Tag: grief

It’s Invisible…

but it’s there.

It’s a cloud of grief with my son, David Glasser’s name on it.  He was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016.   This cloud has hung over my life since that day.  You don’t see it or feel it.

But I do.

I have moments of silent grief when anyone I know shares that they talked to their son or went somewhere with their son.   That used to be my husband and I.  We lived 1 1/2 miles away from Davey and his family the last 5 years of his life.  We talked to him almost every day and saw him almost as much.  We were included in all of his plans for fun which were many and often.

Oh, how we miss those fun times with Davey!

I am a member of a couple of Facebook pages that remember and honor officers that have been killed on that day. EVERY DAY, several names. These posts give me moments of silent grief for the family, friends and coworkers who are now experiencing the same nightmare we did over 7 years ago. It brings back the memories of the shock and disbelief of those first few weeks….and months…..and years. So I pray for them because God has been my Rock since this bomb with all it’s repercussions hit my life.

God is the only thing that didn’t shake in my life when Davey was killed.

I have moments of silent grief when anything negative about Police Officers comes onto the television.  Any disrespect or dishonor exhibited for Police Officers is very personal to me.  It feels like disrespect and dishonor for Davey’s bravery and commitment in serving and protecting his community.

Davey gave his life for the people in his city.

Even doing something simple that Davey used to do brings on the cloud. Making beer brats reminds me of watching Davey cooking up some food for friends that were coming over. He always had a big smile on his face when people were on their way to his house – he knew a fun time was on its way.

Davey loved people so he found lots of reasons to invite people to his house to have a good time.

There are many moments of silent grief when I watch Davey’s son and daughter playing sports.  His son, Micah, wears Davey’s number on his jersey whenever he can get it. Davey would have been right in the middle of it all, coaching them and showing them how proud he was of them.

He was such a great dad!

I have moments of silent grief whenever I see someone receiving a folded flag.  We have a folded flag in our house and we know all about the pain and loss that comes with it.

I have moments silent grief whenever I’m around Davey’s friends and squad members.  It’s great to be together and the love and support we have for one another makes a difference … but the hole he left in our lives is so big.

People have asked me if memorials like Police week are hard and I always say they are bittersweet. It’s feels right and good for us to remember and honor our fallen heroes but these memorials definitely shine a spotlight on the person who is missing in my life.

What’s really hard is living every day without Davey. That’s the worst.

If you have experienced a tragedy like mine, you understand.  If you haven’t, I hope you never know what this cloud of grief feels like.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens2 Comments

Yes

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens6 Comments

The answer is yes.

When I am asked if other law enforcement officers being killed in the line of duty brings it all back, the answer is always yes.  It brings back the horrible shock and loss of May 18, 2016 when my son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed during a burglary attempt.

Officer Joshua Briese from the Gila River Police Department in Arizona was killed in the line of duty yesterday. Since Davey was killed when we lived in Phoenix, we are connected to all law enforcement events in Arizona. When I heard the news, my mind immediately went to the day Davey was shot and that horrible night in the hospital as his brain waves gradually disappeared. Tears rolled down my face and I started praying. Then I found out later that Joshua’s dad, Deputy David Briese, was also killed in the line of duty in 2006! Unbelievable tragedy for this family. They are reliving their own nightmare.

For me, many painful memories are brought to the surface whenever this happens and my broken heart keeps reminding me of all I have lost. I’ve been in this situation long enough to know that this is how it is for a parent who has lost a child. Something triggers the painful memories and our tears flow. It could be anything – large or small – and we’re back in that horrible place where we had to face the fact for the first time that our child was gone. Our loss becomes fresh again.

I have discovered that its not good for me to focus on all I have lost. It takes me to a dark place – a place Davey would not want me to stay. So I force myself to concentrate on all the blessings I have and not dwell on the empty spot in my life.

It’s not easy. Especially when I get news like I did yesterday.

There are names that are given to people who have lost others that they were close to. For example, a wife who loses her husband is called a widow. A child who loses their parents is called an orphan. 

There is no name like this for a parent who has lost a child. 

Maybe because no words can describe it.

Miss you more today, Davey.

Love you.

He’s Missing

It’s a constant issue.

Somebody is missing.

It’s a tall somebody who was always adding a lot of fun and laughs to whatever was going on.

A man of faith whose integrity and character clearly showed through the decisions he made in his life is missing.

He’s missing right this instant as November looms in front of us. My son, David Glasser’s birthday. He’s missing it …. again.

There’s a hole in our lives that will never be filled.

Sometimes people use the word ‘heal’ when they’re talking to me about Davey being killed in the line of duty and I can’t relate.  There’s a hole.  It’s not going to heal over into a scar and fade away.  Not in this lifetime.

So we’re figuring how to move forward with the hole. 

My grandson, Davey’s son, is in high school now. He was 5 when Davey was killed. Micah is doing great in school and Davey would be so proud of him. Davey loved learning and figuring things out.  He had a double major in college of Psychology and Criminal Justice.  I will never forget when he was studying juvenile delinquency – he told me that a working mother was the highest indicator that a kid would become a delinquent.   Because I had been working full-time at first getting my degree and then my career since before he was born, I thought this was very interesting.  So I asked him with a smile, “Well, what happened to you?”

That led to a in-depth conversation about how it’s not mother’s working that’s the issue – it’s the faith and values and priorities of those mothers along with the fathers that has the biggest influence on the child.

Davey told me many times how frustrated he was with the fact that many parents today use the police as the bad guys with their children.  “If you don’t behave, the police will come and arrest you.”  Really?  What happened to parents disciplining their children and parents teaching their children to respect authority and the rules?  Is it just easier to wait until they are 15 or 16 and let the police handle it?  Policemen spend a lot of time parenting kids whose parents aren’t do it.

The life of a cop. He was a great cop….and he is missed.

He was a great son and brother…and he is missed.

He was a great husband and father….and he is missed.

He was a great friend and squad member….and he is missed.

There’s always going to be a hole.

Miss you, Davey.

Love you.

 

 

On By Judy GlasserIn When the Worst Happens4 Comments