We have planted a tree.  It’s right next to Davey’s spot in the Phoenix Memorial Park.  My son, David Glasser, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty last year.

I’m calling it Davey’s ‘Love you’ Tree.  It’s giving us just a little bit of shade now but that shade will grow over the months and years as we visit Davey’s spot.

We can stand in the shade of his tree as we remember all of the many great times we shared with him.

And we can stand there as we honor a hero who stood in the thin blue line between the evil ones and the innocent.  We honor a hero who died defending the freedoms that you and I take for granted.

The tree is alive…..

just like we are.

We’re still here for a reason and our job is to figure out what that is.  God has a unique purpose for each of us and it’s not completed yet.  That’s why we are still here.

Men and women like Davey serve and sacrifice every day to protect us and enable us to fulfill our purpose.  The price they pay is very high.

We need to make it count.

And, so, the David Glasser Foundation has been created.  There is much more to do.  There are many more people to love.

As we stand in the shade of Davey’s ‘Love You’ tree, let us each commit to being a positive part of turning the tide of negativity against law enforcement officers.  We are seeing glimpses of possibilities.  With the support we now have from Washington, we can do this.  What’s your part?

I have a favor to ask of you.

When you visit Davey’s spot, please tie a blue ribbon around a branch of his tree and say a prayer for my family.  Your prayers are helping.  And please tie a blue ribbon while you say a prayer for the families of all of our fallen officers – several of their spots are right around Davey’s.  And please tie a blue ribbon while you say a prayer for all of our Blue Family.

I was there on Friday to say some prayers and get the blue ribbons started.

If you don’t live in Phoenix or can’t get to his spot, you can pray and let me know in your comment – I’ll put a blue ribbon on his ‘Love you’ tree for you.

Every time we visit, we will see the blue ribbon evidence of your love and prayers.

And it will encourage us to keep moving forward.

#8144loveyou

Last year, one of the bright lights in my world was extinguished.  My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.

He was a bright light in your world, too, even if you never met him.

We may confuse you with End of Watch dates.  His official date is May 19th but those of us who were with him in the hospital know that he left us on May 18th.  Feel free to use whichever date works for you.

We’re grateful for the medicine and machines that preserved his body on May 18th so that we had some time to say goodbye.  They also made it possible for Davey to fulfill his final wish – he was able to donate multiple organs saving the lives of several more people even after his own death.  Because that’s what heroes do.

He was one of the good guys.  He cared about our community and he committed his life to defending all that is good and right in our world.  He was proud to be part of the thin blue line that stands between the evil ones and the innocent in our country.  He lived a life of integrity and honor while blending in fun and loving life in a unique way that only Davey could do.

His heart was big and open.  Some of you know that because he added you to his group of friends during your first conversation with him.  Others of us have known about his big heart for a long time because he loved us well his entire life.

Davey leaves a legacy of love.

He loved God.  He loved his wife and two small children.  He loved his immediate and extended family.   He loved his Blue Family.  He loved his friends.

He loved sports – all of them.  He was obsessed with the Cardinals and in love with the Diamondbacks as well as all ASU sports.

At Davey’s funeral, James Byrd shared the fact that Davey said ‘Love You’ to his squad members every time he left them.  That surprised me.  As his mom, I heard Davey telling us that he loved us all the time.  But I didn’t know he had extended this habit to work.

Davey not only told his squad members he loved them several times a day – he also insisted that the squad members say ‘Love you’ back to him.  AND he insisted that they say ‘Love you’ to each other before they left.

Davey knew.

He knew how close they all were to never seeing each other again.  He knew how quickly something could happen and he didn’t want anyone to ever question that he loved them.  He knew it was very important so he badgered his squad members to get into the habit as well.

Now we are all very happy that he did.

Because ‘Love you’ has lifted us up out of a place of deep, dark grief many times this last year.

‘Love you’ has challenged us to grow even more genuine in our relationships.  We care more deeply and our lives have become interwoven in a solid foundation of love and support.

‘Love you’ has reminded us that we are still here – our watch hasn’t ended yet.  There is work to be done.  Relationships to be built.  People to love.

“Love you’ has helped us survive the worst.  Our Father God has used these two words and all of the things that go with them to give us more faith and more strength and more courage than we had before.

And now we continue to figure out how to move forward, living out Davey’s legacy of love.

Because he would have wanted it that way.

#8144loveyou

A roller coaster ride.

Up one day –

down the next.

Feeling good one hour –

ready to go sit in a dark closet the next.

A smile on my face one minute –

and tears running down it the next.

So many memorials – all bittersweet.

It’s awesome to remember and honor Davey together with our Blue family.

But it also points a finger at the huge, gaping hole in our lives…

the hole we are trying to figure out how to live with.  The hole that will never be filled this side of heaven.

I don’t need any help remembering that hole.

And the roller coaster ride continues.

Such fun!  My grandson and Kristen got to fly up to the Grand Canyon in a helicopter with David Johnson to announce a Cardinals draft pick!

But – there was a tall person with a huge smile wearing his favorite Cardinals jersey missing in all of the pictures.

The Police Motorcycles were very impressive at the State Memorial – all lined up with their flashing lights and then roaring through the crowd at the beginning of the ceremony.

But – there was a voice missing in the crowd.  Davey would have had several clever remarks about the ‘Las Vegas family’ showing up which would have had all of us chuckling – all the while making sure we knew how proud he was of his brothers and sisters in Blue.

A large number of our extended family ran in the ‘Glasser Group’ at Pat’s Run.  Such a great cause!  Many of them also ran with my grandson in the kid’s run.

Because someone very important was missing.  Davey ran next to his son last year.

I was ‘strolling’ my granddaughter through the huge crowd at Pat’s Run, trying to find the ‘Glasser Group’.  I realized I was looking over the crowd because I could always find Davey – his head popped up out of every crowd.

But I couldn’t find him….

My grandson was called up on the mound at his baseball game to pitch.  That was an exciting moment – especially when his team has kids that are 2 years older on it.

And then my heart remembered another boy who loved to play baseball and he loved to pitch.  He really liked being in the middle of every play and he didn’t mind the pressure.  Davey chose basketball over baseball as he got older even though he was a very good baseball player.

We are getting ready to jump on a plane heading to Washington, DC. for Police Week.  Our immediate family has taken lots of trips together – all over the United States as well as London, Spain and Italy.  Davey loved to travel.  When he was 12 years-old, we were going to Hawaii for 2 weeks and he was jumping around the house the day before, asking if we could leave now.  I told him he was going to have to wait.  He said, “What if I just can’t wait?”  I smiled so he knew the answer and started jumping around some more.

Those of you who loved the Cardinals with Davey saw a glimpse of this 12 year-old boy on ‘Man Christmas’ – opening day of the NFL – and whenever you tailgated with him and sat by him at the games.

My grandson now carries on this legacy of jumping and dancing in a frenzy of anticipation when exciting things are going to happen.

That makes me happy…..and sad.

The roller coaster ride.

I know many of you are riding the ups and downs right beside us.  Thank you.  Love you!

We better strap in – it’s going to be a long ride.

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten

It’s been almost a year.

An extremely long year.

Some days felt like weeks….

there were months that felt like a year….

There was excruciating pain on Father’s Day as I tried to smile at my fatherless grand darlings.

I was reminded of a multitude of lost dreams on Davey’s birthday.

It was so hard to be thankful on Thanksgiving.

And….Christmas.  One of the very real things I learned this year is how glad I am that this is not my real home.  My real home doesn’t feel like this.

Now we are preparing to fly to Washington, DC for Police Week.

What is Police Week?

May 15 was proclaimed to be National Peace Officers Memorial Day by President Kennedy in 1962.  Whatever week May 15 falls in is National Police Week and this week has been set aside by Congress to pay special recognition to law enforcement officers who have lost their lives in the line of duty.

All of the names of the fallen officers are engraved onto the National Law Enforcement Memorial in Washington, DC.  This memorial now bears the names of 21,183 fallen heros.  This year 394 names will be added – 143 officers names from 2016 and 251 other officers who were killed earlier and are now being recognized.

143 names of officers who were killed in the line of duty last year.

143 families, friends and squads are coming who all just went through what my extended family went through – what we’re still going through.  Most of the others will be experiencing grief and shock and loss and emptiness that is even more new and more fresh than ours.

It’s a time for all of us to join together in honoring and recognizing the sacrifice of our fallen officers.   I am also told it’s a time of sharing and healing for those of us who are still here.

I’m counting on that – its been a very long year and this could be a very long trip.

Because of the support from our Phoenix Community and COPS and Southwest Airlines, a crowd of family, friends, squad members and wives are going.  I’ve heard from some of you – our Blue Family – that you are also coming.  That is awesome!

And I know there are many of you who would love to come but just can’t make that long, expensive trip.

The good news is that there are ways that you can participate and there are ways you can still honor Davey and any other Fallen Officer.

I’ll be posting that information on the Dave Glasser “Love You’ Campaign Facebook page soon.  If you’re not a member of that group, just ask to join and then you’ll get hooked in to all the information.

I know there is a large group of you who pray for us regularly.  Thank you- the prayers are helping.  God is our Rock as we make our way through this storm.

Please keep it up.  We need all the prayers we can get as we make this journey to Washington, DC.

I asked.

I begged.

I have never shared this with anyone before.  The night after Davey was shot I went down to the hospital chapel all by myself.  I walked up to the altar and laid facedown on the cold tile.   And I begged God for a miracle.

It was becoming increasingly obvious that Davey needed a miracle in order to stay alive.

So I begged.  I have no idea how long I laid there, pleading with God.

At this same time, my husband, Dave, was walking up and down the crowded hallway outside of Davey’s hospital room, asking everyone to pray for a miracle.

There were also three waiting rooms downstairs filled with people – many of them praying with us, asking for a miracle.

Every hospital hallway I walked down was filled with people – most of them praying with us, asking for a miracle.

In my mind, I see a huge hand reaching up out of the roof of the hospital, stretching up to heaven, asking our God who holds life and death in his hands to reach down and touch Davey.

We asked.

We begged.

Hours later we received our answer.

And the answer was no.

No more smiles and jokes from Davey.

No more fun and games with Davey.

No to watching my grandchildren grow up with their father’s arms around them.

No to watching Davey and Kristen grow old together.

So many no’s.

–

There’s a reason why we all listened to Hilary Scott sing “Thy Will” at Davey’s funeral.  Because we asked for a miracle for Davey and God said no.  He has a different plan than we do.

Every day I am reminded that God has a very different plan than mine.  Standing on the rock of God’s love and trusting that he has many great tomorrows waiting for me, I move forward……

– not knowing where this is going.

– not happy about the reality that I now live in.

– not understanding why you and I have to travel this path.

We go on, taking our broken hearts with us.  We listen and watch as God reveals his plan, one step at a time.

And we are gradually identifying some of those steps.  One of them is the David Glasser Foundation which started off with a bang last weekend partnering with PLEA in a fantastic golf tournament.   There were thousands of smiles and hundreds of hugs – a lot of love.  Davey’s foundation is all about spreading that love around in a very practical and tangible way to people who need to understand that our Police Officers are the good guys – they are part of the solution, not the problem.  The vision is to close the divide and build relationships between our community and law enforcement officers.

The foundation is going to create non-policing opportunities for our Blue Family to show how much we care about our communities and our city.  We all know we care – otherwise why would Police Officers do what they do?  Why would our blue families and friends support and sacrifice if we didn’t care?

We’re all going to have more opportunities to show our love in fun and important ways through the David Glasser foundation.

There is a lot of fun and love on the way………

Is that our miracle?

So much grief.

So many tears.

140 Police Officers were killed in the line of duty last year.

Multiply that number by the number of wives, children, moms, dads, sisters, brothers, friends, squad members and extended Blue Family members.

The number becomes huge.

And that was just for 2016.

So, multiply that number by –

2015 – 123 deaths.

2014 – 122 deaths.

2013 – 109 deaths.

2012 – 131 deaths.

2011 – 171 deaths.

2010 – 161 deaths…… and it continues.

As I researched these numbers, I found that they fluctuate depending on who is counting and some deaths are evaluated as ‘in the line of duty’ significantly after the fact so the numbers for each year change.  The fact remains – there are a lot.

So many officers killed.

So many people affected.

So much grief.

So many tears.

We saw the Fallen documentary this past Friday night and it reminded me of the first couple of weeks after Davey was killed.

The initial shock.

The mountain of pain.

The fog of grief.

Waking up every day hoping it wasn’t true.

It took a while for me to understand how many people were affected by Davey’s death.

At first, I didn’t realize that the whole Blue family grieves when one of their brothers or sisters is killed.  But experiencing the waves of grief that were rolling over the ocean of over 5000 Blue Family members at Davey’s funeral opened my eyes.  And we’ve continued to feel the love and care and support of our Blue Family throughout these last 11 months.  Thank you.

I also didn’t understand at first that there is a large part of the general public who also grieves when an officer is killed in the line of duty.

 There are a lot of people in our community who get it.

They understand that police officers put their lives on the line every day for people they don’t even know.  These people understand that police officers are taking bullets that are meant for the innocent – for them and their families.  This crowd knows that police officers are helping them live freely and safely in their neighborhoods.

We tend to forget about this large group of people because they aren’t rioting in the streets.  They aren’t looting and shooting and screaming profanities.

These people were lining the streets as Davey’s casket was escorted by our Blue Family from the church to the cemetery.  These were the people who were filling each overpass on the freeway, holding up flags and signs of love and encouragement.  People from this group were stopped all over the freeway and the sides of the freeway to show their respect for a fallen hero.

Some of these people were saluting as Davey’s limo went by – honoring Davey because they personally knew what it meant to put your life on the line for your country and community.

So many people.

So much grief.

So many tears.

The bullets that were shot on May 18th, 2016 created waves out into our city and across the nation.  Another hero has fallen.

The Fallen documentary ends with this phrase –

We Go On.

It’s a good phrase.

Because that’s what we’re doing …

Picking up the pieces.

Figuring out how to live with this hole in our hearts.

Forging a different future.

We Go On.

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten

left behind.

I visit Davey’s spot in the cemetery every week to clean it and make sure it looks good.

And to pray.  I pray for our family, our extended ‘family’ which includes his squad and I pray for the families of the other fallen officers.

The list of things that I’ve done that I thought I would never have to do has grown very long since May 19,2016.  I recently added one more thing to that list when I bought the plot to the left of Davey’s for my husband and I.  Now that Davey has a spot, it feels right to have a spot next to him for our cremated remains, too.

We’re going to be planting a tree in the next few months in that area as well.  We had already planned this before I saw the movie, “The Shack”.  Have you seen it?  Now I know why I wanted a tree.

Spoiler alert – they planted the seed of a tree on top of his daughter’s grave.  When they watered it with the father’s tears, it miraculously immediately grew into a big, beautiful, green tree.

Awesome!  Life!  In a place where we remember those who have died.

If our tree doesn’t grow as fast as the one in the movie, it won’t be from the lack of tears.

Looking around the cemetery, I am reminded of all the people I love who are already in heaven.

I really miss my mom.  She was so much fun and such an amazing Christian woman!  My father was a good man who died when I was 21 years-old so I never got to know him as an adult.  I guess I’ll have lots of time for that in heaven.  My stepfather was also a good man who married my mother on her 70th birthday.  He was a fantastic grandfather to my children.   My oldest brother was 13 years older than me and went to heaven a couple of years ago.  He was the one who walked me down the aisle.

Fortunately, I have a strong, Christian background so my grandparents are all in heaven along with a large number of my aunts, uncles and cousins.

And now my son.

He is there.  And there are times when I have a strong feeling of being left behind.  Don’t worry.  There’s no need to call a hotline 🙂  I’ll be here until God decides differently.

But there are days when I am homesick.  Home is where my Father God is.  Home – where there are no diseases and trials.  No grief.  No pain.  Home – the number of people I love who are already home is growing.

It is our home because Jesus redeemed our lives.  He is the Way, the Truth and the Life.

He is the Way to heaven.

He is the Truth here on earth.

And the Life he gives us doesn’t end here.

If you haven’t made the choice to trust in Jesus, there is no better time than now.  Tomorrow may be too late.

Davey and I would really like for you to join us someday in heaven…

Davey is already there.

#8144loveyou

My beautiful little granddaughter turned 3 years-old this week.  She is an intelligent, strong-willed little girl whose life is packed full of potential.  She knows what she wants and she is going to be dynamite when she figures out how to channel all of the willpower in the right direction.

How do I know that?  I’ve got a strong will of my own – that’s no secret to those of you who know me.  My daughter also has this strength so I have experienced first-hand the joys and the challenges of parenting a strong-willed child.  The challenges turn into joys when the child figures how to focus all of that powerful energy into positive things like learning and achieving.  Until then, each smile is a gift. 🙂

My constant prayer for my grandchildren is that God will orchestrate good things in their lives through the tragic death of their father.  I am holding onto this promise from God with both hands.  I have no idea how this will happen – I’m just going to trust his love for them and his love for all us while I continue to pray.

My own father died suddenly from a massive heart attack when I was 21 years-old.  He missed a major part of my life.  He never met my husband.  He wasn’t there to walk me down the aisle.  He never had the chance to hold my children.    I have always thought that I was too young to lose my father.

But now I know what too young really is.  Edie’s only memories of Davey will be pictures and our memories – that’s the way she will know her father.  

But Davey’s DNA is permanently weaved through her personality and we will be able to catch glimpses of him as she grows up even though she didn’t get to spend much time with him.  His fingerprints are on her life and we will see the characteristics she shares with her dad develop as she grows into a young woman.

Davey’s legacy of strength, fun, integrity, love and faith along with much, much more lives in both of his children.

What a precious gift to them ….. and to us.

#8144loveyou

I am not promised tomorrow.  I might not be here.

People I care about may not be here.  Last year etched this fact in my brain and in my heart.  I hope it’s etched in your brain and heart, too.

I have to make today count.  The best of intentions are really pretty worthless – they are just a waste of time unless I’m going to act on them.

Davey has been described several times as being ‘larger than life’.  I love that!  It means he made the most of his time – loving people, planning fun times and following through on them.  He was also serious about his work and gave his full effort to being great at doing something he loved.  

Davey did more and loved more in 34 years than some people do in a lifetime.

That’s a great statement about Davey but a sad statement about how other people fail to really live their lives.

One a scale of 1 to 10, how are you doing on the ‘larger than life’ scale?

If you don’t like your rating, there is no time better than today to start changing it.

I am currently cruising to Aruba, the Panama Canal and a couple of other of my ‘bucket list’ locations.  I can’t help thinking back to last year when Davey and Kristen went on a Caribbean cruise with his squad.  A lot of people would have decided not to go because they would be leaving their 2 small children for a week.  Not Davey and Kristen.  They knew their time together and with friends was important and they also knew the kids were fine with Papa and Mimi. (that’s us).

My husband and I had an awesome week having fun with the ‘littles’.  It had been 30 years since our kids were that small so our energy level was a lot different but they went to bed early, so we made it!  We skyped with the ‘Cruisers’ every night and no one had a meltdown – even mom 🙂

None of us could possibly know how precious that week would become.  Sooooo glad they went!  So much fun!  So many unforgettable memories!

Such a great lesson about making each week count.  Let’s not put off the fun stuff and the great memory stuff – let’s do it today.  The person we want to do it with may not be here tomorrow.

#8144loveyou