I’m Struggling to be Thankful

It’s been harder to be thankful these last 3 Thanksgivings.

These last three years have been the most difficult years of my life.  There has been so much pain and sorrow.

So many tears.

It’s hard to be thankful when there is this painful emptiness in my life where my son, Davey, used to be.  He lived his life large so he left a huge hole when he was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.

Smiling, joking, making plans – he brought his own unique light into my world.  He was great at bringing new, fun people into our lives.  He always had room for one more – or ten more – friends in his life.

It’s also hard to be thankful when I see how our culture is treating my Brothers and Sisters in Blue.

Hunting you down.

It feels like all the crazies of the world have been let loose on one target – and that target wears blue.

Evil keeps crawling out of the smelly, rotten holes it was hiding in – showing us all again why we so desperately need our Family in Blue to stand up for what’s right.bless-our-police

And then it becomes even harder to be thankful when I think of all of the families and friends of our fallen brothers and sisters.

I’ve been there.

I am there.

It’s not a place you ever want to be.

And the number of us is growing quickly.  Much too quickly.

This dark cloud of sadness is moving over more and more of our Blue Family.

Every news report of every fallen officer brings it all back.

That day.

That call.

The shock.

The grief.

The nightmare.

The horrible reality.



when I think about the very special gift I was given 38 years ago,

it’s very hard not to be thankful.

When I focus on the over-34-years that I was blessed to have Davey in my life, it’s hard not to smile.

And I’m thankful for every minute.

I’m thankful to our Father God who has been walking closely beside me through this dark time – comforting me and drawing me closer to him.

I’m also thankful for our many family and framily members who have loved us and cared for us and are still praying for us today.  We share awesome memories.  Together, we are figuring out how to move forward.

daves-squadI’m very thankful for our Family in Blue – you really showed up!  And you haven’t left.  You are also loving us and caring for us and praying for us.  We share awesome memories of Dave as well and, together, we are strong enough to face tomorrow.

Together, we can be thankful for what we had…

and what we still have…..

during this week of Thanksgiving.

Love you!

Miss you, Davey.


4 responses to “I’m Struggling to be Thankful”

  1. Thank you may God Bless and give you and your strength with your loss. Our son Kevin died in tragic car crash while on duty in Whitesboro NY, EOW 4-11-2018 34 years old. Every word you have written is so heart touching as it is exactly what we are feeling. Proud and sad to be part of the Family That Bleeds Blue. We have been blessed for the support of family and friends. May you son and all fallen Officers RIP.


    1. Thank you, Linda. So sorry that we share this grief and loss. Prayers for you and your family.🙏🏼💙💙


  2. I can so relate to how you feel about the many officers in Blue who have lost their lives while trying to protect the good citizens of our world. God Bless you Always Judy and David as you enter into another Holiday season knowing that Davey is not here in the bodily person. He will always be with you in Spirit however and we must trust in GOD that he is watching over all who love him. Love you Judy and David.


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