.

I submit. I submit to God’s will. I submit to his purpose. I will never like it, and I probably will never understand it. So I submit.

God is perfect. He is good, all the time. He wants the best for me. He is working all things out for my good. When I filter all of my circumstances through these truths, God gives me peace and the strength to face a future here on earth without Davey.

The LORD gives and he takes away.

May the name of the LORD be praised.

I Changed My Mind

Now I want to go back.

In the past, whenever I would be talking with people who were saying that they’d like to go back to being 16 or 21 or 39, I would always say I didn’t want to go back.  Each age has its benefits and trials.  Each phase of my life has had its rewards and challenges.  I have never wanted to go back to redo or un-do things.

But I have changed my mind  Now I want to go back – to any time before Davey was killed.   I would go through all the pain and grief since May 18, 2016 when he was killed in the line of duty again if I could go back to relive my last hour with Davey.  Or just the last 10 minutes.  It would be worth it to see his smile one more time. 

I just want to hear him laugh.

This picture of Davey was taken at his home about a month before he was killed.  I am so glad we took a bunch of family photos with him that day – they are all extremely precious to me. 

When I got to his house that day, he had on some old, ragged, weird-colored clothes and he casually mentioned he was ready for the pictures.  He knew I always tried to do a little color coordinating when we took family photos and he probably put on his crazy clothes just to get a response from me.  I’ll never forget –  I gave him my ‘mom look’ and he laughed.  I knew he was joking so I didn’t have to say anything.  He changed his clothes without another word said – I’m sure he had it all planned what he was really going to wear.  He just liked to joke around and have fun. 

I really miss that.

I want to go back.  I would not  un-do anything – I just want to do it again.

But I know I can’t go back.  And in a group of people who are talking about going back, I probably wouldn’t bring this up because it hits the empty hole in my heart.  The hole that hurts.  The hole that makes it hard to smile sometimes.  It’s the hole that aches as I watch his children play sports – he would have been so proud of them.  He would have been spending a lot of time practicing with them and helping them improve – he was a great coach.

It’s the hole that aches on his birthday, his children’s birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving – any time that families get together. He’s missing. He will always be missing.

My head knows I can’t go back but my heart wants to.

My head knows that the only direction I can go is forward. 

Seeing all of the good things happening with the David Glasser Foundation as it continues Davey’s legacy of love has made moving forward easier.  Witnessing the great things taking place through the efforts of everyone who volunteers for the foundation and supports the foundation brings a purpose and light into my life.  Seeing kids’ lives being positively changed because of the work of the foundation brings joy.

Watching God pick up the pieces of my shattered life and put them together in new and interesting ways has made struggling to move forward worth it. God has a purpose for it all and a plan to make something good come out of the devastation Davey’s death caused in my life. Moving forward with my eyes focused on God is the only way I’m going to see that plan happen.

But I would still go back…

in a heartbeat.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens6 Comments

He’s Not Here…

but he’s not gone.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

He’s not here but he continues to live on in the lives of the people he touched.  And he touched a lot of people.

Davey loved people.  He loved talking to people and people were drawn to him because of it.  He was a collector of friends and he had a lot of them – from all over the city.  I’ve seen him get in a long line at the concession stand at one of the many sports games he attended and, by the time he got up to the order window, he had made a new friend of the guy in front of him or in back of him in line.  That guy would show up at the next Cardinal’s tailgate party and be automatically accepted into the crowd of Davey’s buddies.

Davey’s love and acceptance changed us.  We belonged when we were with him.  It was a special gift he had that sprang from his general love for people.

His influence on our lives is far from gone.  His “love you’ echoes in our ears, reminding us to love others every day of our lives – even people we don’t know.  I love this picture of a sign someone made –

It has been challenging me to figure out how show more love to people I don’t know –

On freeways – letting cars enter ahead of me even if I have to slow down to make that happen.

Grocery stores –  checking the people behind me to see if they have significantly less items that I do so I can let them go ahead of me.  I’ve also started letting moms with a ton of kids go ahead of me knowing that waiting in line with all those kids is not a fun thing to do.

Doors – I’ve become more aware of people behind me going in and out of doors so I can hold the door for them.

Smiles – I make sure to say ‘hi” to people who are looking at me as we pass. Maybe that little bit of recognition will bring some light into their world today.

Prayers – I pray for people I pass whose cars are broken down on the side of road.  I pray for the police officers and people involved when I see an accident.  I pray for the people who are in the ambulance with its lights on as it passes me.

This world can be a very lonely place.  I live in a 55+ community where I know some of the people I meet in the morning as I walk my dog, Bella, have lost their significant other.  After their walk, they go home to a very quiet place where they miss the joy and companionship they used to have.  So I always smile and wave and say good morning. It may just be the small spark of “I see you” that person needs. 

Many of the people in my community have the habit of waving at everyone. As you walk by, as you drive by – they throw up a wave. At first this seems like a strange thing in this world where people don’t even look at each other but then it begins to feel good, like ‘you are included’. You are part of this community, so you get a wave, even when they don’t actually know you. And so you start waving back. I like it! If you want to start showing love and care to people you don’t know in your neighborhood, start waving at them….and watch them start to wave back.

As a police officer, Davey showed love and care for people he didn’t know all day, every day.  This is what police officers do.  Davey also did this in his personal life, role-modeling for us how to love people even when we don’t know them.

Davey’s not here, but he’s not gone.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens8 Comments

Don’t Say It

Death.  Loss.  Serious illness.  Tragedy.

When it happens to someone we know, we often don’t know what to say.   We need to say something – it has to be acknowledged or it feels really wrong – the elephant in the room.

We should think about what we’re going to say ahead of time.

I know.  Many people have said weird or not-helpful things while trying to be nice to me since my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

When tragedy blew my life apart, many of the people I spoke to afterwards would say ‘So sorry for your loss.”  I used to think that this sounded unoriginal and trite but, after experiencing some of the other things people say, I realize it’s a good option.  When you say this, you are recognizing my loss and sharing an emotion.   I say it myself now.   Actually, I often just say “I’m so sorry” to someone who has just had a loss or tragedy.  They know what I’m referring to – it’s all they can think about. If I knew the person who died, I also add a short, personal memory. Those are great if they are quick and positive.

There are other things people say which actually hurt – they poked at my bruises. Now, 6 years later, none of these bother me. But, early on, saying things like these often made my dark day worse:

“There’s always a reason.”  Really?   Am I supposed to be glad he’s gone because there’s ‘a reason’?  I should stop crying because this is supposed to make me feel better?

“Time heals all wounds.” Really?  All of this pain and grief is going to go away?   It’s going to turn into a scar that doesn’t hurt anymore?  I  don’t think so.

“He’s in a better place.”  My head knows that.  My heart has been shattered into a million pieces and it aches a little bit more when you remind me that he’s not here with us, with me.

What should we say?

The best advice I have read is in the Bible – Romans 12:15 –

“Weep with those who weep”.

Weep with us.

Weep with me.

Let your heart break for those who are heart-broken.

Hold tightly onto anyone is who is lost in pain and grief.

Give us grace when we are not gracious.

Forgive us when the anger boils over.

Be patient with us when our frustration shows.

Understand that it’s hard to focus sometimes when the emptiness is overwhelming.

Don’t ask us to let you know if there’s anything you can do – if there’s something you want to do, just do it.

Don’t tell us about a different tragedy – your’s or someone else’s.  We are struggling to deal with our own.

Don’t give us advice unless we ask for it.

You really don’t have to say much.

Just love us unconditionally, no matter how we respond.

And weep with us.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

He’s Missing

It’s a constant issue.

Somebody is missing.

A tall somebody who was always adding a lot of fun and laughs to whatever was going on – he’s no longer here.

A man of faith whose integrity and character clearly showed through the decisions he made in his life – he’s missing.

There’s a hole in our lives that will never be filled.

Sometimes people use the word ‘healing’ when they’re talking to me about the death of my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police officer killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

I can’t relate to the word ‘healing’.  There’s a hole. After 6 years I have realized there is always going to be a hole.  It’s not going to ‘heal’ over into a scar and fade away.  Not in this lifetime. Not on this side of heaven.

Yesterday, I talked to my oldest grand darlings, Davey’s son and daughter, about going back to school again after their summer break and I couldn’t help thinking about how proud Davey would have been of how well they are both doing in school.  He loved learning – he was a fast thinker and very strategic.  He had a double major in college of Psychology and Criminal Justice.

 I will never forget a conversation we had when he was studying juvenile delinquency. He told me that a working mother was the highest indicator that a kid would become a juvenile delinquent.   Because I had been working full-time getting my Bachelor’s degree and then going right into my career since before he was born, I thought this was very interesting.

 So I asked him with a smile, “Well, what happened to you?”

That led to a in-depth discussion about how it’s not the mother’s working that’s the issue – it’s the values and faith and priorities of those mothers along with the fathers that has the biggest influence on the success of a child.

Davey told me many times how frustrated he was with the fact that many parents today use the police as the bad guys with their children.  

“If you don’t behave, the police will come and arrest you.”

 Really?  What happened to parents disciplining their own children and teaching their children to respect authority and the rules?  Is it just easier to wait until they are 15 or 16 years-old and let the police handle it?  

Policemen spend a lot of time parenting kids whose parents don’t do it.

The life of a cop.

He was a great cop….and he is missed.

He was a great son and brother…and he is missed.

He was a great husband and father….and he is missed.

He was a great friend and coworker….and he is missed.

There’s always going to be a 6’5″ hole in my life.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

What’s Under It?

May 18, 2016 seemed just like any other day.

And then I received the call that my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, had been shot.  Before the night ended, he was gone.

I felt like the rug of my life was completely pulled out from under my feet.  Nothing was what it was before.  My husband and I lived a mile away from Davey and his family and Davey was my husband’s best friend so there was daily interactions and conversations.

But now Davey was gone.

And the ‘rug’ was gone.

The ‘rug’ includes all of the material and superficial stuff in my life – the things that seemed to matter so much until I was hit with this tragedy.  When something horrible like this happens, none of that means anything anymore.  It’s all very trivial.

The ‘rug’  was not going to help me survive. The ‘rug’ was not important enough to get me out of bed in the morning after Davey died.  All of that ‘stuff’ was not motivating enough to make me to look up out of my grief and try to move forward.

When the ‘rug’ is gone, it exposes what is under it.

What is really important?

What’s left?

What do I say and how do I act when my whole world is shaking and crumbling around me?  What kind of character have I developed?

The real question is – how solid is the foundation under the ‘rug’?  What have I  been building my life on?

If you’ve experienced a tragedy in your life, you have had no choice – you had to answer these questions.  All of the people who love someone whose name is on the National Peace Officer Memorial in Washington, DC (below) have had to answer these questions.   

I have had to answer these questions.

The good news is that my foundation held.  It didn’t crack – it never shook.

My life is built on a relationship with my Father God who was and is and will always be.  He never leaves my side.  He fills my soul with his perfect love, giving me peace and strength for each day of this very tough journey of surviving the death of a child. 

God has already won the war that is being waged here on earth.  We know how this story ends.

But I still have a purpose to complete – a piece of his plan to accomplish.  And then he will take me home – where Davey is.

The ‘rug’ disappeared but God never moved.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Exiled

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You may heard this famous verse from Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 29:11.

What an awesome promise!  We love to print it on plaques and hang it on our walls.

But did you realize that this promise was originally made to the Israelites who had been exiled by God to Babylon?  God let the King of Babylon capture Jerusalem and take the Israelites away from their homes.  Right before his promise concerning his good plans for them, God told Israel through Jeremiah that they would be in exile for 70 years.

70 years.

This meant that many of them would die in Babylon – never going back to Jerusalem. The Israelites had been ripped away from the homes they had expected to live in for the rest of their lives.  They were now living in a foreign land – exiled – and many of them would die far from their home in Jerusalem.

Do you ever feel like you have been exiled?

I have.

I do.

The life I expected to live was suddenly snatched away from me when my son, David Glasser, was killed in the line of duty six years ago.  My world has changed so drastically that sometimes it feels like I am now living in a foreign land.  I’m exiled far from what I thought the rest of my life was going to look like before Davey died.

And today, God is saying to me – and maybe to you – that I will continue to live in this foreign place until he comes to take me home.  While I’m here, he has plans for me.  He is giving me hope and a purpose.

After his initial famous promise in Jeremiah, God gives us more promises.  He tells us that when we pray, he will listen.  When we diligently look for him, we will find him.

I know God always keeps his promises – that’s a fact.  I have discovered that reading his Word, absorbing what he is saying to me and growing my trust in him gives me the strength and peace I need for each day as I live out the rest of my days…

here in exile.

Left Behind

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

It’s hard.

Very tough.

When someone you love dies, the emotions are strong, the grief is heavy and the loss is extremely painful.  After losing my son, my mom and dad, my oldest brother, along with all of my grandparents and all of my aunts and uncles as well as some friends, I feel like I’ve experienced a lot of death.

Each one is different.  Each relationship is different. 

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty 6 years ago. His death has been the most difficult for me – by far.  I think one of the things that makes this loss so huge is how young he was – he was only 34 years-old.  We lost so much of his life.  I can’t imagine any death being more difficult that his.

Davey loved God, he loved his family and friends and he loved the city he served and protected. He lived life to its fullest, sharing his faith regularly and he left a legacy of love to those of us who have been left behind.

So I’m very interested when God starts talking about why the righteous die in Isaiah 57:

“No one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.” verse 1.

I believe that everything God says is true.  He knows the future and sometimes he chooses to spare his children from bad and evil things that would happen to them if they stayed on earth.  I believe that Davey completed his purpose on earth so God took him home.  No more evil will be done to him.

God sees our death on earth as a reward because, as believers, we get to go home to be with him. “Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.” vs 2.

Their bodies remain here on earth but their souls are free and filled with joy as they walk hand-in-hand with Jesus into heaven.

Those of us here on earth who have put our faith in Jesus will experience this joy as well someday. Today we may be travelling down a very difficult road but we have hope because we know how our journey on earth ends.

Thank you for the truth in your word, Abba Father.  Please comfort those of us who are left behind.

So Quickly

In a second……

everything permanently changes.

There are so many reminders happening all around us every day of how quickly life ends – accidents and sudden medical events and violence. I can’t help thinking about the family, friends and co-workers who are being left behind.   Because that’s my story – left behind.  Every idea of what I thought my future was to going to be has literally crashed and burned.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed – in a second –  in the line of duty.  May 18, 2016 – a date seared into my soul.   When I hear the news of the latest tragedy, I find myself visiting that deep, dark place of pain, grief and loss once again.

I don’t know the specifics of other people’s situations, but I know the feelings.  I know the searing pain as reality reaches out to grab us through the sudden fog in our brains.  I know the hope each morning that it was all just a nightmare.  I know the constant reminders of all that has been lost.  I know the swirling.  I know the emptiness.

If you’ve experienced this kind of tragedy, you know it, too.

The good news is that God has helped me learn how to just visit that dark place.  I’m not stuck there.  I can feel it, recognize it, pray for those that have joined me on this road of recreating what my future looks like but I’m not staying in yesterday.  God has a purpose for leaving me here and that’s what I need to focus on.  I can’t focus on all I have lost…..there’s too much.  It’s too big.  It’s so painful.

These days I am often reminded again how short life is. My husband, Dave, recently experienced a life-threatening event with his heart. They ‘called a code’ on him in the emergency room. He’s in rehabilitation after surgery now and is going to be fine.

Wow – once again,  I am reminded how precious life is.  I am reminded how quickly people can be gone.  I’m reminded of how quickly I could be gone.

I am reminded of some of the game-changing things I have learned since Davey left us –

Life is short – forgive others, love others, cherish your time with them.  Always put God and people before ‘stuff’ and money.

No regrets – go, see, do.  Don’t put things off.  Deal with the conflict with people in your life positively or let it go.  Don’t stop talking to people when you’re mad at them – you may never get another chance to say ‘love you”.

Love is the answer – Love has a magical quality that comes straight from God.  Love first and worry about all the other stuff later.  Our lives will be empty unless we fill them with love.  We don’t want to miss the chances we have to love others and add something meaningful to their lives.

Davey had it so right when he made sure the last thing he said to anyone he cared about was ‘love you’.  It’s now years later and we are all still blessed by his last words to us as they echo through our hearts and minds.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

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Dream Snatcher

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It’s been over 6 years since my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer was killed in the line of duty.

And we have great memories of our lives with him.  We laughed, we played and we travelled.  We watched Davey play a lot of sports and we went to many games of all kinds in all different cities with him.

So many memories that bring big smiles to our faces.

But all of our dreams for the future with Davey have been snatched away.

Dreams of Davey coaching his son and daughter in baseball, basketball, volleyball and every other sport there is.

Dreams of Davey retiring from the police force and figuring out what he was going to do next.

Dreams of Davey and his, wife, Kristen, growing old together.  They were married young so we talked about them the possibility of them celebrating their 70th wedding anniversary.

Dreams of Davey and his son, Micah, playing a mean game of one-on-one basketball as Micah grew taller and taller, eventually passing up Davey. I know that was Davey’s dream when he built a basketball court in his back yard.

Dreams of Davey walking his beautiful daughter, Eden, down the aisle.

It’s 6 years later and one of the hardest parts of surviving this tough, tough, journey is all of the dreams that have been snatched away.

All of the great times and fun with Davey that will never be.

We are so grateful for all of the awesome memories we have.

But will be no more new memories with him.

That’s a very painful reality to deal with.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.