When. Not If.

The question is not ‘if’ something bad is going to happen to us.

The right question is ‘when’.

Because something bad is going to happen sometime in our future.

Failure, separation, broken relationships.

Disease, accidents, illness, pain, death.

It’s going to happen.  And most of the time it will happen when we least expect it.

A very close friend of mine received a huge shock this last week when her beautiful daughter-in-law didn’t wake up one morning.  33 years-old.  And she didn’t wake up.

She was fine the day before.

She leaves behind a husband, a 3 year-old son, and a large number of family and friends who never expected something like this to happen.

Many times there is no warning.  I was on my normal commute home from work when I got the call about Davey being shot.

It’s not ‘if’, the question is ‘when’.

So do we live our lives with a cloud of worry and fear over our heads just waiting for the next ax to fall?

Or do we ignore the inevitable and deal with it when it happens?

Neither of those sounds like good option to me.  The tragedy that blew my life apart is not going to cause me to spend the rest of my life focused on dreading the next bad thing.  But I’m also not going to pretend that there are no more hard times coming.

I have chosen to try to find a balance somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.  I am working on growing my faith – getting closer to God.  I’m growing my understanding – since I’ve been thrown into this unthinkable situation of losing a child, I want to understand more about this journey.  I am also trying to grow my resilience in the face of adversity – strengthening the process I use when bad things happen.  Because they are going to happen.

I tend to lean more in the positive direction than the negative – life is more good than bad.  I like to focus on good things – they make the struggle all worth it.

And I have learned a lot about love this last year.  When we show love to those around us – even when we don’t know them – it really does matter.  Each expression of love, every hand that reaches out, any show of kindness and love – it all matters.

Flying across the country to celebrate your step-grandfather’s 90th birthday and putting your arm around him so your mom can take a picture matters – especially when 90 was the last birthday his step-grandfather celebrated.

It’s all worth the effort.  When we love each other, we’re on the right track.

Because it’s not a question of ‘if’.

The right question is ‘when’.

And, as we love each other, it makes ‘when’ better.

All of you have proven this over and over to me this last year.

Love you!




4 responses to “When. Not If.”

  1. Sara Hasbargen Avatar
    Sara Hasbargen

    I am reading this from a ‘friends’ post or share, and it touches my heart so deeply at this time in my life. My dad went to heaven Sept 2015, and ever since then, there has been something not right with me. And then recently, my sister’s husband went to heaven, he was my age. She made a comment to me that really touched me. It was kind of a relief-like feeling. She said, I made a promise to God, that, “I will never ask God why did you have to take him?” God will do what he chooses to do, when he chooses to do it. The only thing we have to do as his children, is ask for his forgiveness for our sins, so that we to may join in the glory!


    1. Separation from those we love is very difficult – there is a part of us that goes with them and we’re never the same. I’m sharing my journey with the hope that it will help others who are also dealing with these issues. God promised that he is working things out for good for those who love him – I hang onto that promise every day. I don’t believe we will ever understand all of God’s plans and purposes – that’s why this journey takes faith and trust. It’s a very tough road.


  2. Judy ~ Your messages mean so much to me. I read this message with my heart open and read to learn from your words of wisdom. Praise God for sharing your Blog. I wish we could take away the pain of your loss and the loss of so many others. Thank you for reminding me that we will all suffer from loss SOMETIME and how helpful it will be if we have a strong faith in GOD. Love you and your family. Cindy Clark


    1. Thank you, Cindy! It is my prayer that God uses my words as I share this journey with everyone who reads this. Love you!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: