It happened again last week.

While talking with someone I just met, the subject came up and I said my son had been killed last year.

Last year.

Sometimes the pain feels like yesterday.

It’s very hard.

And saying it makes it more real.

For weeks after Davey’s death, I would wake up every morning hoping that it was all just a bad dream.

Praying that it was all a nightmare that I could wake up from.

Every morning I would open my eyes and look around my bedroom – hoping I wouldn’t see the frame on my dresser which holds the last Mother’s Day card I’ll ever get from Davey.  The one he signed “I love you”.

Every morning I would hope I wouldn’t see his memorial picture that hangs in my kitchen.  He had such a great smile.

As I looked around, I was hoping that I wouldn’t see the blue line flag I painted when a bunch of us got together to try to start healing our broken hearts.  Together, we are stronger.

But I saw the card and the picture and the flag everyday.

Because it wasn’t just a very bad dream.

The worst happened.

The nightmare is real.

And I know the nightmare is still very real to a whole group of us who knew Davey well and loved him.  I can see it in your eyes.

Our hearts are broken.  There’s a big gaping hole in our lives.  We can’t go back to our old lives because Davey is not there.

It’s like a dimmer switch has been turned down on the light and laughter and joy in our world.

You feel it, too.

I don’t know how people can deal with tragedy like this without faith in God. I believe that Davey is in heaven with his Father God.  With my Father God.  He’s there with my mother, father, stepfather, brother and many more of my family and friends who have gone home before him.  I believe that God is in the process of bringing good out of the evil that was done.  I believe that I’ve been left behind because God has a part for me in this plan.

Davey walked into my dream a couple of weeks ago.  I was sitting at the table with Kristen and my little granddaughter.  It felt like a regular ‘time to color’ or ‘let’s eat’.  Then Davey walked in and sat down.  He gave us a big smile.  He didn’t say anything.  He just smiled at all of us.

I looked at Kristen and blinked.

Maybe everything else really was all just a dream!!

It felt so real.  The explosion of hope in my heart was so strong that it woke me up.

And the nightmare was back.  Sometimes I just want to live in that dream.

But Davey’s  big smile stays with me.  He’s happy.  He is in a place with no sadness, pain or nightmares.  The battle between good and evil that he committed his adult life to here on earth is over for him.  Where he is, the good guys have won.  Davey has won.

On the day that is already determined for me, I will see him again.  It will not be a dream, it will be my new, eternal reality.

What about you?

I know he would like to see you again, too.

#8144loveyou

 

Davey made a habit of telling people he loved them and showing love to them.  He thought this was so important that he tried to influence those around him to also catch the ‘love you’ habit.

So, does it surprise you that he didn’t like Valentine’s Day?

He thought is was a holiday made up by the card and candy manufacturers in order to make money.  He knew that telling someone you love them and showing it was not a one day each year holiday.  It should be an every day event  So, setting aside a day didn’t make sense to him.  I received Valentine cards from him during his ‘make your mom a valentine card’ years at school and church but not very many after that.

What I received from him was so much more valuable than a card.  He gave me consistent, genuine love and attention.  Those of you who are his friends, ‘family’ and family know what I’m talking about.

He cared about us and he showed it regularly in a thousand different ways.

Every day.

Isn’t that so much more important than remembering to show our love one day a year?

Don’t get me wrong – I like Valentine’s Day.  I’ve already bought valentines and candy to give to my friends and family.  And I’ve already received a gorgeous bouquet from my husband – he knows I love flowers.  And he knows I like to get them early so I have them all day on whatever special day we’re celebrating.

But the challenge for us is to figure out how to make every day Valentine’s Day for those we love.  I’m not talking about buying stuff.  I’m talking about expressing our love in words and actions every day.

This is what the Love You Campaign is all about – remembering to tell people we love them and remembering to show people we love them with our actions.  I have been very encouraged by all of the ideas and love you have been sharing on the Dave Glasser Love You Campaign Facebook page.  You are great!  If you’re not a member of the group, just ask to join and you can share ideas with the rest of us.  We’ve all been putting stickers on things (mine is on the back of my phone) and decals on our cars to remember and honor Davey.  These decals also remind us to ‘Love You’ and encourage others around us to “Love You’.

I have more stickers and decals – just let me know if you want some.  The sales of the stickers and decals are helping to fund the trip to Washington, DC for Police Week for Davey’s squad so they can be there to help honor him.  There is also a big March 11 fundraiser planned – we’ll see you there!

These are a couple of awesome ways for all of us to show our love to Davey’s squad!!

#Davewouldloveit #8144loveyou #fallenbutnotforgotten

 

 

And he loved the Diamondbacks.

And he loved ASU football, baseball and basketball.

He loved sports – all of them.

On our family trip to Spain to celebrate his college graduation, Davey and his dad got up in the middle of the night to watch a baseball game on TV from back in the States.  There’s no doubt in my mind where Davey picked up his love for all sports.  They even watched soccer in Spain (since it was about the only sport on TV there) even though Davey and his dad never had too many good things to say about soccer.

Davey’s main sport in High School was basketball but he also played a lot of baseball in his younger years.  He loved football but I didn’t let him play – too dangerous, too many injuries.  He reminded me often that I threw a ‘mom flag’ on that one and I always smiled.  I still think it was a good call.

He loved to watch football and became a huge Cardinal’s fan when they moved to town.  We had season tickets in the end zone for the first

several years after the Cardinals moved to Arizona when they played in the ASU stadium.  It wasn’t until the Cardinals moved to their Glendale Stadium that Davey became super-serious about tailgating.  One of his birthdays fell on a game day during those first years at the Glendale Stadium so we tailgated for his birthday.   He liked ASU Football as well and tailgated there sometimes but his dedication to the Cardinals was at an almost-obsessed level.

His tailgating crowd kept growing and moving and changing through the years.  More and more tailgating gear got added to his collection in the garage.  The number of season tickets in the group continued to grow along with the various people who owned and shared those tickets. He always

had the newest and best jerseys even though I think they busted one of the guys who tried to sell them knock-offs?  Does anybody know the real story on that one?

The away-game trip became a tradition and was meticulously planned months ahead of time.

Davey was much more concerned about what kind of whiskey to bring to the game than what kind of food.  They only had 4 hours to tailgate so it was important to get started on time.

It was about the game but – even more – it was about the people.

He loved to bring his family with him – his dad was often in the car with him as they rolled into the stadium 4 hours early.  Davey regularly asked the rest of us to go and his sister always had a ticket when she was in town.

He loved to have fun with his friends – old, new and those he hadn’t met yet.  As soon as he became a Policeman, he had a whole new group of people to invite and many of his brothers and sisters in blue also started coming.  His goal was to get everyone mingling and having a great time together.

He loved to play games with friends and family, joke and laugh and make great memories.

Add in a Cardinals football game and life was perfect!

He wouldn’t be too excited about the Super Bowl Game today because the Cardinals aren’t in it.

But he would be excited about spending time with his family and friends.

Let’s raise a Coors Light or a shot of whiskey together today while we share some great memories!

Dave would love it!

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten

 

 

 

His smile.

His quick wit.

His intelligence.

His natural athletic abilities.

His integrity.

His love for God.

His love to have fun.

His love for his family.

His love for his friends.

His love for people in general.

In the months ahead, we will have several chances to get together to remember Dave’s commitment to serve and protect.

To remember his strength and courage to do the right thing.

And to remember the sacrifice he made for people he didn’t even know in order to make this world a better, safer place for those of us who are left behind.

At the end of this post, I have listed the memorials that are planned locally for the next months –  leading up to our trip to Washington, DC to honor Dave as they add his name to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial.

We would love for you to join us for these local memorials.

Because we are honoring Dave.  

AND because we are honoring all of my brothers and sisters who wear the Blue uniform.

We are honoring your commitment to serve and protect.

We are honoring your strength and courage to do the right thing.

We are honoring the sacrifice you make every day in order to make this world a better, safer place for the rest of us.

We are also honoring the sacrifice your family and friends make every day as they love and support you.

Our Family in Blue loves together, laughs together, cries together and stands together.

We remember.  We honor.

We never forget.

 

You are invited to join us –  (I don’t have all the information yet, I’ll fill in whatever information is missing as we get closer):

City Memorial, February 17, 9 am, Orpheum Theatre

Annual Awards Ceremony, March 8, Orpheum Theatre

PPD Memorial, April 28, 5 pm, City Hall.

State Memorial, May 1.

#fallenbutneverforgotten

 

It’s growing……

Your heart.

My heart.

If we’re taking this ‘love you’ idea seriously.  Remembering to say ‘Love you’.  Remembering to show love to other people.

It makes our hearts grow bigger.

It opens up our hearts in new ways to new people.

New understandings.  New opportunities to love.

Can you feel it?

I know my heart has a lot more blue in it now.  My family in Blue has helped my heart grow as they have shown so much love and care for my immediate family this last 8 months.  So many people, so many tears, so many hugs.  New family members who will never leave my heart.

As my heart grows, I also feel more compassion for people – especially people who have gone through a tragedy like our’s.  Every report of a fallen officer tugs at my heart as I think about their family and friends going through the dark days, roller coaster weeks and painful months that we’ve gone through.  That we’re still going through.

Add our blue tragedies to all of the bad things happening to other people right around us and the pain piles very high and very deep.  Our love needs to pile on even higher and deeper.

There are so many different ways of showing love.

It’s very obvious that many people in our culture today don’t realize how much love and care Police Officers show them everyday.  Davey told me several times that he didn’t want to spend his time catching regular citizens who made a simple mistake.  He wanted to get the mean and evil people off of the streets and into jail.  The monsters who murder the innocent.  The losers who sell drugs to make themselves a lot of money while creating more losers.  The evil ones whose only thoughts are for themselves and how to take from others.

My brothers and sisters who wear the blue uniform – you show your love every minute of every shift as you clean up the filth on our streets, helping to make them safer for the rest of us.  And you continue to show your love off duty with helping others and always being part of the solution.  That’s just how you are.

People who bleed blue show a very special love defined by service and honor.

We need more of that in our world.

Love you!

 

 

 

There are days I don’t want to be ‘here’.

So I go ‘there’.  But ‘there’ becomes ‘here’ and I don’t want to be ‘here’.

So I go somewhere else but, when I get there, that’s not where I want to be, either.

What’s going on?

Why do I have these periods of time when I just don’t want to be where ever I am?

And then I figured it out.

My heart is searching for Davey.  He’s not ‘here’, so maybe he’s ‘there’.

But he’s not ‘there’, either.

My heart has not completely adjusted to the reality of Davey’s death.  It’s still looking for him.  But it never finds him.

I recently had a conversation with my daughter, Katie, where we discovered that we both still see glimpses of Davey – in a crowd or in a car speeding by.  Is that him?

For a second, there he is!

Because we want to see him.

We want it to be him.

But we both know it’s not him.  The truth comes rushing in.  The reality that it can’t be him breaks our hearts again.  The reality that it will never be him again this side of heaven starts the tears flowing.

Our brains just have not completely adjusted to Davey’s death.  We’re still looking for him.

My heart and mind don’t want it to be true.

But – at some point –

they will adjust to reality and stop looking for him.

I know it will happen.  I can’t stop it.

I’m not looking forward to it.

I will lose another little part of him on that day.

 

Our son, David, was a Phoenix Police Officer who was killed in the line of duty on May 19, 2016.

These last 8  months have been the most difficult and painful time of my life.

One of the ways God has comforted me is through this truth – ” A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.” Job 14:5.

God has already decided which day will be the last day of your life here on earth and mine.

Knowing this helped me let go of my mother when she passed away 11 years ago.  We had a very close relationship and she was my role-model for how a Christian woman lives her life faithful to God – all the way to her last breath here on earth.  I realized, if God wanted her in heaven with him, then that’s what I wanted for her.  She was an awesome grandmother to my children and these pictures of her with Davey bring back great memories.

Ten years ago I found myself in ICU with twelve blood clots in my lungs – a life-threatening situation.  God told me clearly that I wasn’t going to die then and I didn’t – even though 5 doctors told me the blood clots should have killed me.

It just wasn’t my day.

I know that God has reasons for picking May 19 as Davey’s final day here on earth. I may never understand those reasons but I trust God.  And, since God wants him in heaven, that’s what I want for him.

Knowing that this date was determined before Davey was born helps me avoid needless regrets…like –

• I wish he hadn’t gone on that call.
  • It wouldn’t have mattered.  This was his day.
• I wish he hadn’t gone to work that day.
  • It would have happened no matter what he was doing.
• I wish he hadn’t been a police officer.
  • He was born to be a police officer and he died honorably, serving his community and doing what he loved to do.  He wouldn’t have wanted to live or die any other way.

It was decided.  There is no ‘wishing’ something else had happened.  God decreed the number of Davey’s days here on earth and then he took Davey home.

Now, standing on a foundation of God’s love and strength and grace, the rest of us are left on the earth to figure out how to move forward.  We need to figure out why we’re still here – what is God’s purpose for keeping us here?  And then we need to do it….until the day arrives that is already decided for us.

Meanwhile, through the tears, we focus on loving God and loving each other.

A bigger chunk of my heart is now in heaven with you, Abba Father.

A bomb exploded in my life on May 18, 2016.

My plans were made.  I was on a course that had my son’s smile and laughter plastered all over it.

And then the bomb went off – sending me onto a whole new trajectory.  Onto a path I never wanted to be on.  My former plans don’t fit the journey I am on now.

I know I’m not alone.  There is a large group of us who were loving life with Davey when the bomb went off.

And now we find ourselves in this other world…..which is significantly darker….and has an obvious empty space,

Don’t tell me time heals all wounds.  This mother’s heart has a hole in it which will not be healed this side of heaven.

But….

here I am……

-changing my Christmas decorations and house decorations to blue because it’s my new favorite color and it reminds me of a life lived well that ended too soon.

-visiting his spot at the cemetery every week and watching it become gradually more permanent.  The bench with drawings on it from my grand darlings is a new and very special addition.

-retiring in 2 days after over 34 years with corporate Jack in the Box.  My retirement looks very different now from what I thought it was going to look like before May.

And here we are….

-planning a trip to Washington, DC for Police Week in May where Davey will be honored and memorialized.

-organizing a big golf tournament on April 15 which will benefit First Responders through PLEA and the Dave Glasser Foundation.

We’re on a very different path than any of us expected before May 18th.

A couple of days before Christmas, I was shopping and found a small plate with ‘Embrace the Journey’ written on it.  I stood in that store in front of that plate for a long time.

Thinking……………………………….

About the bomb that has gone off in my life and in the lives of so many people I love.

Thinking about all of the things we don’t know about the road we are on now.

Thinking about the pain and the grief and the tears of the last 7 months.

Thinking about 2016 – marked by tragedy but colored by love.

This year, we have learned a lot about loving each other and making sure we tell each other.  We have learned a lot about what’s really important – and what’s not.  Our hearts have grown bigger as we’ve reached out in love to the people moving forward with us on this journey.

It is definitely a journey.

And it has only begun.

So, standing in that store, I decided to Embrace the Journey.  It’s my goal for 2017.

Embracing means to accept or support something willingly and enthusiastically.  I am here and I am willing.  The enthusiasm is going to take some time.

Of course I bought the dish and now I put my wedding ring on it every night.  My wedding ring changed this year, too.  Since its the only piece of jewelry that I always wear, I added blue sapphires to it.  Fallen but never forgotten.

As I place my ring with its new sapphires on its new dish at the end of every long day with its many ups and downs, I am reminded of my commitment to Embrace this Journey.

If a bomb went off in your life and you’re on a whole different road than where you started 2016, you are welcome to share my goal.

We’re in a whole new place.  We’ve already started figuring out how to make it a good place as we love and care for each other.

2017 – Embrace the Journey.

 

for love.

for acceptance.

for community.

This last week is proof.

We all want to be loved and we aren’t getting a lot of it in our current culture.

I was truly amazed by the response to the Dave Glasser #8144 Love You Campaign this last week.  I knew it was special and unique and an important part of Davey’s legacy.

I just didn’t realize how much our community is starving for good news – news about telling each other that we ‘love you’ and spreading that love around to others that live around us.

I had the opportunity to tell Dave’s ‘Love You’ story on the Channel 15 News and the response has been overwhelmingly positive.  We have a Dave Glasser #8144 Love You Campaign group page on Facebook – if you’d like to be a part of this group and get the news on the campaign, just ask to join it.  Please join it – we’d all like to hear how you are helping to spread the ‘Love You’s’.

And I have a challenge for all of you –

start increasing the love right in your own home.

Make sure you’re telling the people in your home that you love them and, maybe more importantly, show it.  The people around you are starving for love and attention.  Your teenagers might not act like it, but, underneath all that attitude, they are.

Turn off the TV and put away the pads and telephones and video games.  When you’re looking at a screen, your body is there but your mind is not.

Talk with each other.  Set up a family game night where you put your screens away and sit around the table, laughing and making memories.  Make it extra special by sharing their favorite dessert.   Go out for ice cream – leaving your phones at home.  With older kids, go bowling, again a ‘no screen’ zone.  Have dinner together around the table at least once a week – and more if you can – no screens and only positive, encouraging conversation.  You can do it!  I know you can!

If you don’t have any kids, ask the people around you to put down their screens so they are actually present with you.  Invite some friends over to play some cards and make it a ‘no screen’ zone.  Davey loved to play poker – have a regular Dave Glasser Memorial Poker night –  and include some shots 🙂 #Davewouldloveit.

The reporter for Channel 15 asked me this week what I think Dave would say about this #8144 Love You campaign.

I think he would really enjoy the fact that this Christmas has a little more love in it because of what he role-modeled for us.  He encouraged his squad to express their love for each other and, knowing that, the rest of us have also been encouraged to tell each other ‘Love you’ more often.  It has deepened our relationships and helped us grow closer as we figure out how to move forward without him.

Davey loved people.  They were very important to him.  It’s one of the reasons he became a Policeman and it helped make him a great one.

So…..go ahead, put down your screen and go give someone a hug…hang out with them awhile and say ‘Love you’.

#8144loveyou

#honoringDaveslegacy

If Dave were here, he’d be saying it to you, right,  James Byrd?

Byrd told all of us at the funeral about Dave saying ‘Love you’ to his brothers in blue in his squad before he left for his shift.  And he expected them to say it, too.  At first, it felt a little awkward for all the guys loaded down with guns and weapons to be saying ‘Love you’ to each other but Dave insisted.  Because you never know if you’re going to get another chance to say it.

Turns out, he was so right.  Too right.

But all of us know he loved us.  He told us all the time – its his legacy.  And he showed it with his ready smile, loyalty, how he included everyone in his love of having fun and a million other different ways.

Since May many of us closest to Dave have gotten good at telling each other ‘Love you’ when we’re leaving.  Because nobody knows better than we do just how easy it is for us not to have another chance to say it.

And it has added some extra love to our relationships.  It has added a new depth to how important we are to each other.  It has added a clear understanding of how we are all sharing his loss together.

I just realized  –

we’ve already started the Dave Glasser #8144 Love You Campaign.

And now is a great time to tell everyone else about it.  Let’s spread the love around even farther.

Would the people in your life benefit from hearing you tell them you love them more often?

Could the world around you use a little more love?

Are people around you in a stressed-out rush?

If they aren’t yet, they will be soon as Christmas gets closer and closer.

What are some things – big and small – that you could do to show some love to someone else?  You might know these people, you might not.  Love takes many forms – it can be a little more patience with them or some more forgiveness and understanding.  Love can look like giving people space to get on the freeway.  Or parking in a spot at the far end of the parking lot so others can take the close spots.  Sometimes just a smile can show acceptance and love to someone.  And never forget small gifts of chocolate 🙂

Is there someone you need to start saying ‘love you’ to more often?  Believe me, you never know if you’ll ever get another chance. #8144 love you.

Maybe there are a bunch of people you need to start saying ‘love you’ to. #Davewouldloveit.

Who are the people around you that you can start showing more love to? #honoringDaveslegacy.

I’ve started a Facebook page  – and then changed it to a group –  for The Dave Glasser #8144 Love You Campaign.

It’s for you.  It’s for all of us.

Tell us about how you are sharing the love. #8144loveyou.

Any fun ideas on how to tell people and show people you love them? #Davewouldloveit

You can post pictures, sayings – anything that will encourage the rest of us to share the love. #honoringDaveslegacy

Byrd – do you have the clip of your sharing this at Dave’s funeral?  If so, can you post it on the page?

Everyone – go ahead and join the group so we can start spreading the news of the Dave Glasser #8144 Love You Campaign.

#8144loveyou.