Tag: mental-health

Love You

Two simple little words –

that are not simple

and they have had a huge impact on my life these last 10 years.

I have learned a lot about love since Davey, my son who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

I’ve been on this planet for a while and I have loved others and been loved by others my entire life.  

But I never really understood the enormous power love has – until now.  Love has transformed our tragedy into a growing season.  It forced us to leave bitterness and anger behind – those emotions don’t fit when love is the focus. And it has helped us be thankful for what we had and for what we still have. Love has filled some of the huge hole created by the loss of Davey and it continues to cushion the rest so its possible to move forward.

Love is a decision, not an emotion.

Loving people who aren’t perfect and aren’t like us is not easy.

Loving people we don’t know or don’t like is usually not our first response.

‘Love you’ is a committment.  It means I always want the best for you even if that will cause me to sacrifice something on my end.

It means that I’m on your team.  I will care for you, defend you, pray for you and be here for you – always.

‘Love you’ says ‘You’re important to me’.  It says ‘ You’re valuable to me’.  It says ‘I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt when you’re wrong or grumpy or just not very lovable.’ It says “I’m going to come up with as many excuses for your behavior as I do for my own.’

Sometimes I say ‘Love you’ to people I don’t know well or don’t know at all.  This ‘Love you’ says ‘I recognize you as a good person and I want the best for you. I’m glad we’re sharing this place or this moment together. ‘ ‘

I have discovered that this over-all ‘Love you’ culture is much more powerful than it sounds.

It’s not just words.

It’s not superficial when we also act like we ‘love you’ to the people around us.  When the people around me – whether I know them or not – are important to me, the air changes around us.  The mood is different.  I can feel the acceptance and caring – not just of me but for each other.

A note to my Blue Family – loving each other and saying it regularly puts a band of steel under the Thin Blue Line.  Love adds a strength to our relationships that you will not understand until you try it.  Our family needs this strength to deal with our reality.

Love is the legacy that Davey left with us.  He knew how essential love is for all of us and he made sure we told each other – regularly – at least every time we left each other.

I’m amazed at how much ‘Love you’ has changed my world these last 10 years.

And I’m aware of how much it has changed all of us. We recently held a Cornhole Tournament as a memorial for Davey, inviting all the people who went through hell with us on May 18, 2016. The love of everyone for everybody at that event was strikingly evident. It was a unique reunion that fed all of our souls. Davey’s legacy was never more apparent that in that group of family and friends who have survived the tragedy of losing Davey. Love is and always will be the answer.

Love is an amazing gift from God that is meant to be shared. If you haven’t gotten on the ‘Love you’ train yet, this is your invitation to jump on. It will change your life if you let it.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

 

 

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments

Not Just One Day

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst HappensLeave a comment

Davey made a habit of telling people he loved them and showing love to them.  He would say “love you” instead of good-bye to everyone he cared about. He was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  And he was my son.

Davey thought telling people he loved them and showing them he loved them was so important that he tried to influence those around him to also catch the ‘love you’ habit.  He was so persistent that even his squad of tough cops at work said ‘Love you’ to each other before they left the squad room.  As a result, the last words any of us that he cared about heard from him are ‘Love You’.  These words have echoed through our minds these last 10 years as we have struggled to deal with the huge hole his death left in our lives.

So, does it surprise you that Davey didn’t like Valentine’s Day?

daveydave-tony-and-carter

He thought is was a holiday made up by the card and candy manufacturers in order to make money.  He knew that telling someone you love them and showing it was not a one day each year holiday. It should be an every day event.  So, setting aside one day a year didn’t make sense to him.  I received Valentine cards from him during his ‘make your mom a valentine card’ years at school and church but not very many after that.

What I received from Davey was so much more valuable than a card.  He gave me consistent, genuine love and attention. Those of you who are his friends and family know what I’m talking about.

He cared about us and he showed it regularly in a thousand different ways.

Every day.

Isn’t that so much more important than remembering to show our love one day a year?

Don’t get me wrong – I like Valentine’s Day.  I think giving candy and valentines to my grand darlings is fun.  I  have received many beautiful bouquets of flowers from my husband which I really enjoy – I love flowers.   

But the challenge for all of us is to figure out how to make every day Valentine’s Day for those we love.  I’m not talking about buying stuff.  I’m talking about expressing our love in words and actions every day.

I started ‘The David Glasser #8144 Love You Campaign’ on Facebook the first Christmas after Davey died.  The purpose of the page is to show love and give encouragement to Law Enforcement Officers, their families and everyone that supports the Thin Blue Line.  It also helps get news about some of the good things that Police Officers do out on social media. The group now has more than 1700 members and is still growing.  Check it out!  Click on request to join if you’re interested.  You’ll also get all the latest news about the David Glasser Foundation.

There has never been a time when our law enforcement officers and their families need more love and support.  Let’s figure out how we can make every day a day they feel loved and encouraged – just like Valentine’s day.

Let’s accept the challenge of trying to make the people we care about feel special and loved every day.  Those of us who knew Davey remember how that feels.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you!

If you would like to know more about this story, check out my book, Then I Looked Up: Losing a Child, Finding His Legacy of Love, which is published on Amazon.