This Painful Journey

When my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016, I had no idea how painful this journey was going to be.  This has been far more awful than any other loss I have experienced.

There are so many tough parts to this journey, its hard to describe.  I knew before this happened that each one of us experiences loss and grief differently – I didn’t realize how different a specific loss can be from the others.

This time, many of the things people have said to me regarding Davey’s death are not helpful because they simply don’t relate to what I’m experiencing.  Things like  – “Time heals all wounds,”, ” It will get easier”, “It will get better”, “It will hurt less and less.”  When anyone shares something like this with me, I realize that they obviously have not an experienced a loss like his.

I’m discovering that this journey it is not getting less painful.

I’m just getting used to it.

My broken heart is not ‘healing’.  Unpredictably, things will happen and it feels like a hot knife is digging into the bottom of my bleeding heart, twisting, blistering.

And I’m getting used to it.

My new reality is not ‘getting better’.  How could it?  Davey is not here – he hasn’t been here for over 2 years.

I’m just getting used to it.

It’s not ‘getting better’.  The hole Davey left in our lives is getting bigger.

And I’m gradually getting used to it.

I am also getting used to focusing on the 34 1/2 awesome years we had him with us.  Such a unique and fun person!  He was a special blessing our family had for too short of a time.

I am getting used to smiling through the tears as memories of God’s gift to us of a great little boy who grew into a special young man fill my mind.

I am getting used to being extremely thankful for the close relationship my husband, my daughter and I had with Davey throughout his life.  We were there for everything – all of his sports, all of his events, all the important moments.  We travelled the world with him – Hawaii, London, Spain, Italy, Alaska -and all over the United States – making great memories.  My husband and I lived 1 mile from him and his family the last 5 years of his life and we saw him almost every day.  We are very grateful for all of the time we got to spend with him those last precious years.

No regrets.

And I’m getting used to the clearer perspective I have on how short life is. How this is not my real home. How very important people are.

How love really is the answer.

Love has made this journey less painful.

Davey knew that.

#8144loveyou

 

 

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