My Nightmare

It’s a nightmare that I will never wake up from.

My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was shot and killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.  The nightmare started that day.

And it hasn’t stopped.

The first several weeks after Davey’s death, I would wake up every morning and hope that it was all a very bad dream.  I would think about what my day would be like if it had not happened.  Davey would probably be dropping by with his son, Micah, sometime during the day to pick up his dad or to drop something off or just to say hi.   If I didn’t see him, I’d probably get a text from Davey about his plans for having some fun and asking if I could help with some part of it.  He was always planning and doing and inviting other people to join in.

But then I had to open my eyes and realize that it had happened.  Davey had died.

He would not be dropping by or texting.

He would never drop by or text me again.  The nightmare had become my reality.  Every day I have to deal with that reality.

I’ve had people who mean well say to me, “It’s gets easier.  It gets better.”

What part gets easier? What part gets better?

I know I’m getting more used to having him gone…..but that’s not easier or better.

My world has a hole  – and it’s a big hole.  It’s a sad hole.  It’s a painful hole.  The hole is evident every day and it’s not going away.

The nightmare is not getting easier, it’s not getting better.

It’s becoming more real.

I am so grateful to my Father God who walks beside me.  He shines his light of love and grace in the hole.  He gives me hope and a purpose.  He wraps his arms around me as tears roll.  He has given me awesome family and friends who love and support me…..

as I live in the nightmare.

Miss you, Davey.

#8144loveyou

4 thoughts on “My Nightmare

  1. Hi Judy, I read your words and its like i just wrote them. Tony died on April 11, 2017. The pain doesnt seem any easier now as when he died. Prayers for you my dear sis. Hope to see you at parents retreat. God bless and God be with you.

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  2. Oh, dear one, my heart aches for you. You have lived my worst fear…a torturous pain no mother should ever have to go through. No, of course it doesn’t get better, of course it doesn’t get easier. You just get used to the pain and the ache in your heart, and it just becomes another part of who you are. You lost your son! Your precious son!

    At the funeral of my son’s lieutenant, I watched his mother and thought, “This could have been me … my son was fired upon as he pursued these murderous animals, but by the grace of God, he was spared. Her son didn’t.” My heart ached for her, as the reality of the dangers my own son had faced, and would continue to face became painfully real. She and I were bonded together from that tragic even, as she began the life of unbearable loss and I a life of unbearable fear.

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    • Thank you, Sandie. I had only one fear left- that something bad would happen to my kids. Then my daughter got cancer which was taken care of and I thought that was the toughest situation I would face with them. The worst was still to come. Being afraid didn’t change either situation so I have worked hard at not being afraid and getting as close to God as I possibly can. He holds me tight when the storms rage on around me.💙💙💙

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