But we stand together.

The Thin Blue Line stands between the innocent and the evil ones.  It stands between peace and violence.  It stands between right and wrong.

The Thin Blue Line stands for honor and respect.  It stands for order and discipline.  It stands for courage and personal sacrifice for the greater good.

There is a vocal group in our country who does not value honor, respect, order, discipline, courage and personal sacrifice.

But we do.

There is a reason why the Police Officer’s badge is in the shape of a shield and is placed over their heart.   Their responsibilities require a level of committment and courage that only comes from a big heart.  A caring heart.  A warrior’s heart.  It’s their most important weapon.

Yes, there are bad police officers.  But it is not wise to focus on the exception.  Get to know a good police officer and you will understand what I’m talking about.

Police officers are the truest guardians of freedom in our country.  We saw an exceptional example of this in Phoenix last week.  The officers patiently supported the people’s right of freedom. They also protected the people of the city from violence and injury by managing the crowds and dispersing them in an orderly and disciplined manner.  Thanks for an awesome job, Phoenix PD!

Some people don’t appreciate how hard it is to achieve this balance in an unknown and super-charged environment.

We do.

Our Blue Family includes the Thin Blue Line along with all of the rest of us who love and support our officers.

We believe in loyalty.

We believe in justice.

We believe in enforcing the law of the land, even when it’s not popular in some places.

And we never forget our fallen heroes who stood for justice over personal safety.

If that describes you, welcome to our Blue Family!

We stand apart,

but we stand together.

 

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten

Two simple little words –

that are not simple

and they have had a huge impact on my life these last 15 months.

I have learned a lot about love since Davey, my son who was a Phoenix Police Officer, was killed in the line of duty last year.

I’ve been on this planet for a while and I have loved others and been loved by others my entire life.  

But I never really understood the enormous power love has – until now.  Love has transformed our tragedy into a growing season.  It forced us to leave bitterness and anger behind – those emotions don’t fit when love is the focus.  And it has helped us be thankful for what we had and for what we still have.  Love has filled some of the huge hole created by the loss of Davey and it continues to cushion the rest so its possible to move forward.

Love is not simple.

Loving people who aren’t perfect and aren’t like us is not simple.

Loving people we don’t know or don’t like is not simple.

‘Love you’ is a committment.  It means I always want the best for you even if that will cause me to sacrifice something on my end.

It means that I’m on your team.  I will care for you, defend you, pray for you and be here for you – always.

‘Love you’ says ‘You’re important to me’.  It says ‘ You’re valuable to me’.  It says ‘I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt when you’re wrong or grumpy or just not very lovable.’  It says “I’m going to come up with as many excuses for your behavior as I do for my own.’

Sometimes I say ‘Love you’ to people I don’t know well or don’t know at all.  This ‘Love you’ says ‘I recognize you as a good person and I’m glad we’re sharing this place or this moment together. ‘ ‘

I have discovered that this over-all ‘Love you’ culture is much more powerful than it sounds.

It’s not just words.

It’s not superficial when we also act like we ‘love you’ to the people around us.  When the people around me – whether I know them or not – are important to me, the air changes around us.  The mood is different.  I can feel the acceptance and caring – not just of me but for each other.

A note to my Blue Family – loving each other and saying it regularly puts a band of steel under the Thin Blue Line.  Love adds a strength to our relationships that you will not understand until you try it.  Our family needs this strength to deal with our reality.

Love is the legacy that Davey left with us.  He knew how essential love is for all of us and he made sure we told each other – regularly – at least every time we left each other.

I’m amazed at how much ‘Love you’ has changed my world since last May.

And I’m starting to comprehend how much it has changed all of us.

If you haven’t gotten on the ‘Love you’ train yet, this is your invitation to jump on.  We’re just getting started and this train is going to some awesome places.  The trip alone is going to worth it.

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten

#hislegacyoflove

 

 

“Survivors” used to make me think about people who have lived through shipwrecks and plane crashes.  These were people who had experienced the ravages of tragedy first hand and had lived through it.

Right after Davey was killed in the line of duty on May 18, 2016, people started calling my family ‘survivors’.  In the fog of last year, it didn’t make sense to me.  Now it does –  I definitely feel like a survivor.

Sometimes, my life since the day Davey was killed seems like a train wreck that hasn’t stopped yet.  Railroad cars filled with my hopes and dreams keep coming.

But the track broke last year,

and the cars fall off the track –

one by one,

down…

into a deep,

dark

ravine.

There’s a big pile of my broken dreams at the bottom of this ravine.

And the cars keep coming,

they keep falling.

The pile is growing bigger.

Other days, it feels more like we were all on a ship that was hit by a huge hurricane.  The storm was totally unexpected.  It was huge and ferocious. When our ship crashed into the rocks, we were washed up on an unknown shore – missing one very special person.

We landed in a place we never wanted to be.  But we’re here together.  The old ship is gone.

We’re all figuring out how to survive in this new place.

With a heart that is broken into a million pieces and with a huge hole in my life, I’m figuring out how to not just survive in this new place, but to thrive.  God had a purpose for bringing Davey home and he has a purpose for leaving me here.

The same can be said for you.

There’s a reason.

We survive for a purpose.

#8144loveyou

It’s a good feeling.

No regrets.

Davey went to work on May 18, 2016 and he never came home.

We have a lot of tears.

A huge amount of lost dreams.

A big hole in our lives.

But no regrets.

Davey lived life to its fullest and, as a result, those of us around him were also caught up in his whirlwind of a good time.  He was always planning the next poker party, the next BBQ, the next Fantasy draft and the next trip.  We knew we could count on him to provide the spark – something fun was on its way.

We all got used to saying ‘yes’ to whatever he was planning because we couldn’t say no – then we’d miss the fun!  We also got used to helping him do whatever he wanted to do because it was going to be good.

Now we are so thankful for all those great memories.  And we have a ton of them!  Our calendar was full of good times with Davey – we have no regrets about things we should have, could have,or would have done.   None of us knew how short our time was going to be with him.

None of us ever know.

Early on as a family, we learned to keep short accounts.  If something major was going on, we talked about it.  If something wasn’t a big deal, we forgot about it.  Let it go.  That way we weren’t hanging on to anger and hurt feelings.

There’s a reason why God tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger.  Because – sometimes –  the sun goes down and the person we’re angry with never comes home again.

Accidents.

Heart attacks.

Aneurysms.

Blood Clots.

Getting shot.

For whatever reason, the person you are mad at doesn’t come home…

and you are left with regrets.

That doesn’t have to happen.

Davey knew that some situations he got into as a Police Officer brought him dangerously close to never coming home again.  It was very important to him that the people he cared about knew that he loved them.  So the last thing he always said to us was ‘Love you’.

The very last thing he said to all of us was ‘Love you’.

And we said ‘love you’ back to him.

No regrets.

He talked his squad into saying it as well.  ‘Love you’ is the last thing they said to Davey.  And it was the last thing he said to them.

No regrets.

Just awesome memories of a very special person who we greatly miss……..

Davey cared.  He didn’t just say ‘Love you’, he showed it and lived it.

He wanted our community to be a safe place for families to live and kids to play.

When he was 12 years-old he took a summer job as a junior counselor at a Boys and Girls Club in a high-risk area of Phoenix.  He wanted those kids to have a safe summer playing games and having lots of fun.

I will never forget – on his first day of being a counselor, one of the little kids vomited and Davey had to clean it up.  Yuck!  But it was an early lesson about how – when you care – you often find yourself in the middle of the yuck and mess of other’s lives and choices.

What a great lesson for a young man who would later choose to become part of the Thin Blue Line between the innocent and the evil.  He cared and he did something about it.  Everyday as a Police Officer, he stood for what is good and right in our world – pushing back the evil and often ending up in other people’s yuck.  He knew Police Officers weren’t perfect – he wasn’t perfect.  But they are willing to stand for what is safe and right.   They don’t just talk about it or throw some money at it – they are willing to put their lives on the line….because they care about making our communities safe.

Davey requested to work in high-risk areas of the city because the need for people who care is greater there.  The Thin Blue Line has to be stronger there.  He often told me that his goal was to put the people in our city who chose to put other lives in danger behind bars so they couldn’t hurt people anymore.  He received several commendations for his extra efforts against the monsters who beat up on babies and small children.

And he paid the highest price possible for his dedication to caring for our city when he was killed in the line of duty last year.

Davey made a significant contribution to our city when he was alive and he has inspired those of us who are left behind to make a difference through the David Glasser Foundation.  We are continuing the work that Davey started. 

You have probably heard that Davey loved sports – all sports.  The disciplined activity of sports helped him grow into a strong and confident and capable adult.  So the David Glasser Foundation is planning to get volunteer Police Officers involved in developing sports clinics and leagues in the high-risk areas of our city to honor Davey’s love of sports and to share with other kids the positive benefits of sports.  This will also give the people in the community a chance to interact with Police Officers in a positive environment .

Davey’s life on earth has ended but his legacy of love is just starting to unfold.

Thank you for all of the support and love so many of you have already shown us.  Together, we are growing Davey’s legacy and continuing the battle.

 

#8144loveyou

#fallenbutnotforgotten

The question is not ‘if’ something bad is going to happen to us.

The right question is ‘when’.

Because something bad is going to happen sometime in our future.

Failure, separation, broken relationships.

Disease, accidents, illness, pain, death.

It’s going to happen.  And most of the time it will happen when we least expect it.

A very close friend of mine received a huge shock this last week when her beautiful daughter-in-law didn’t wake up one morning.  33 years-old.  And she didn’t wake up.

She was fine the day before.

She leaves behind a husband, a 3 year-old son, and a large number of family and friends who never expected something like this to happen.

Many times there is no warning.  I was on my normal commute home from work when I got the call about Davey being shot.

It’s not ‘if’, the question is ‘when’.

So do we live our lives with a cloud of worry and fear over our heads just waiting for the next ax to fall?

Or do we ignore the inevitable and deal with it when it happens?

Neither of those sounds like good option to me.  The tragedy that blew my life apart is not going to cause me to spend the rest of my life focused on dreading the next bad thing.  But I’m also not going to pretend that there are no more hard times coming.

I have chosen to try to find a balance somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.  I am working on growing my faith – getting closer to God.  I’m growing my understanding – since I’ve been thrown into this unthinkable situation of losing a child, I want to understand more about this journey.  I am also trying to grow my resilience in the face of adversity – strengthening the process I use when bad things happen.  Because they are going to happen.

I tend to lean more in the positive direction than the negative – life is more good than bad.  I like to focus on good things – they make the struggle all worth it.

And I have learned a lot about love this last year.  When we show love to those around us – even when we don’t know them – it really does matter.  Each expression of love, every hand that reaches out, any show of kindness and love – it all matters.

Flying across the country to celebrate your step-grandfather’s 90th birthday and putting your arm around him so your mom can take a picture matters – especially when 90 was the last birthday his step-grandfather celebrated.

It’s all worth the effort.  When we love each other, we’re on the right track.

Because it’s not a question of ‘if’.

The right question is ‘when’.

And, as we love each other, it makes ‘when’ better.

All of you have proven this over and over to me this last year.

Love you!

 

#8144loveyou

 

Davey loved all sports.

You’ve probably heard all about his fanatic love for the Cardinals.  The NFL became his most-loved sport to watch as he grew into an adult.  I think the fun and party atmosphere of tailgating probably added to that attraction.

He loved people more than he loved sports.  It’s actually one of the reasons he loved sports – it always involved other people and teams.

Because he was a great team player.

He was aggressive and competitive.

He always wanted to play his best and he wanted his whole team to play their best so they could win.

He was consistently good so he was always a favorite of the coaches.  They could count on him to play a good game – every game.

He played baseball and basketball when he was younger but chose to focus on basketball when he got into Junior High School.  He went to basketball camps all summer long, every summer.  When he wasn’t at camp, he was at the park playing a pick up game with his buddies and whoever else would show up.  He had the opportunity to be on the same team as Richard Jefferson in high school.  I think it was a great eye-opener for him because he got to play with someone who actually had the potential to be a NBA player.  It helped him put his thoughts of becoming a pro basketball player into a more real perspective.

Being a great team player also helped him be a great Police Officer.  He was competent and responsible.  You could depend on him to do his part plus more.

Loyalty was HUGE to him.  If you knew him, you knew this about him.  He wasn’t quiet about it.

He wasn’t quiet about anything that was important to him.

His personality was an unusual blend of loving to have fun but needing to follow the rules.  And he added fun and energy to whatever he did.  He had a very quick wit – amazingly clever quips would come out of his mouth at just the right time to bring a big laugh from everyone around him.

Does anyone have a clever comment they heard Davey say that they want to share?

I am proud of the David Glasser Foundation as it begins to move forward, giving back to the Phoenix community which has been so great in their support of us and our Blue Family.

The foundation is also planning to honor Davey’s love of sports by developing sports camps and leagues in high risk areas of Phoenix with police officers as some of the coaches in order to help grow and develop healthy relationships.

Davey would have love that!

 

#8144loveyou

 

 

May 18, 2016 blew up my world – thrusting me into a dark, confusing, very sad place.  A place of grief.  A place I never wanted to go.

I have had other people very close to me die – my mother, father and older brother.

But this was not the same.  Not even close.

My son, David Glasser, a Phoenix Police officer, was killed  in the line of duty.  And I can’t even explain how much worse it has been compared to other deaths in my family.

Yes, last year was a very tough year of ‘firsts’.

But now the pain of permanence has set in.  The reality of life long-term without Davey doesn’t seem possible.  Because, after a year, I know what that life feels like.

Now I know how empty his birthday feels without him.

I know what Christmas and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are like without Davey.

I know the heartbreak behind the smiles during the birthday parties of his children when a very happy and proud father is missing.

There are no words to describe how awful the permanence of this situation feels.  It’s impossible.  I believe strongly in the goodness of God…..but this doesn’t feel good.

In the months following May 18, 2016, I had no idea how my family and I would find our way back to our normal.  Now, as we start moving through our 2d year without Davey, I understand that we will never go back.

That time, that place is gone.

My life – our life – back there is gone.

So we have to move forward – a new life, a new reality, a new normal.  Without Davey.

Sometimes this new place is filled with sadness as the unending reality of the situation etches itself onto my soul.  Other times light shine through the darkness and possibilities peak around corners.

In some ways this year is going to be tougher than last year….

because its starting to feel very permanent.

 

In fact, you probably need to write several letters.

These letters are for the people you love most so they can have something tangible to hold and read and read again after you aren’t here anymore.

These letters might be full of things you have already told them.  Or you may be able to write some things that you’ve never been able to say or haven’t said in a long time.  There might be some specific encouragements that you want to share with them knowing that they are grieving your loss as they read this letter.

Our soldiers who are going off to war or being deployed to dangerous foreign countries have always been pretty good at doing this.  It’s a normal thing that they are encouraged and reminded to write letters before they leave.

It’s not so true for our brothers and sisters in Blue.  I guess it’s just a more obvious thing to do when you’re getting on a plane to Iraq than it is when you’re getting into your car to go to the precinct.

But the danger is just as real.  If we weren’t super-aware of the danger before, this last year has made the possibility of you never coming back a reality for a whole big crowd of us.

My son, Davey, a Phoenix Policeman who was killed in the line of duty last year,  didn’t leave any letters.  I wish he had.   I would have loved to have a final letter from him to hold…and read….and hold.  I have his last Mother’s Day card to me framed on my dresser.  It’s an awesome last message and I will treasure it for the rest of my life.

We know he loved us.  We know what he would say about a lot of things that have happened since his death.  But to have something tangible……knowing he knew we would be reading it if he didn’t come back one day.  That would have been very special.

So – Blue Family – we need to write some letters.  All of us.  Because none of us are promised tomorrow.

I have to admit –  I only recently started writing mine even though I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.  They aren’t easy to write – I used a lot of tissues and I’ve only got half of them written.  My goal is to get the rest safely tucked in our personal safe at home within the next two weeks.  So they’re ready for that time.  Whenever it comes.

If I stay on earth another 15 – 20 years I will probably write some more and add them to the pile.  I want those I love to have this last gift from me…

to read…

and hold…

and read again.

How about you?  Have you written your letters yet?

#8144loveyou

 

 

It all adds up.

Every hug.

Every prayer.

Every good wish.

Every ‘love you’.

Each one matters.

Because each one builds on the last one and becomes the strong foundation of love and care that my family has stood on through this last very difficult year filled with tough days since Davey was killed in the line of duty.

So many people have said to us,  “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.”  Well, you’re doing it – with hugs, prayers, good wishes and ‘Love you’s”.

I am very encouraged by all the blue ribbons on Davey’s ‘Love You’ tree by his spot in the cemetery and I’m looking forward to watching the number of ribbons grow.  Those prayers are working.  Each blue ribbon matters.

I saw very clear evidence of the power of  faith, love and prayer when I talked with other mothers during Police Week in Washington, DC.  We had all lost sons in the line of duty in 2016 but our experiences were very different.   Some of it was the fact that several of them are still dealing with trials and extremely hard circumstances surrounding that.

But I credit the majority of the difference to two main things – our faith in the goodness of God and the huge amount of support we have received from family, friends, the Phoenix Police Department, the entire Phoenix community and our Blue Family.

Every hug, every prayer, every good wish, every blue ribbon, every ‘Love You’ – it has all added up to something very significant.

As a result, we haven’t experienced the bitterness I saw with many of the mothers in Washington, DC.

We haven’t experienced the extremely sad regrets that several of them expressed.

We avoided a lot of the family conflicts they were in the middle of.

We didn’t have the overwhelming need to blame someone.  We didn’t spend hours and hours checking out all of the details, second guessing the decisions that were made on the spot.

During the sessions in Washington, DC,  the members of my family were all split up in different groups that represented their relationship with the fallen officer.  And we all walked away with this same sense that our experience this last year has been different.

We’re not stuck on May 18, 2016.

We’re figuring out how to move forward, knowing that we have your support.  We are looking forward to all the possibilities of making a difference together with the David Glasser Foundation.

Every hug.

Every blue ribbon.

Every prayer.

Every good wish.

And every ‘love you’.

They have added up and made a big difference.

Thank you!  Keep it up!

Love you!