A bomb exploded in my life on May 18, 2016.

My plans were made.  I was on a course that had my son’s smile and laughter plastered all over it.

And then the bomb went off – sending me onto a whole new trajectory.  Onto a path I never wanted to be on.  My former plans don’t fit the journey I am on now.

I know I’m not alone.  There is a large group of us who were loving life with Davey when the bomb went off.

And now we find ourselves in this other world…..which is significantly darker….and has an obvious empty space,

Don’t tell me time heals all wounds.  This mother’s heart has a hole in it which will not be healed this side of heaven.

But….

here I am……

-changing my Christmas decorations and house decorations to blue because it’s my new favorite color and it reminds me of a life lived well that ended too soon.

-visiting his spot at the cemetery every week and watching it become gradually more permanent.  The bench with drawings on it from my grand darlings is a new and very special addition.

-retiring in 2 days after over 34 years with corporate Jack in the Box.  My retirement looks very different now from what I thought it was going to look like before May.

And here we are….

-planning a trip to Washington, DC for Police Week in May where Davey will be honored and memorialized.

-organizing a big golf tournament on April 15 which will benefit First Responders through PLEA and the Dave Glasser Foundation.

We’re on a very different path than any of us expected before May 18th.

A couple of days before Christmas, I was shopping and found a small plate with ‘Embrace the Journey’ written on it.  I stood in that store in front of that plate for a long time.

Thinking……………………………….

About the bomb that has gone off in my life and in the lives of so many people I love.

Thinking about all of the things we don’t know about the road we are on now.

Thinking about the pain and the grief and the tears of the last 7 months.

Thinking about 2016 – marked by tragedy but colored by love.

This year, we have learned a lot about loving each other and making sure we tell each other.  We have learned a lot about what’s really important – and what’s not.  Our hearts have grown bigger as we’ve reached out in love to the people moving forward with us on this journey.

It is definitely a journey.

And it has only begun.

So, standing in that store, I decided to Embrace the Journey.  It’s my goal for 2017.

Embracing means to accept or support something willingly and enthusiastically.  I am here and I am willing.  The enthusiasm is going to take some time.

Of course I bought the dish and now I put my wedding ring on it every night.  My wedding ring changed this year, too.  Since its the only piece of jewelry that I always wear, I added blue sapphires to it.  Fallen but never forgotten.

As I place my ring with its new sapphires on its new dish at the end of every long day with its many ups and downs, I am reminded of my commitment to Embrace this Journey.

If a bomb went off in your life and you’re on a whole different road than where you started 2016, you are welcome to share my goal.

We’re in a whole new place.  We’ve already started figuring out how to make it a good place as we love and care for each other.

2017 – Embrace the Journey.