Our son, David, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.

These last 8  months have been the most difficult and painful time of my life.

One of the ways God has comforted me is through this truth – ” A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.” Job 14:5.

God has already decided which day will be the last day of your life here on earth and mine.

Knowing this helped me let go of my mother when she passed away 11 years ago.  We had a very close relationship and she was my role-model for how a Christian woman lives her life faithful to God – all the way to her last breath here on earth.  I realized, if God wanted her in heaven with him, then that’s what I wanted for her.  She was an awesome grandmother to my children and these pictures of her with Davey bring back great memories.

Ten years ago I found myself in ICU with twelve blood clots in my lungs – a life-threatening situation.  God told me clearly that I wasn’t going to die then and I didn’t – even though 5 doctors told me the blood clots should have killed me.

It just wasn’t my day.

I know that God has reasons for picking May 19 as Davey’s final day here on earth. I may never understand those reasons but I trust God.  And, since God wants him in heaven, that’s what I want for him.

Knowing that this date was determined before Davey was born helps me avoid needless regrets…like –

• I wish he hadn’t gone on that call.
  • It wouldn’t have mattered.  This was his day.
• I wish he hadn’t gone to work that day.
  • It would have happened no matter what he was doing.
• I wish he hadn’t been a police officer.
  • He was born to be a police officer and he died honorably, serving his community and doing what he loved to do.  He wouldn’t have wanted to live or die any other way.

It was decided.  There is no ‘wishing’ something else had happened.  God decreed the number of Davey’s days here on earth and then he took Davey home.

Now, standing on a foundation of God’s love and strength and grace, the rest of us are left on the earth to figure out how to move forward.  We need to figure out why we’re still here – what is God’s purpose for keeping us here?  And then we need to do it….until the day arrives that is already decided for us.

Meanwhile, through the tears, we focus on loving God and loving each other.

A bigger chunk of my heart is now in heaven with you, Abba Father.