I have a lot of great memories of Davey.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  He lived his life large and full-out – creating a lot of great memories along the way.

He is no longer here….but those good times have not gone away.  They still live in the hearts and minds of everyone who loved him.

I am often reminded of Davey as I go through my days.  When my husband starts talking about sports with Micah, Davey’s son, my mind flashes back to memories of my husband and Davey talking sports – many unending conversations about all kinds of sports.  Davey knew all kinds of stats and kept up on trades and names and all the latest.  Four years ago when Micah was 7 years-old, I was watching a Diamondbacks game with him when a player hit a homerun.  Micah immediately said, “That’s his 20th homerun this year.”  Right after he said this, the announcer on the TV said, “That’s his 20th homerun this year.”

You remind me of…..

My grandson looks a lot like Davey – tall and lean – so I often think I see a young Davey out of the corner of my eye when it’s really Micah.  He also acts like Davey – making fun of everyday things and always ready to dance a little or sing a little if it’s going to add some fun into his life.  I was in Phoenix this week watching Micah pitch in his baseball game and one of the mothers plays music when the teams are changing places on the field.  One of Micah’s favorite songs came on and he did a little dance on the mound as he waited for the catcher to get into position.

You remind me of…..

We travelled as a family to a lot of different places as Davey grew up and got into the habit of always looking for a baseball, basketball or football game to go to in the city we were visiting.  Davey continued to travel as an adult and there was usually ‘a game’ involved – where ever he went.  We visited our daughter, Katie, in Denver just a month after Davey was killed and one of her first questions to my husband was, “Do you want to go to a Rockies game?”

You remind me of …

A woman in my Thursday morning Bible study group shared that she had bought a Bible suited for her grandson so he could start reading the Bible stories and understand the truths included in them.  My mind instantly wandered to all the hours my husband and I spent reading the Bible stories to our children before they went to bed every night.  I’ve had several people tell me they were amazed by Davey at church camp, Sunday school and Vacation Bible school – he knew the answer to every question.

You remind me of…..

My husband and I regularly have the chance to get together with various members of Davey’s squad family.  As his squad members talk about their jobs and what they are doing now, I am once again impressed by the dedication and the commitment it takes to do what they do. Their courage and perseverance in making Phoenix a better place to live helps me remember how proud I am that Davey was and still is a part of what is right and good and honorable in my world.

You remind me of….

These awesome memories swirl through my mind, creating smiles as tears run down my face.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

He was there when my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, went to work on May 18, 2016.

It felt like just another day.

God was there when Davey took his last call.

It seemed like just another call.

God was there when Davey stepped out of the police car and a bullet ripped off the back of his head.

This can’t possibly be happening.

He was there when responding bullets eliminated the evil that was shooting the gun.

So no one else was hurt.

He was there while Davey’s squad members protected and cared for Davey as his blood spilled out onto the pavement.

The well-trained officers responded quickly even as their hearts were breaking.

God was there when the police and firemen revived Davey’s body and took him to the hospital.

They did everything they could…. and more.

God was there, right beside me, when I received that call telling me Davey had been shot.  He was beside each of us as we received that call. It’s a call we’ll never forget.

It haunts my dreams.

He was there beside each of us as we each made our way to the hospital through a sudden, dark fog.

 It can’t be true.

God heard my terrified cries followed by urgent prayers for a miracle as the news and the night unfolded.

He heard and he cared.

He provided family, friends, our Blue family, doctors, nurses, and a chaplain to help all of us hold together as we entered hell.

It felt like a journey into hell but I know hell is worse because God is not there.

God walked the corridors with us as we cried and prayed.  The halls of the hospital were lined with people crying and praying.  Several waiting rooms were packed full of people crying and praying.

He heard and he cared.

He wrapped his arms around us as the long night dragged on and Davey’s brainwaves gradually………disappeared.

This can’t be true.

The night finally ended and the sun rose once again.

I was still alive.

The rest of us were still alive.

Together, we were going to have to figure out how to go on without Davey.

Impossible.

It’s impossible to go on without Davey.

But what felt impossible on that day, God has made possible.  He has been there through everything, loving us and giving us strength.  He has heard every prayer and He has held us each time we have cried.

And He has given us a purpose for going on.

He was there.

And He is here – making the impossible possible.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

The question is not ‘if’ something bad is going to happen to us.  The right question is ‘when’.  Because something bad is going to happen sometime in our future.

Failure, separation, broken relationships.

Disease, accidents, illness, pain, death.

It’s going to happen.  And most of the time it will happen when we least expect it.

A very close friend of mine received a huge shock several years ago when her beautiful daughter-in-law didn’t wake up one morning.  33 years-old.  And she didn’t wake up.

She was fine the day before.

She leaves behind a husband, a young son, and a large number of family and friends who never expected something like this to happen.

Many times there is no warning.  I was on my normal commute home from work when I got the call that my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, had been shot in the line of duty.  He died that day. My world crumbled into painful ashes on that day.

It’s not ‘if’, the question is ‘when’.

So do we live our lives with a cloud of worry and fear over our heads just waiting for the next ax to fall?  Or do we ignore the inevitable and deal with it when it happens?

Neither of those sound like a good option to me.  The tragedy that blew my life apart is not going to cause me to spend the rest of my life focused on dreading the next bad thing.  But I’m also not going to pretend that there are no more hard times coming.

I have chosen to try to find a balance somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.  I am working on growing my faith – getting closer to God.  God has been my anchor through this storm of grief and loss these last 5 1/2 years.   I am also trying to grow my resilience in the face of adversity – defining and strengthening the process I use when bad things happen.  Because they are going to happen.

I tend to lean more in the positive direction than the negative – life is more good than bad.  I like to focus on good things – they make the struggle all worth it.

And I have learned a lot about love since Davey was killed.  When we show love to those around us – even when we don’t know them – it really does matter.  Each expression of love, every hand that reaches out, any show of kindness and love – it all matters.  Davey taking time out of his schedule packed with family and career to fly across the country to celebrate his step-grandfather’s 90th birthday and putting his arm around Merle for a picture matters – especially when 90 was the last birthday his step-grandfather celebrated.

It’s all worth the effort.  When we love each other, we’re on the right track.

Because it’s not a question of ‘if’ something bad is going to happen to us.  The right question is ‘when’.

Loving each other helps when the worst happens.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

It’s a good feeling.

No regrets.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who went to work on May 18, 2016 and he never came home.  He was killed in an attempted robbery.

We have a lot of tears.

A huge amount of lost dreams.

A big hole in our lives.

But no regrets.

Davey lived life to its fullest and, as a result, those of us around him were also caught up in his whirlwind of a good time.  He was always planning the next poker party, the next BBQ, the next Fantasy draft and the next trip.  We knew we could count on him to provide the spark – something fun was on its way.

We all got used to saying ‘yes’ to whatever he was planning because we couldn’t say no – then we’d miss the fun!  We also got used to helping him do whatever he wanted to do because it was going to be good.

Now we are so thankful for all those great memories.  And we have a ton of them!  Our calendar was full of good times with Davey – we have no regrets about things we should have, could have, or would have done.   None of us knew how short our time was going to be with him.

None of us ever know.

Early on as a family, we learned to keep short accounts.  If something major was going on, we talked about it.  If something wasn’t a big deal, we forgot about it.  Let it go. That way we weren’t hanging on to anger and hurt feelings.

There’s a reason why God tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger.  Because – sometimes – the sun goes down and the person we’re angry with never comes home again.

Accidents.

Heart attacks.

Aneurysms.

Blood Clots.

Getting shot.

For whatever reason, the person you are mad at doesn’t come home…

and you are left with regrets.

That doesn’t have to happen.

Davey knew that some situations he got into as a Police Officer brought him dangerously close to never coming home again.  It was very important to him that the people he cared about knew that he loved them.  So the last thing he always said to us was ‘Love you’.

The very last thing he said to all of us was ‘Love you’.

And we said ‘love you’ back to him.

No regrets.

Just awesome memories of a very special person who we miss each day.

Love you, Davey.

Miss you

The gift of clarity.

My world blew up on May 18, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.  My hopes and dreams crumbled into a pile of painful pieces and everything changed.

Nothing has been the same since that day.  So much grief, so many tears, such a huge hole.

But, as so many things were lost and stripped away, one thing became crystal clear.

My time on earth is very short.  I am not guaranteed tomorrow.  The people I love may not be here tomorrow.

I need to have my priorities straight.  I need to understand what is most important and make sure I’m living to make the most of each day.

The gift of clarity.

God comes first.  He is my Rock and his love for me is the only thing that didn’t shake on May 18, 2016.  He has been my constant companion as hurt and questions and change have swirled around in my life over these last 5 1/2 years.  I don’t need to understand, I just need to trust him.  He’s got this.

Next –  loving other people.  God tells us to love him and to love others for a reason.  God and people are the only things that really count.  All the other things – money, success, houses, stuff – is temporary and just not that important.   People are important.

Love is important.  Davey’s legacy of ‘Love you’ has drastically changed my life these last  5 1/2 years – saying it to others and having it said to me.  Before Davey’s death my ‘love you’s’ were reserved for only those closest to me.  After his death, I realized that its important to love all of the people around me and they need to hear to it.  So I speak love a thousand times more I ever did before.  I say it and write it to crowds of people who would have never heard those words from me.  And I mean it.  I want the best for you.  I care about you.  I want to contribute to the love in your world because you’re important.

Hearing ‘love you’ from so many of you has been a game-changer for me.  I didn’t realize how much of a difference it  made even in that first year after Davey’s death until I went to Washington, DC for Police Week  in 2017 and met with a group of other mothers who had all lost their police officer sons in the line of duty in 2016.  We had all experienced the grief and pain of losing a child suddenly, tragically.   But I never experienced the dark and hostile place filled with anger and bitterness that some of the mothers were in.  I’m very glad about that – I was very sorry to see them stuck there.  I give thanks to God for helping me avoid that negativity and I also give a lot of credit to ‘Love you”.

It’s hard to be negative when you’re surrounded by love.

It’s hard to be angry when people all around you are telling you they love you.

It’s hard to be bitter when you’re focused on loving others and being loved in return.

I am so grateful that Davey gave us ‘Love you”.  It’s a God thing – God knew it would help us not only survive these last 5 1/2 years but also thrive.  We have loved each other well and it has changed everything.

The gift of clarity.

What is important?

What should I spend my time doing?

What should I spend my money doing?

I am sharing this gift of clarity with you today because today may be my last day.  It may be your’s.

Let’s spend it wisely.

Love you!

Normally I am not a screamer.

But on this day, I screamed.  And I didn’t stop for a long time.

It was several months after my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty.  I remember sitting, staring off into the distance with my mind swirling with pain and grief and anger and confusion.  I don’t know how long I sat there but I know I gradually realized that I had been sitting there a significant amount of time.  And I didn’t feel like what I was doing was helping me deal with my shattered life and my broken heart.

So I thought about an article on grief that I had wanted to read and I eventually found it in a pile.  I am usually an organized person but those months right after Davey died were the most unorganized months of my life.  Nothing seemed to fit anywhere anymore so everything went into a pile.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you the title of this article or the author or where I found it.  This just shows you how well my brain was functioning back then.

One of the suggestions in the article for dealing with extreme grief was to try screaming.  After surviving a tragedy, we often have a lot of emotions that we keep all bottled up inside of us because everyone around us is also hurting and we don’t want to add to their struggle.

So we keep it inside where it fills us with pain, roars in our ears and keeps us awake at night.

The article suggested that screaming might help me get out my emotions and feel better.  I was ready to try just about anything.

They mentioned finding a time when I was alone – for obvious reasons.  I also needed to find a place where I could scream and not end up with the neighbors calling the cops.

Wow- I definitely needed to avoid that scenario.

I went in my closet but it was too small.  Don’t ask my why but I wanted to lay face down somewhere and scream into the floor.

So I laid down on the living room rug, closed my eyes and started screaming.  And I kept screaming.  I had the biggest pity party of my life – screaming my head of as I went through every negative and painful thought and feeling that was rolling around in my head.

I screamed a long time.  When I finally stopped I was exhausted and I had a sore throat.

And I felt lighter.  It felt good.

I got up on the couch and decided that this needed to be a turning point for me.  From then on, I was going to focus on life, not death.  From then on, I was going to be grateful for all I had while Davey was alive and all I still had.  My life was not going to be about what I had lost.

Davey was gone but, for some reason, I was still here.  So I needed to figure out what purpose God still had for me here and do it.

I have cried a million tears between then and now but no more screaming.  The swirling in my head gradually stopped, the stuff in the piles around my house found their place and I am slowly getting used to the hole – some days are harder than others.

I am so extremely grateful for the 34 years we had Davey.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

He had the heart of a warrior and

somewhere –

his heart is still beating.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  He was an organ donor.

Davey was only 34 years-old and in excellent physical condition when he was killed by a shot to his head.  He was able to donate all of his organs and his eyes and his skin.

The actual process of him donating wasn’t easy for me emotionally.  It was hard to say goodbye and walk out of the hospital when drugs were still making his heart beat and machines were making his lungs breath.  But there was no other option.  Davey wanted to be an organ donor so it happened.

As a result, a whole crowd of people are still walking on this earth because they received Davey’s life-giving donations.

And someone got the Heart of a Warrior.

It’s still beating.

This heart beats for justice.

It beats for integrity and honor.

It beats for courage and personal sacrifice.

And it beats strongly for loving God and loving each other.

I believe that each of us has our own Warrior’s Heart.  God gives us things we are passionate about – things that make our hearts beat faster.  We’re all different so these passions are different as well.

The issues that we really care about are the areas where we are supposed to stand up and do something helpful, something positive.

How do I make a difference in this world?

How do you make a difference?

One very easy way we can make a difference is sign up to be an organ donor like Davey.  I’ve done that. Have you?  Members of my family have received organs from other donors so we know what a huge blessing it is to people and their families.

Other ways to make a difference aren’t as easy but we need to figure out how to use our passions and our energy to have a positive effect on our world.  Don’t just talk about it – do it.  What do you get riled up about?  What angers you?  What frustrates you?  That is where your passion lies.  But we can’t let the anger and frustration take over – we have to use this energy for good.  To help.

One of the failures in our current culture is too many people are spending their precious time and resources standing against things and protesting against things.

But what are they standing for?  Their time and resources could be used to help people – used to make something good and positive happen.

It’s a choice.

I choose to help others look to God, especially in the current darkness of our culture.  I choose to support  justice and freedom in our country by standing for the Thin Blue Line between the evil and innocent.

My Warrior’s Heart beats for loving God and loving others.

A little over a year ago,  Joey Gase of Joey Gase Racing put Davey’s name, foundation and  picture on his car when he was racing in Phoenix.  How awesome!  Joey has a Warrior’s heart that beats for organ donation and he uses his very visible career to encourage everyone to sign up.

What does your Warrior’s Heart beat for?

What are you doing about it?

Miss you, Davey.

Love You.

There is a war going on in the streets of our cities. Your city streets. My city streets.

Our police officers are being ambushed and shot and injured and killed. I woke up to the shocking news on Friday morning that 5 Phoenix Police Officers had been shot!

5 officers shot! And 4 more injured. 9 officers! Unbelievable!

They were set up. They were targeted.

Just like my son, David Glasser, who was a Phoenix Police Officer was targeted on May 18, 2016. The young man who murdered him had texted that he was going to kill a police officer that day. And he did. He killed my son.

The good news this week is that all 5 of the Phoenix officers who were shot will recover.

But there is a lot of bad news. The bad news is that recovery for these officers will include various levels of pain and struggle for them and their families. The bad news is that 9 of our warriors were taken off the streets on the same day.

The bad news is the mental anguish all of these families went through when they got that call. The bad news is the mental fallout all of our officers and their families deal with when their brothers and sisters in blue are injured.

The bad news is that the streets of Phoenix are less safe than they were last week. This is happening everywhere as officers are injured and killed and staffing of Police Departments across the country continues to dwindle.

I am praying that – somehow – God will wake up our city officials and city councils. The war is real. The crazies that will put a baby in the middle of a gun fight to get what they want will always be out there – creating chaos and mayhem. Our decision – makers need to understand and support the fact that it is the brave men and women in blue that make our streets safe.

Well, our streets used to be safe.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

I hate sirens…because I know.

The sound of sirens makes my stomach churn.

It means members of my Blue Family are rushing to take care of business.  They are putting themselves at risk – not knowing what they are walking into.  Just like my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, didn’t know it would be his last call when he stepped out of his police car on May 18, 2016.

Sirens are a signal that all is not well in my world.

Sirens in the middle of the night are the worst.  When its pitch black and good people are asleep, those with darkness in their souls like to crawl out to do their evil deeds.

And so I pray.

I pray for my brothers and sisters in Blue.  I ask my Father God for wisdom for them.  I ask for courage.  I ask for protection.  And I ask that justice will be served as my Blue Family works to push back some of the evil in my community.

Sometimes these sirens are firefighters speeding through the streets with their sirens and lights.  These first responders are partnering with our Blue family in order to bring order to chaos and help people who are hurt.  I pray for them as the sirens wail through the dark night.

All the while, my stomach churns.  And I pray.

You, my dear brothers and sisters in Blue, are a very unusual breed of people.   You race through the night, in a hurry to take care of the crimes being committed by hateful people.

You run toward the gunfire.

You step into the middle of messes.  You move forward into the danger and are a human shield for others – even when they don’t like you or respect you.  You deal with the drugged liars and cheaters of our world every day, all day.

Meanwhile, the sirens scream through the night and my stomach churns.  And I pray for my Blue Family in uniform, trying to push away the fear.

The fear of what could be happening.

Fear for your wives and husbands.

Fear for your children and your babies.

Fear for your fathers and your mothers.

Fear for your families and friends.

Because I know the danger that accompanies those sirens.

I know what can happen.

The phone call.

The trip to the hospital.

The doctor’s unbelievable words.

And the nightmare.

So I pray.